REPOPULATION
It’s all well and good surviving a great disaster, but it doesn’t do humankind much good if you’ve not planned on doing anything about rebuilding the completely decimated human race. I’m sorry to say, that as one of the few survivors, it is your duty to repopulate the planet as quickly as possible to aid in the continuance of mankind (and womankind too – because without womankind there would be no mankind and vice versa and with no Judge Reinhold there would be no Vice Versa, but there would be Big with Tom Hanks which was slightly better and not forgetting Freaky Friday which was like Vice Versa only with females. See, we couldn’t have one without the other… I digress).
Those who need any help in the art of repopulation probably need to reevaluate their lives a little bit. Possibly starting by thinking less about the undead and more about the opposite sex. However, those of you who already know the basics of ‘making babies’ (let’s just be doubly clear at this point that the making of babies doesn’t involve storks, gooseberry bushes or toilet seats… unless you have a particularly kinky sexual bent) need to think long and hard before committing themselves to the repopulation programme.
Having sex with as many people as possible in order to save the human race may seem like a really attractive prospect but not when you consider that most of the people who have survived will have been battling the dead for some time and will not really have had time to clean or iron their clothes, get their hair cut, have a shave, wash, bathe, brush their teeth or spend a few sessions on the sunbed. Most survivors are liable to smell just a little bit too. Women who opt to help rebuild the population of the earth will most likely spend the rest of their adult life pregnant and men will have to continually have sex – and although I’m sure this task won’t have put off many men be aware that you will be unable to build a relationship with either your offspring or the mother of your child (or children).
If the zombies have not yet been fully defeated you will be bringing a new generation into the world who will continue to fight on behalf of the human race. And if the zombies have been defeated, the children who are born will grow up in a world that needs a hell of a lot of cleaning up doing. Whichever way you look at it, any child born into a world after the zombies have risen is going to have to make a really hard slog of it. But bear in mind that by opting to repopulate and bring them into the world in the first place you’ll have done most of the hard work. The people you sleep with won’t have washed for god’s sake!