MAGIC

The apocalypse is upon us! Quick, to King’s Cross and all aboard the train for Hogwarts! Harry will save us!

I hate to break it to you at this point, guys, but there is no Hogwarts and there is no Harry Potter; they’re both actually just a little bit fictional.

However, I am loath to admit that there is the very slight possibility of some form of magic being involved in the raising of the dead. This is actually only very very very very very very slight and is only worth mentioning just briefly due to how very very slight the possibility may be (I think I mentioned it was slight).

If our undead plague is down to Supernatural Zombies (see Classification) then there could be the (slight) possibility that someone has got their necromancy mojo on and has decided to cast some all-powerful spell to enable the dead to walk the earth. Now, the reason that I say that this is only a slight possibility (I think I did mention that it was slight) is because it hasn’t happened yet. If there was some incantation that made corpses walk then you’d think one of the millions of power-crazed loons and unstable megalomaniacs who inhabit this little planet of ours would have been unable to resist the temptation to unleash all hell upon mankind and make themselves the emperor of Earth.

Also, a cursory glance through the Encyclopedia of Spells and a quick Google of ‘spells to raise the dead’ reveals nothing (although apparently you can find love by using an old sock and some pubic hair). So either there isn’t a spell to raise the dead or those in the know ain’t talking and are guarding this immense power with their lives. Either way, this means the possibility of using magic to raise the dead is very slight. Very slight. Very, very slight. I don’t know if I mentioned it’s slight. Very.