BITES

If you are bitten by a zombie you can do one of two things: either kill yourself by destroying your own brain, or let someone else kill you using the same brain-destroying method. DO NOT ignore the fact you have been bitten and hope it will go away. It won’t. Eventually, you will become a zombie, making survival more difficult for other living folks who weren’t stupid enough to get bitten.

No one knows exactly how long it takes to transform once you have been bitten. Because of this it is wise to regularly make all the members of your group strip naked to check that no one is hiding anything. Take no chances either! If someone says they cut themselves shaving, assume they are lying and smash in their head immediately.

If you are alone when bitten with no plausible way of destroying your own brain, then unfortunately there is no way to stop yourself from becoming a zombie. There is, however, a way in which you can stop yourself from becoming a danger to other survivors and that is to neutralise your own head. This can be done in a variety of ways, but my preferred method is to use cling film. Wrap it multiple times around your head, and then gaffer tape it afterwards (with maybe a few staples). Then, when you do rise you will be unable to bite other survivors. Other methods of head neutralisation include visored motorcycle helmets, heavy-duty bin bags and strapping a cat to your face.