JOGGING

Many times I’ve looked out of my window over the park and thought to myself: why are those people running really slowly? What purpose does it serve? It doesn’t get you anywhere any quicker than a fast stride and you seem to have to wear very small shorts or velour to do it.

Then it occurred to me that these people might be on to something. You see, running can be very tiring and walking sometimes just doesn’t cut it when you want to get somewhere quickly. This is where jogging comes in.

When the dead rise they will be slow (see Speed), so why waste your energy running away from them at full pelt waving your arms and screaming like a girl. They can muster up no more than a shamble so why should you bother putting in the effort to get away quickly? It’s not as if the zombie is going to think to himself: ‘Oh! Look at him go! I’m not going to bother chasing after that one. He’s waaaaaaaay too fast for me. Oh, look! There’s a girl in heels – she’s a better prospect.’

A zombie will go for whichever prey is nearest, so whether you’re running, skipping or moonwalking away he’s still going to be heading in your direction until you get yourself locked up in your safe house.

Jogging is the perfect way to get there. At a slow pace it keeps you a safe distance ahead of your pursuer, and hopefully allows you to get out of his line of sight and into your safe house unseen. And you can do this without tiring yourself out in case of a surprise attack from more zombies coming from another direction.