FIRE

Without electricity, fire may be our only option for light or cooking. In these circumstances, when used properly so that the flames or smoke will not attract hordes to your location, we advocate its use. Never, never, never use fire as a weapon.

We know that the only way to kill a zombie is by destroying the brain and I’m only repeating myself now in case certain readers decided to skip the letters A–E due to some particular dislike of those specific letters and have joined us straight at F.

Fire will destroy a brain, and indeed an entire human body given time, but when you have a member of Club Dead shambling towards you, time is something that is not on your side. Zombies are unaffected by pain and have no fear, so being set alight will do nothing to deter them from continuing on their quest to bite you. So now, because you threw a Molotov at your attacker, you not only have a zombie shambling towards you but you have a flaming zombie who has just set fire to your mum’s favourite curtains and isn’t stopping.

The fact that the zombie is a walking fireball will prevent you from getting close enough with a melee weapon (see Weapons) and to make matters worse, your mother will be shouting about her curtains and the ash that’s being shed on her Laura Ashley sofa. So, you see what you’ve done? Not only have you condemned yourself to death, you’ve also burnt down your own safe house. Rather than make a Molotov cocktail, you should have just smashed the bottle over the zombie’s head and then rammed the jagged edge into its frontal lobe. OK, you would have got blood on the carpet, but I’m reliably informed that club soda could get that out.