HALLOWEEN

There is never really a perfect time for a zombie apocalypse to begin. In fact, any day that portends the beginning of the rise of the dead is going to be a bit crap. And although Halloween is a pagan festival which some see as a celebration of the occult, the apocalypse is no more likely to occur on this day of the year than any other. The problem is that this particular occasion makes a zombie outbreak incredibly difficult to contain as I will explain.

In Western culture, Halloween is ‘celebrated’ on the 31^st October and should that date fall on a weekend the festivities will often extend over several days. That’s several days of folks dressing up as ghouls, purposefully making themselves appear dead and spraying fake blood all over the place. With Halloween celebrations increasing in popularity, costumes and spooky effects have become incredibly sophisticated and realistic. This means that it will be more difficult to tell the real zombies from the fake ones. As a result people will become infected very quickly before the authorities or those ‘in the know’ can leap into action and commence their survival and control plans.

Even once the authorities have become aware of the situation, they will find it difficult to know who to target. The living will be dressed as the dead so the undead will look like the living. But this will in no way stop the living being attacked by the undead (see Emulation) and when given no choice the authorities are liable to shoot the living believing them to be the undead, in order to keep themselves from pocalyplled.

Of course, there is nothing we can do to halt the popularity of this festival but what we can do, is ensure that we are kept safe. You must stay vigilant and you must never dress as anything that looks vaguely dead. We suggest SpongeBob Squarepants. Even under extreme pressure no member of the authorities would shoot him.