ATTORNEY

Also referred to as a solicitor or lawyer. An attorney will not be terribly useful during an apocalypse (although if mine survives he assures me that he has found a legal loophole that will grant me ownership of Devon should all the inhabitants die).

You should, however, keep an attorney on retainer while you are training for the apocalypse. They may prove useful when that stray throwing star hits an old lady in the head, or you accidentally knock a post office down with a rickshaw. They will keep you out of prison and quash any fines, leaving you to continue your preparation.