YOGA

Staying supple during a zombie apocalypse is imperative. You never know when you will have to crawl down a U-bend, shimmy through a crack in the wall and worm your way under an overturned milk float to escape the undead hordes, and yoga is one of the best ways to ensure that your body remains the temple it’s supposed to be.

Of course, there is no gain without pain, and likewise there is no pain without gain (however, there is rain in Spain which falls mainly on the plain) and if you want to be capable of putting your own foot behind your head whilst your hand rotates your spine, then you are going to have to spend time practising.

Although throughout the majority of this book we have advocated a regime of self-training, when it comes to yoga, it would be vastly more sensible to receive one--one professional training, so that you don’t end up stuck with your head inserted in your back passage with no way of removing it, as you may need to escape down your back passage should a zombie attack begin… What? No, that’s not what I meant – some people just have minds like gutters.