DEMOGRAPHICS

Population statistics are scrutinised by marketing companies to find out basic information about their customers (e.g. age, social standing, sex, race, shoe size – generally only shoe marketing companies insist on knowing this last piece of info). You too should be paying attention to these stats as knowledge of basic demographics and common sense can give you incredible foresight in a zombie apocalypse.

Once the apocalypse is in full swing you need to be able to use good judgement to decide on the best places to attain supplies and set up safe-havens. In order to do this you need to guess which locations nearby are likely to be less infested than others. This is where simple demographic knowledge comes in handy.

If, at the outbreak of the rise of the dead, a Chippendales concert was taking place at a local theatre we could surmise that this specific theatre would be full of female zombies between the ages of 18–50 and a few twenty-something male zombies in various states of undress. It would be unwise to attempt to enter this area as theatres have limited exit points and the Chippendales are relatively popular. This means you will have a building full of zombies, some of whom are younger and therefore stronger.

Using the same process of demographic analysis we can assume that if an old folks home is infested, this will give rise to mostly older zombies who will be easier to defeat due to brittle bones, bad hips or being wheelchair bound (congenital ailments from life pass on to zombies – see: Physical Ailments). It will therefore be easier to scavenge there.

This process can be applied to most areas (gyms = young and fit zombies; schools = child zombies; garden centres = families and middle-aged zombies who are stuck in a rut and feel their life has been one long waste).

The only areas we cannot apply this to are panic zones (see Panic Zones) – the places most people rush to in times of crisis. These include hospitals, police stations, airports – the areas that we know are the most dangerous. Although there will be a high mix of age, sex and race, we also know that the demographic ratio for panic zones will be 100% dumbass.