‘Welcome back to the most cutting edge news show on TV at the moment. It’s the actual news, but edgier. I’m Bob Gold and later on we’ll be talking to various experts about the apparent rise of the undead, but first this live report from Cynthia, who’s on the spot at a local hospital. Cynthia?’

‘Thanks, Bob! Despite the information we received from the most esteemed experts on the walking dead, here I am right at the edge of danger, ready to pick up multiple awards for my truthful, honest and daring news reporting tactics in a hospital that is currently being overrun by zombies. Look! There! A small child crying alone in a corner right where I placed him earlier. If that’s not thought-provoking reporting I don’t know what is. Back to you.’

‘Thanks, Cynthia, we’ll be back with you later. But first here’s Graham with a large 3D graph.’

‘Thanks, Bob, I also have a 3D pie chart too and a map of the world with big red blobs on it.’

‘Insightful. What does it mean?’

‘That we used up a fair whack of our yearly budget on pointless effects that have required us to lay off some of the cleaning staff.’

‘But our viewers must see the truth in computer-generated graphics otherwise it won’t make sense.’

‘Absolutely – back to you Bob.’

‘Thanks, Graham, now back to Cynthia at the local hospital to see how things are progressing.’

‘Oh god… Oh god… They’re dead… They’re all dead and they’re coming back to life! One of them’s attacking Tom the Camera Guy! You’ve got to get me out of here! Oh no! Get them away from me! I’m going to die! Help! Bob!’

‘Cynthia’s going to die. You heard it here first and if that’s not cutting edge I don’t know what is. In a moment we’ll be getting views on the escalating rise of the undead from the Minister for Bread, the outraged leader of a minority group and Sandi Toksvig. But first, the weather.’

‘In 3D, Bob!’

‘Yes, in 3D.’