MIGRATION
It all sounds very David Attenborough when you start talking about the migration habits of the undead. Perhaps you should imagine him reading this to you in his halting, whispery, husky tones – just to imbue the added weight of experience to the account. Or maybe you could imagine it being read by David Bellamy because he talks about migration too. Or if you’ve got an active imagination and you’re in the mood, maybe you could picture some sultry sexpot reading it to you – Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt. Maybe they’re smearing you in chocolate sauce and honey whilst they’re reading and maybe they’re wearing a very tight thong or are completely naked. Maybe David Atte is there watching you and he’s in a thong or naked too and he’s narrating what’s going on in his halting, whispery, husky tones to a live studio audience who are all naked as well. Smearing each other with large vats of chocolate sauce and honey.
Or we could just dispense with all of that and get on with the bit about migration.
The one driving force behind a zombie is a need to bite and kill. But what do they do when there are no more folks to nibble on? Well…nothing really. If there is nothing for a zombie to attack it will do one of two things: it will either stand around and do nothing just swaying on the spot, slowly rotting away until something grabs its attention, or it will wander off in search of more survivors.
Zombies are not social creatures but they do have a tendency to group in hordes. It is not known why they do this but you can be assured it is unlikely to be anything to do with finding safety in numbers or because they’re looking for a decent fourth to have a good game of bridge. It is more likely that if one zombie moves the others assume that it has got the scent of prey and they trust that they will be lead to some nice tasty human flesh. Just because zombies are seen to ‘horde’ that does not mean you should become complacent in seemingly abandoned areas. Some of the undead may have become distracted and left behind by the rest of the group and be standing loitering in a dark corner. Silently. Unmoving. Maybe naked. Just waiting to be aroused. But not by David Bellamy and a tub of chocolate sauce.