CHAPTER THIRTEEN
THE LIBRARY POLICEMAN (II)
1
Twenty minutes after they took off from Des
Moines, Naomi tore herself away from the view—she had been tracing
Route 79 and marvelling at the toy cars bustling back and forth
along it—and turned to Sam. What she saw frightened her. He had
fallen asleep with his head resting against one of the windows, but
there was no peace on his face; he looked like a man suffering some
deep and private pain.
Tears trickled slowly from beneath his closed lids
and ran down his face.
She leaned forward to shake him awake and heard him
say in a trembling little-boy’s voice: “Am I in trouble,
sir?”
The Navajo arrowed its way into the clouds now
massing over western Iowa and began to buck, but Naomi barely
noticed. Her hand paused just above Sam’s shoulder for a moment,
then withdrew.
Who was YOUR Library Policeman, Sam?
Whoever it was, Naomi thought, he’s found
him again, I think. I think he’s with him now. I’m sorry, Sam ...
but I can’t wake you. Not now. Right now I think you’re where
you’re supposed to be ... where you have to be. I’m sorry, but
dream on. And remember what you dreamed when you wake up.
Remember.
Remember.
2
In his dream, Sam Peebles watched as Little Red
Riding Hood set off from a gingerbread house with a covered basket
over one arm; she was bound for Gramma’s house, where the wolf was
waiting to eat her from the feet up. It would finish by scalping
her and then eating her brains out of her skull with a long wooden
spoon.
Except none of that was right, because Little Red
Riding Hood was a boy in this dream and the gingerbread house was
the two-story duplex in St. Louis where he had lived with his
mother after Dad died and there was no food in the covered basket.
There was a book in the basket, The Black Arrow by Robert
Louis Stevenson, and he had read it, every word, and he was
not bound for Gramma’s house but for the Briggs Avenue Branch of
the St. Louis Public Library, and he had to hurry because his book
was already four days overdue.
This was a watching dream.
He watched as Little White Walking Sam waited at
the corner of Dunbar Street and Johnstown Avenue for the light to
change. He watched as he scampered across the street with the book
in his hand ... the basket was gone now. He watched as Little White
Walking Sam went into the Dunbar Street News and then he was
inside, too, smelling the old mingled smells of camphor, candy, and
pipe tobacco, watching as Little White Walking Sam approached the
counter with a nickel package of Bull’s Eye red licorice—his
favorite. He watched as the little boy carefully removed the dollar
bill his mother had tucked into the card-pocket in the back of
The Black Arrow. He watched as the clerk took the dollar and
returned ninety-five cents ... more than enough to pay the fine. He
watched as Little White Walking Sam left the store and paused on
the street outside long enough to put the change in his pocket and
tear open the package of licorice with his teeth. He watched as
Little White Walking Sam went on his way—only three blocks to the
Library now—munching the long red whips of candy as he went.
He tried to scream at the boy.
Beware! Beware! The wolf is waiting, little boy!
Beware the wolf! Beware the wolf!
But the boy walked on, eating his red licorice; now
he was on Briggs Avenue and the Library, a great pile of red brick,
loomed ahead.
At this point Sam—Big White Plane-Riding Sam—tried
to pull himself out of the dream. He sensed that Naomi and Stan
Soames and the world of real things were just outside this
hellish egg of nightmare in which he found himself. He could hear
the drone of the Navajo’s engine behind the sounds of the dream:
the traffic on Briggs Avenue, the brisk
brrrinnng!-brrrinnng! of some kid’s bike-bell, the birds
squabbling in the rich leaves of the midsummer elms. He closed his
dreaming eyes and yearned toward that world outside the
shell, the world of real things. And more: he sensed he could reach
it, that he could hammer through the shell—
No, Dave said. No, Sam, don’t do that.
You mustn’t do that. If you want to save Sarah from Ardelia, forget
about breaking out of this dream. There’s only one coincidence in
this business, but it’s a killer: once you had a Library Policeman,
too. And you have to get that memory back.
I don’t want to see. I don’t want to know. Once
was bad enough.
Nothing is as bad as what’s waiting for you,
Sam. Nothing.
He opened his eyes—not his outer eyes but the
inside ones; the dreaming eyes.
Now Little White Walking Sam is on the concrete
path which approaches the east side of the Public Library, the
concrete path which leads to the Children’s Wing. He moves in a
kind of portentous slow motion, each step the soft swish of a
pendulum in the glass throat of a grandfather clock, and everything
is clear: the tiny sparks of mica and quartz gleaming in the
concrete walk; the cheerful roses which border the concrete walk;
the thick drift of green bushes along the side of the building; the
climbing ivy on the red brick wall; the strange and somehow
frightening Latin motto, Fuimus, non sumus, carved in a
brief semicircle over the green doors with their thick panes of
wire-reinforced glass.
And the Library Policeman standing by the steps is
clear, too.
He is not pale. He is flushed. There are pimples on
his forehead, red and flaring. He is not tall but of medium height
with extremely broad shoulders. He is wearing not a trenchcoat but
an overcoat, and that’s very odd because this is a summer day, a
hot St. Louis summer day. His eyes might be silver; Little White
Walking Sam cannot see what color they are, because the Library
Policeman is wearing little round black glasses—blind man’s
glasses.
He’s not a Library Policeman! He’s the wolf!
Beware! He’s the wolf! The Library WOLF!
But Little White Walking Sam doesn’t hear. Little
White Walking Sam isn’t afraid. It is, after all, bright daylight,
and the city is full of strange—and sometimes amusing—people. He
has lived all his life in St. Louis, and he’s not afraid of it.
That is about to change.
He approaches the man, and as he draws closer he
notices the scar: a tiny white thread which starts high on the left
cheek, dips beneath the left eye, and peters out on the bridge of
the nose.
Hello there, son, the man in the round black
glasses says.
Hello, says Little White Walking Sam.
Do you mind telling me thomething about the book
you have before you go inthide? the man asks. His voice is soft
and polite, not a bit threatening. A faint lisp clips lightly along
the top of his speech, turning some of his s-sounds into
diphthongs. I work for the Library, you thee.
It’s called The Black Arrow, Little White
Walking Sam says politely, and it’s by Mr. Robert Louis
Stevenson. He’s dead. He died of toober-clue-rosis. It was very
good. There were some great battles.
The boy waits for the man in the little round black
glasses to step aside and let him go in, but the man in the little
round black glasses does not stand aside. The man only bends down
to look at him more closely. Grandpa, what little round black eyes
you have.
One other quethion, the man says. Is your
book overdue?
Now Little White Walking Sam is more afraid.
Yes ... but only a little. Only four days. It
was very long, you see, and I have Little League, and day camp,
and—
Come with me, son... I’m a poleethman.
The man in the black glasses and the overcoat
extends a hand. For a moment Sam almost runs. But he is a kid; this
man is an adult. This man works for the Library. This man is a
policeman. Suddenly this man—this scary man with his scar and his
round black glasses—is all Authority. One cannot run from
Authority; it is everywhere.
Sam timidly approaches the man. He begins to lift
his hand—the one holding the package of red licorice, which is now
almost empty—and then tries to pull it back at the last second. He
is too late. The man seizes it. The package of Bull’s Eye licorice
falls to the walk. Little White Walking Sam will never eat red
licorice again.
The man pulls Sam toward him, reels him in the way
a fisherman would reel in a trout. The hand clamped over Sam’s is
very strong. It hurts. Sam begins to cry. The sun is still out, the
grass is still green, but suddenly the whole world seems distant,
no more than a cruel mirage in which he was for a little while
allowed to believe.
He can smell Sen-Sen on the man’s breath. Am I
in trouble, sir? he asks, hoping with every fiber of his being
that the man will say no.
Yes, the man says. Yes, you are. In a Lot of
trouble. And if you want to get out of trouble, son, you have to do
ecthactly as I thay. Do you underthand?
Sam cannot reply. He has never been so afraid. He
can only look up at the man with wide, streaming eyes.
The man shakes him. Do you underthand or
not?
Ye—yes! Sam gasps. He feels an almost
irresistible heaviness in his bladder.
Let me tell you exthactly who I am, the man
says, breathing little puffs of Sen-Sen into Sam’s face. I am
the Briggth Avenue Library Cop, and I am in charge of punishing
boyth and girlth who bring their books back late.
Little White Walking Sam begins to cry harder.
I’ve got the money! he manages through his sobs. I’ve got
ninety-five cents! You can have it! You can have it all!
He tries to pull the change out of his pocket. At
the same moment the Library Cop looks around and his broad face
suddenly seems sharp, suddenly the face of a fox or wolf who has
successfully broken into the chicken house but now smells
danger.
Come on, he says, and jerks Little White
Walking Sam off the path and into the thick bushes which grow along
the side of the library. When the poleethman tellth you to come,
you COME! It is dark in here; dark and mysterious. The air
smells of pungent juniper berries. The ground is dark with mulch.
Sam is crying very loudly now.
Thut up! the Library Policeman grunts, and
gives Sam a hard shake. The bones in Sam’s hand grind together
painfully. His head wobbles on his neck. They have reached a little
clearing in the jungle of bushes now, a cove where the junipers
have been smashed flat and the ferns broken off, and Sam
understands that this is more than a place the Library Cop knows;
it is a place he has made.
Thut up, or the fine will only be the beginning!
I’ll have to call your mother and tell her what a bad boy you’ve
been! Do you want that?
No! Sam weeps. I’ll pay the fine! I’ll
pay it, mister, but please don’t hurt me!
The Library Policeman spins Little White Walking
Sam around.
Put your hands up on the wall! Thpread your
feet! Now! Quick!
Still sobbing, but terrified that his mother may
find out he has done something bad enough to merit this sort of
treatment, Little White Walking Sam does as the Library Cop tells
him. The red bricks are cool, cool in the shade of the bushes which
lie against this side of the building in a tangled, untidy heap. He
sees a narrow window at ground level. It looks down into the
Library’s boiler room. Bare bulbs shaded with rounds of tin like
Chinese coolie hats hang over the giant boiler; the duct-pipes
throw weird octopus-tangles of shadow. He sees a janitor standing
at the far wall, his back to the window, reading dials and making
notes on a clipboard.
The Library Cop seizes Sam’s pants and pulls them
down. His underpants come with them. He jerks as the cool air
strikes his bum.
Thdeady, the Library Policeman pants.
Don’t move. Once you pay the fine, son, it’s over ...
and no one needth to know.
Something heavy and hot presses itself against his
bottom. Little White Walking Sam jerks again.
Thdeady, the Library Policeman says. He is
panting harder now; Sam feels hot blurts of breath on his left
shoulder and smells Sen-Sen. He is lost in terror now, but terror
isn’t all that he feels: there is shame, as well. He has been
dragged into the shadows, is being forced to submit to this
grotesque, unknown punishment, because he has been late returning
The Black Arrow. If he had only known that fines could run
this high—!
The heavy thing jabs into his bottom, thrusting his
buttocks apart. A horrible, tearing pain laces upward from Little
White Walking Sam’s vitals. There has never been pain like this,
never in the world.
He drops The Black Arrow and shoves his
wrist sideways into his mouth, gagging his own cries.
Thdeady, the Library Wolf pants, and now his
hands descend on Sam’s shoulders and he is rocking back and forth,
in and out, back and forth, in and out. Thdeady ...
thdeaady ... oooh! Thdeeeaaaaaaddyyyyy—
Gasping and rocking, the Library Cop pounds what
feels like a huge hot bar of steel in and out of Sam’s bum; Sam
stares with wide eyes into the Library basement, which is in
another universe, an orderly universe where gruesome things
like this don’t ever happen. He watches the janitor nod, tuck his
clipboard under his arm, and walk toward the door at the far end of
the room. If the janitor turned his head just a little and raised
his eyes slightly, he would see a face peering in the window at
him, the pallid, wide-eyed face of a little boy with red licorice
on his lips. Part of Sam wants the janitor to do just that—to
rescue him the way the woodcutter rescued Little Red Riding
Hood—but most of him knows the janitor would only turn away,
disgusted, at the sight of another bad little boy submitting to his
just punishment at the hands of the Briggs Avenue Library
Cop.
Thdeadeeeeeeeeeee! the Library Wolf
whisper-screams as the janitor goes out the door and into the rest
of his orderly universe without looking around. The Wolf thrusts
even further forward and for one agonized second the pain becomes
so bad Little White Walking Sam is sure his belly will explode,
that whatever it is the Library Cop has stuck up his bottom will
simply come raving out the front of him, pushing his guts ahead of
it.
The Library Cop collapses against him in a smear of
rancid sweat, panting harshly, and Sam slips to his knees under his
weight. As he does, the massive object—no longer quite so
massive—pulls out of him, but Sam can feel wetness all over his
bottom. He is afraid to put his hands back there. He is afraid that
when they come back he will discover he has become Little Red
Bleeding Sam.
The Library Cop suddenly grasps Sam’s arm and pulls
him around to face him. His face is redder than ever, flushed in
puffy, hectic bands like warpaint across his cheeks and
forehead.
Look at you! the Library Cop says. His face
pulls together in a knot of contempt and disgust. Look at you
with your panth down and your little dingle out! You liked it,
didn’t you? You LIKED it!
Sam cannot reply. He can only weep. He pulls his
underwear and his pants up together, as they were pulled down. He
can feel mulch inside them, prickling his violated bottom, but he
doesn’t care. He squirms backward from the Library Cop until his
back is to the Library’s red brick wall. He can feel tough branches
of ivy, like the bones of a large, fleshless hand, poking into his
back. He doesn’t care about this, either. All he cares about is the
shame and terror and the sense of worthlessness that now abide in
him, and of these three the shame is the greatest. The shame is
beyond comprehension.
Dirty boy! the Library Cop spits at him.
Dirty little boy!
I really have to go home now, Little White
Walking Sam says, and the words come out minced into segments by
his hoarse sobs: Is my fine paid?
The Library Cop crawls toward Sam on his hands and
knees, his little round black eyes peering into Sam’s face like the
blind eyes of a mole, and this is somehow the final grotesquerie.
Sam thinks, He is going to punish me again, and at this idea
something in his mind, some overstressed strut or armature, gives
way with a soggy snap he can almost hear. He does not cry or
protest; he is now past that. He only looks at the Library Cop with
silent apathy.
No, the Library Cop says. I’m letting you
go, thatth all. I’m taking pity on you, but if you ever tell anyone
... ever ... I’ll come back and do it again. I’ll do it until the
fine is paid. And don’t you ever let me catch you around here
again, son. Do you underthand?
Yes, Sam says. Of course he will come back and do
it again if Sam tells. He will be in the closet late at night;
under the bed; perched in a tree like some gigantic, misshapen
crow. When Sam looks up into a troubled sky, he will see the
Library Policeman’s twisted, contemptuous face in the clouds. He
will be anywhere; he will be everywhere.
This thought makes Sam tired, and he closes his
eyes against that lunatic mole-face, against everything.
The Library Cop grabs him, shakes him again.
Yeth, what? he hisses. Yeth what, son?
Yes, I understand, Sam tells him without
opening his eyes.
The Library Policeman withdraws his hand. Good, he
says. You better not forget. When bad boys and girls forget, I
kill them.
Little White Walking Sam sits against the wall with
his eyes closed for a long time, waiting for the Library Cop to
begin punishing him again, or to simply kill him. He wants to cry,
but there are no tears. It will be years before he cries again,
over anything. At last he opens his eyes and sees he is alone in
the Library Cop’s den in the bushes. The Library Cop is gone. There
is only Sam, and his copy of The Black Arrow, lying open on
its spine.
Sam begins to crawl toward daylight on his hands
and knees. Leaves tickle his sweaty, tear-streaked face, branches
scrape his back and spank against his hurt bottom. He takes The
Black Arrow with him, but he will not bring it into the
Library. He will never go into the Library, any library, ever
again: this is the promise he makes to himself as he crawls away
from the place of his punishment. He makes another promise, as
well: nobody will ever find out about this terrible thing, because
he intends to forget it ever happened. He senses he can do this. He
can do it if he tries very, very hard, and he intends to start
trying very, very hard right now.
When he reaches the edge of the bushes, he looks
out like a small hunted animal. He sees kids crossing the lawn. He
doesn’t see the Library Cop, but of course this doesn’t matter; the
Library Cop sees him. From today on, the Library Cop will
always be close.
At last the lawn is empty. A small, dishevelled
boy, Little White Crawling Sam, wriggles out of the bushes with
leaves in his hair and dirt on his face. His untucked shirt billows
behind him. His eyes are wide and staring and no longer completely
sane. He sidles over to the concrete steps, casts one cringing,
terrified look up at the cryptic Latin motto inscribed over the
door, and then lays his book down on one of the steps with all the
care and terror of an orphan girl leaving her nameless child on
some stranger’s doorstep. Then Little White Walking Sam becomes
Little White Running Sam: he runs across the lawn, he sets the
Briggs Avenue Branch of the St. Louis Public Library to his back
and runs, but it doesn’t matter how fast he runs because he can’t
outrun the taste of red licorice on his tongue and down his throat,
sweet and sugar-slimy, and no matter how fast he runs the Library
Wolf of course runs with him, the Library Wolf is just behind his
shoulder where he cannot see, and the Library Wolf is whispering
Come with me, son ... I’m a poleethman, and he
will always whisper that, through all the years he will
whisper that, in those dark dreams Sam dares not remember he will
whisper that, Sam will always run from that voice screaming Is
it paid yet? Is the fine paid yet? Oh dear God please, is MY FINE
PAID YET? And the answer which comes back is always the same:
It will never be paid, son; it will never be paid.
Never.
Nev—