‘Well, to be honest, I think it’s disgusting that our council allowed this to happen. Ten years ago you’d have never seen this kind of thing happening in Chorlton. The house prices have just plummeted since the zombies have taken over and no one cleans up their own dog poo either.’

FZZZZZZT

‘It’s immigrants, that’s what it is! Immigrant workers! First they take our jobs, now they die and eat us! The world’s gone mad!’

FZZZZZZT

‘Yeaaaaaaah! Props to the Fleetwood massive!!! Yeeeeeahhhhh!’

FZZZZZZT

‘My mum says that we should think of all the people who are suffering and she said I should sing… Love lifts us up where we…’

FZZZZZZZT

‘My favourite cheese is cheddar. It’s the simplest of cheeses, but simple is sometimes best. Don’t even get me started on Wensleydale…’

FZZZZZZZT

‘…and then when I heard what Vera had told my Barry I just couldn’t believe my ears so I had to see it for myself. So I went outside and it was disgusting. Blood and arms all over the place. Tell them, Barry, tell them – he’ll tell you. All I can say is we won’t be going to that particular Chinese Restaurant again…’

FZZZZZZZT

‘Cock! Tee hee, tee hee…I said Cock!’

FZZZZZZT

‘I like long walks in the country and visiting new and interesting places and ultimately I’m looking for a woman who will share my passion for pre-war politics and grass… What? This isn’t a dating service… You want my opinion on the zombies? No. I don’t fancy one of those…unless they give out on a first date…’

FZZZZZZZT