IKEA
Oh, for those halcyon days of having a solid oak desk to barricade a door with. Now, due to mass consumerism and a flat-pack culture, the very company we revere for its designer simplicity may be our downfall, due to substandard barricades. The interior design and decoration gods of Sweden cannot be held completely to blame, though. Look me in the eye and tell me you always read the instructions on how to put your furniture together properly. Really? Really?! So you’re telling me that there’s never one screw left over that you’re not quite sure where it goes so you just leave it out! Do you realise that by doing this you may have condemned yourself to death? That when you place your bookshelf against the door, that missing screw could be the difference between a solid barricade or the whole thing collapsing on itself! So, in fact, it’s not Ikea’s fault at all – it’s your shoddy workmanship!
Although on the other hand, furnishing your house in Ikea furniture could actually be quite handy. Because it is all flat pack, it means that you could transport it all with you when you need to move on to the next place. Beds, sofas, desks, baths. Just unscrew them all, stick them in a suitcase and away you go. It may also be of interest to know that Ikea also sell flat-pack housing (’tis true) so, why bother moving your furniture when you can move your whole house? If the zombie apocalypse begins, just grab your power drill, unscrew the whole thing, stick it on the back of your bike and peddle off into the hills where you can find a nice, zombie-free, secluded spot and rebuild again.
In fact, we could be looking at our zombie survival techniques in completely the wrong way by allowing the army and government to research new weapons. We should actually be asking Ikea to do it! A flat-pack tank stored in your cupboard under the stairs could be invaluable. Likewise, a flat-pack missile launcher under the sink, or a flat-pack bomb shelter stored in the attic to be dragged out at the appropriate time.
Of course, in the case of these items, we would recommend that you DO read the instructions correctly as you want to make sure that the gun’s pointing the right way on the flat-pack tank – and who knows the consequences of a missing screw on a missile launcher?