ALLERGIES

When a person becomes a zombie, they will still bear the physical characteristics from when they were alive (i.e. they’ll still have blue eyes, a large nose, ginger hair – god forbid).They will also carry over hysical ailments, meaning that if they were in a wheelchair when they were alive, they would still be unable to walk as a zombie. Deductive reasoning should lead us to believe that if a person was allergic to something when they were alive, they will be allergic to it when they become a member of Team Z. If we are to subscribe to this theory then the best weapon to carry around with you is a peanut.

Approximately 798,188 people are allergic to peanuts in the UK (that’s about the population of Leeds… Or two Manchesters… Four Portsmouths or 40 Bangors). In a worst-case scenario this allergy can cause anaphylactic shock or even death. So laying peanuts around the outside of your safehouse should act as a reasonable deterrent.

Unfortunately, as everything but zombies’ brains shut down and it tends to be the respiratory system that is affected by anapphalacticaicalaphan…(these long medical words escape me, but you get the drift), this may not actually work.But, if it doesn’t, you could still try throwing the peanuts really hard and hope to pierce an attacking zombie’s skull.Or if you had a lot of peanuts you could drop them on the zombie, thus crushing him. Or if you dropped a peanut from the top of the Empire State building it could reach the velocity of a bullet and smash the zombie’s brain… Or you could just use an axe.