DANCE

You may be the kind of person who wants to dance with somebody, (and invariably someone who loves you) or you may really not feel like dancing at all when that old Joanna plays. Either way, dance cannot be discounted as a frivolous pastime. Look at Billy Elliot. He took up ballet and then had a major film made about him and a musical by Elton John (mind you, Julie Walters was his ballet teacher so he already had the contacts in the business to get him started). But despite the associated fame, dance is a tough occupation and dance training will most certainly be beneficial in a zombie apocalypse.

Ballet dancers go through a great deal of physical discomfort in their training. As well as being accustomed to pain, they can contort their bodies into strange and unnatural shapes and are also capable of bounding thousands of feet in a single leap (unconfirmed fact).

If you don’t have the time to learn ballet yourself then it would be extremely useful to have a ballerina on your team. As well as being capable of accessing unreachable places they also eat very little so will not be a drain on your resources. Female ballet dancers are also very light and suitable for use as a throwing weapon. Both male and female ballet dancers wear very tight outfits all the time so bites will be easy to spot and the little pink-ribboned shoes they wear have wooden blocks in the toes so they could be used to kick in a zombie’s head.

Ballet is not the only form of dance that can come in handy during a zombie apocalypse, so it may be worth learning the most relevant moves from each form to keep you prepared for all eventualities.

Tap dancing

The basis of this dance is to make a noise with your feet. Although under normal circumstances this would attract the undead, shoes with metal plates attached to the base will also make perfect weapons. You can either hold the shoe in your hands and strike, or if you have supple enough legs, you can wear them on your feet and kick. At any rate, they’re better than a leatherette moccasin.

Street dance>

Not, as some may believe, purely dancing in the streets à la Jagger and Bowie. Street dance incorporates movements specific to the beats of a given song. Often aggressive in its choreography, it is the closest dance to a form of martial arts and incorporates elbows, fists, knees and floor work which can be useful for incapacitating and avoiding foes.

For those unfamiliar with this form of dance, look out for it in modern hip hop music videos – which is ironic as street doesn’t include an awful lot of hopping (although some hip movement is necessary).

Morris dancing

A dance that involves grown men attempting to hit each other with sticks. You may wish to dispense with the bells around your ankles, the hanky-waving segment and the skipping, but this is a dance involving hitting things with sticks. The value is immeasurable.

 

Pole dancing

There may be time during the apocalypse when the need arises for you to make a quick escape up a greased pole in a sensual manner whilst wearing hardly any clothes. This is why we fully advocate pole dancing as part of a zombie apocalypse training regime.

Line dancing

No.