DECISIONS/DELIBERATION

Generally speaking, human beings, particularly the British, don’t like to rock the boat and prefer to avoid conflict. That’s why it’s common to hear ‘I’m easy’ or ‘You decide’.

But I’m here to tell you No! No! And thrice NO! The time for social niceties must cease at the rise of the dead. If you are to survive you must be able to make decisions in a split second and not rely on the opinions or preferences of the rest of your group. Sometimes immediate action is needed in order to stay alive. Imagine a stranger comes to the door of your safe house looking for sanctuary. He is covered in blood. This could be from killing zombies or it could be from wounds…a bite! You could hold a meeting to decide if this stranger is allowed to stay. In the meantime, he has died, risen and infected half of your team including your aged, infertile but quite doting mother who was tending to him and making him a lovely cup of lemon earl grey. Alternatively, you could take it upon yourself to make a quick decision without hours of deliberation and stick a pickaxe in his head. The problem is now gone and you can continue worrying about your own survival rather than random, possibly infected strangers who are liable to sink their teeth into your mother.

Becoming a person who acts in this way can be quite difficult to master so it is wise to start practising now. It doesn’t take much and it won’t require sticking a pickaxe in someone’s head (unless you really want to). All you have to do is start making decisions. So, should your partner ask what you want for dinner, don’t say: ‘I don’t mind, whatever…’ Instead reply with a forceful cry of ‘PIE! And now!’

Also start making split-second decisions on your own. If you are walking down the street, suddenly decide to cross the road. Don’t stop and think, just step out into the oncoming traffic. Make the decision to be on the other side of the road and go for it! If you get hit, you’ll heal, and should you die, who has to live with the consequences? Not you!

Obviously your friends and family will start to notice a change in you – a change they may not like. To them you may seem impulsive, selfish and rash. Bear in mind, though, that these people may rely on you when the apocalypse comes and if you don’t make the decision to change right now, what’s going to happen to your mother when that stranger comes calling? You know I’m right. Sit down and think about it for a while.