HEDGEHOG

The humble hedgehog comes in for a lot of stick. He is forever being squished on country lanes or being burnt to death when he decides to make his home in our bonfires. So, in order to protect our prickly chum from any further mistreatment, let me just make it very clear from the start that you cannot use a hedgehog as a weapon.

Yes, hedgehogs have spines, but contrary to popular belief a hedgehog’s spines are liable to do very little damage to a member of the undead. Their spikes have been compared to hairbrush bristles and if one comes into contact with them, the pain level is only as bad as being poked with a pen. This is because a hedgehog’s spines are hollow hair made hard by keratin. So, if you had considered taping a hedgehog to a stick and using it as a mace to destroy a zombie’s brain, let me assure you, you would have just as much luck if you used a gerbil. So please do not use hedgehogs as weapons. Tortoises on the other hand… Strap them to a stick and their shells can cause major carnage.