FIRST AID
There will be times during an apocalypse when non-zombie-related accidents happen and you won’t have the excuse of just being able to smash the injured party in the head with a brick in order to solve the problem. A good survivalist needs to know the basics of first aid in order to keep the rest of the team in tip-top condition ready for their next round with the undead.
First aid and medical issues are quite involved and you could probably fill a whole book with the various skills you’d need to learn to deal with the injuries that could befall you or a member of your team during a zombie apocalypse (in fact, I did fill a book with the info called Dr Dale’s Various Skills You’d Need to Learn to Deal With the Injuries that Could Befall You or a Member of Your Team During a Zombie Aalypse – available from all good bookshops soon). In the meantime though, I have listed some of the more pertinent information should the dead rise before the book is released.
Dislocated bones
We’ve all seen it happen in films where someone has to have their shoulder popped back in by a buddy. Well, if you’ve seen it in a film you shouldn’t need me to tell you about it. Thing is, it’s not really as easy as it looks and it may take three or four (or fifteen is my personal best) attempts to get that bone back in place. Naturally, the person with the injury will feel one or two slight twinges of pain so you may have to ram a balled-up sock in their mouth to muffle any screams. Do ensure that you don’t push the sock too far into their mouth as this will suffocate them.
Suffocation with sock
The quickest and easiest way to deal with this is to remove the sock. However, should the sock have been shoved too far down the throat for you to able to retrieve it then you may have to perform a tracheotomy. This would involve making a hole in the person’s throat in order for them to continue to breath. It’s usually best not to do this unless you are a trained surgeon, but if you don’t happen to be qualified then please be careful not to damage the vocal chords when carrying out the procedure. If you do, it means that the injured person may no longer be able to speak or will sound like a Dalek when they do.
If the person is still conscious when you carry out the procedure, make sure someone holds them down as, should they struggle, it may cause you to slip whilst making the incision and cut open your own hand.
Cut on hand caused by accident duringtracheotomy
As long as you don’t slice any major arteries there should be no problems. The initial order of the day is to stop the bleeding. Just apply pressure to the wound until the blood starts to congeal. If it is a small wound this can be done with a small piece of tissue and your finger. If the wound is larger use a towel and your entire hand. Also make sure your hand is elevated to slow the flow of blood to the wound, giving the cut time to start healing.
Once the blood has subsided, ensure the wound is clean and bandaged. Do ensure that the bandages are tied tightly though, so they do not come loose and you inadvertently trip over them and break your arm.
Broken arm after inadvertently tripping overloose bandages
If after the fall the arm is twisted into a strange shape, you may wish to take a moment to assess the situation. You will then realise that as you are in the middle of an apocalypse there is no medical help coming, and you will come to the conclusion that you didn’t actually need to assess the situation. The arm will need to be splinted so that it resets in an approximation of the shape it first started out in. To do this, you will need to twist the arm round, back into its original position and then bind a splint to it (a splint is a solid unbendable piece of wood. If the splint has nails sticking out of it or a spike on the end, and is bound to the broken arm effectively, it can also be used as a weapon).
Be aware that if you have to twist the broken arm back into its original position, the injured party may struggle with pain and inadvertently push you through a plate glass windowiv height="0em">
Being pushed through a plate glass window by a struggling person with a broken arm
As long as no shards of glass have pierced vital organs or major arteries you should be OK. Just slowly remove the slivers of glass that are protruding from your body and apply pressure to the wounds much like you would if you had cut your hand whilst performing a tracheotomy. If there are larger pieces of glass it may be wise to have a sewing kit at hand so that the wound can be stitched up to aid the healing process. The sewing kit need not have any more in it than a needle and thread because if it is too heavy somebody may dislocate their shoulder when lifting it.
Dislocated shoulder from lifting a heavysewing box
Refer back to the beginning.
These are just a few of the possible accidents that could occur whilst trying to survive the zombie apocalypse. It is best to assess each case individually and decide whether or not you are going to spend the time and energy treating the injured party.
For example: How long will your teammate be out of service with the injury? Will your teammate suffer long-term effects due to the injury? Will they get a lot of sympathy and attention from the rest of the team leaving you wanting? Once you’ve weighed up the pros and cons you should be able to decide whether you will help your injured teammate or whether you should creep up to them in the night, stick a bag on their head and dump them in the middle of the city to wait to die. I’m sure they’d want the latter – no one wants to be a burden in this day and age.