THINGS YOU MAY NOT HAVE CONSIDERED

There are those of you out there who will be completely ready for a zombie apocalypse and are just reading this book to cross-check your own plans or to shake your head in nerdy disgust and disagree with me (remember the apocalypse hasn’t happened yet, so where’s your proof that I might be wrong? Ha ha!)

Then there will be those of you who are using this as the first step to discovering a life of survival after the undead rise.

In both cases, though, there may be things that you haven’t considered – and even if you have considered them there will be people out there who haven’t so let’s just stop being so smug and self-righteous for the moment whilst I deal with the others.

General y speaking, your main role in the apocalypse is going to be fighting, scavenging and surviving, but there will always be something in your well-thought-out plans that you hadn’t considered. Of course, I couldn’t possibly comment on what that might be because I am not privy to your personal survival preparations, but think for a moment what you might have missed out of your contingency plans.

I carried out that very same thought process the other day and do you know what I realised? Do you? That we would run out of cheese. Might not seem earth-shattering or of great importance but cheese is going to be scarce during the apocalypse and I like cheese. Nothing fancy, just your bog-standard mild Cheddar. But all the same, I like it and there’s not going to be a lot of it around when the undead rise. So, by considering this eventuality now, I can ensure that I have prepared myself for that disappointment come the apocalypse, meaning I will be of a stronger disposition with or without cheese to calm my nerves.

Another thing that the majority of zombie survivalists don’t consider is that they could be wrong. They have a theory on the undead, they have a plan to survive and they are going to argue the point and stick to the plan at all costs. Sorry to say this chaps and chapesses but you have to consider the fact that you may not have it right. The apocalypse hasn’t happened yet so we have no proof whose thoughts and theories are correct – you are going to have to consider the fact that your whole survival plan may have to change at a moment’s notice because you were wrong. Hey! Even I might be wrong – and if that’s the case – why bother reading this book or paying any attention to what I say? Because at the end of the day – there’s just much chance that I’m right too. You know what I’m saying, eh? Now, go on, away with you. Go and bulk buy cheese.