BIRDS

Birds are around so much that in normal everyday life we rarely notice them. During an apocalypse, though, it is worth keeping an eye out for our feathered friends as they can tell us much about how safe an area is.

It is worth noting that evidence suggests zombies will attack any living creature. So we will presume that birds are also viable prey for the undead.

Pigeon

Pigeons are generally found living in urban areas and are known as the rodents of the bird world due to their habit of scavenging. They are also very intelligent and will become aware that zombies are a danger to them. You can therefore use them as an advance warning system. If you see a flock of pigeons suddenly take to the skies, then you can be assured that something has disturbed them and you can keep away from that area of town. The downside to this is that if a flock of pigeons was in that area, there was probably something worth eating. Make your choice! Stay or go – but the pigeons warned you.

Crow

Like any carrion-eating bird, if you see a flock hovering about you can be certain there’s something dead below – and the more crows, the more dead things. It is true that, like pigeons, these creatures will show caution once they realise it is dangerous to attack zombies, but they are also brave and will devise tactics to pick off the flesh without being caught. This is how you will know that the dead meat they are after is still alive. If it weren’t a threat, they wouldn’t be hovering, they’d be down there eating it. Be warned, though. Once crows realise that zombies are tasty pickings, they may attack the living too, as they will not be able to differentiate between the two. And being attacked by birds isn’t nice – just ask Tippi Hedren.

Ostrich

Contrary to popular belief, ostriches do not bury their heads in the ground when faced with danger; rather, they lie their necks flat and lower their bodies so they blend into the landscape and look like mounds of earth. This is actually quite clever so let’s immediately stop with the ridiculing of the humble ostrich and begin paying this bird some respect. With a top speed of 45 mph (the fastest bird on land) and with a lethal kick, the ostrich is a good role model to have.

Flamingo

The Queen of Hearts used one as a croquet mallet, which is a good enough reason as any to use a flamingo as a battering weapon. If a fictional character from a children’s story book can do it then by golly so can you.

Chicken

Of course this bird is useful! They lay eggs which will sustain you if you can capture one and keep it in your safe house. If all else fails you can also eat it. In fact, you could eat any bird at all if it’s cooked properly, although a chicken will make a more substantial meal than a budgie. The largest bird is the ostrich, but he is a god amongst birds so you wouldn’t want to anger the god of ostrich by eating him. After the ostrich I suppose the next best thing is Big Bird of Sesame Street. You’d need a lot of Tupperware boxes to keep the leftovers after cooking him!