ALTRUISM
Ah, good. I was hoping that there would be an A word that would cover this subject of selflessness and helping others. That way I wouldn’t have to wait too long before teaching you the best way to behave during a zombie apocalypse – being altruistic isn’t it.
When the undead rise you must become the most selfish, self-absorbed, egotistical person EVER. Survival (and this may come as a shock to some of you) is about surviving and you’re only going to do that if you completely and unequivocally look after number one. And if I need to make this any clearer – the number one I am talking about is YOU.
- Do not give your food away to anyone unless you are getting something useful in return – even if they are dying of hunger. By giving your supplies to them you only delay the inevitable death of both of you.
- Do not give your weapons away to anyone unless you get something useful in return. You will learn from this book that anything can be utilised as a weapon so if someone is useless enough to have found nothing to use as a weapon it will be a waste of time giving them your valuable items.
- Do not let anyone into your safe house – even if you know, love and cherish them. Who’s to say they haven’t been bitten or infected? Even a loved one will lie to you in order to aid their own survival.
- Lie, cheat and steal to get what you want. Even consider murder as a viable option. As the apocalypse rages on, resources will become scarcer and it willbecome a dog-eat-dog world. Make sure you are the biggest dog in the kennel otherwise you will be left with nothing.
This may all seem a little harsh and if you are a mild-mannered person of essentially quite a British upbringing it will be a difficult adjustment. Trust me, though. If you do not adopt this attitude you will fail in your quest for survival. You will learn to live with the guilt.