YMCA
First, just let me tell you that there’s no need to feel down, there’s quite an easy and accessible way to pick yourself off the ground and especially if you happen to be relatively new in the town (that’s none specifically, any town) there’s really no need to be unhappy because there is actually a place you could go that will deal with all the aforementioned woes that could have befallen you, especially but not exclusively if you are short on your dough. You can stay there and there a also apparently many ways in which to have a good time (again, which particular good time you will be privy to isn’t specified, but we are assured that whatever time it is that you have, it will be classed as ‘good’). Where is the wondrous place? Well, it’s a place called the YMCA or the Young Man’s Christian Association.
Heavily endorsed by the leather-clad biker, Indian, policeman and cowboy of the Village People fame (which surely pleased the Christian aspect of the YMCA no end), this institution helps young people improve their mind, body and spirit both mentally and physically (much like what I am attempting to achieve with my survival training, except that they don’t talk quite as much about the undead as I do). They also help young people by dealing with issues such as homelessness, crime, education and families.
As important as their work is in building community spirit and helping young people succeed in the world today, the only thing that people identify with when you mention the YMCA, is the dance. You work hard putting together a charitable organization for 160 years and all anyone can ever remember is that bloody dance!
The dance can be used for both a simple exercise routine or as a short choreographed movement in battle that when repeated can kill multiple zombies.
THE YMCA DANCE
Y: Holding your arms aloft will set yourself up as an open target to a zombie and it will move forward to attack.
M: Bringing your hands down in an inward sweeping movement, grab the zombie’s hair or ears, ensuring that its mouth is kept at a safe distance from your face.
C: Whilst still holding the ears/hair twist your arms into the conventional ‘C’ position. This will twist the zombies head from its body. Release the right ear, so that the head is raised at the top point of the ‘C’ once it is detached from the body.
A: Forcibly bring your hands together in the A movement. This will effectively crush the zombie’s skull (and therefore brain) between your palms. Repeat as necessary.
For those who can’t be bothered to train in any form of official martial art, this technique can be applied to most other movement-based ‘party dances’ for either attack or defence technique. E.g. Agadoo, Around the Old Camp Fire; Court of King Caractacus, Time Warp and the entirety of Steps’ playlist.