XYLOPHONE

OK, I know that I’ve been through musical instruments in this dictionary previously, but give me a break. There’s not really that many things that begin with the letter X so I had to use my initiative and Xylophone seemed to be my best option, otherwise we’d have been talking about the X chromosome which could have opened up a can of worms with those folks who believe that all gender should be abolished (talking about scientific proof of gender difference can sometimes put the willies up these folks).

Or maybe I could have tried Xerox but frankly the only use for a photocopying machine during the apocalypse is to either drop it on a zombie’s head from a great height out of a window (and as we’ve already discussed, using a heavy item for zombie killing is never a sure thing); or you could while away a few hours of boredom by photocopying your own face and/or genitalia.

Besides, I’m not even sure I can use the word Xerox as it’s a copyrighted trade name so I would have had to put any of that advice under ‘Photocopier’ which I wouldn’t need to because I had ample entries for the letter P.

The Xylem is plant tissue that conducts water and minerals from the root to all other parts of the plant and, as interesting a fact as that might be, it’s really not important information to have when considering your own survival during a zombie apocalypse. Then, of course, there’s the X-ray – a machine that operates by using radiation. Just trust me, keep away from it. You’ll do more damage to yourself than you could ever think of doing to a zombie with the radiation from an X-ray machine. Which frankly, only leaves me with Xylophone to work with and is vastly more useful than any of the other X words because it can be used as a bludgeoning weapon and will naturally make pretty music as you batter the zombie’s head.