Chapter 21

The Police car was warm. I was actually pleased to have some heat. I had been outside pretty much since 4:00 am the previous day and I was chilled to the bone. I hadn’t slept apart from a cat nap on the train and I was starving hungry. I told myself that if I had planned it better, I would have taken some more money or at least made some sandwiches.

The desk sergeant at the Police station was insistent I give a name, so I made one up and was taken to a cell where I could get some sleep. Cells didn’t scare me, I settled in and dozed off quickly. I must have only had about three hours sleep when I was woken up by the smell of toast. A policewoman came waltzing into the cell.

“Morning lovely,” she said. She was a bit cheerful for so early in the morning, but I wasn’t going to turn down the chance of a cup of tea and toast by being rude.

The sound of people walking up and down the corridors of the Police station let me know it was getting busier. I felt like a right criminal put in the cells, but for the fact that on this one occasion I hadn’t done anything wrong, In my opinion.

After awhile the policewoman came back and asked me to go with her to an interview room. I followed her through a few doors, down a corridor and into a side room. When we walked in, there was an older lady waiting. She smiled at me as I entered and sat myself down at the table. After a few minutes of her explaining that she was the “on call” social worker from the local social services department, she said she was going to have to find me somewhere to stay. If I didn’t own up to who I was and whom I was supposed to meet, she had no choice.

I can’t tell them the truth, they’ll send me to the home! I would get Dave into big trouble if I told them he was up here too, so I sat in silence whilst they waffled on to me about being sent back to my cell to think about things. As the cell door clunked shut I knew deep down it was over. The social worker told me that I would be going to a Leicestershire children’s home until I decided to tell the truth.

I sat there reasoning that even if I stayed quiet in Leicester, Dave had brought this on himself. He hadn’t met me, he had left me to roast and he obviously didn’t want the things that I did or the things we planned together. The big fat liar. I could sense that on the telephone with girls giggling and having fun in the background. He didn’t need me so what was the point in my staying loyal or staying around?

I was feeling depressed as I finally admitted to lying and told the police officer my real name. They found me on the computer system. The children’s home had reported me as missing. All that was needed now was to arrange for them to take me back home. Home? Is that what it is? It might be a children’s home but it certainly isn’t home to me.

The police drove me all the way back. They were actually quite nice. Listening to the radio and stopping for lunch on the way, they looked on it as a day out. It did take several hours.

I didn’t know what to expect on my return. Am I in trouble? What will happen now? The police gave me lectures about behaving myself and to stop wasting everyone’s time. Yes that’s it, at the end of the day, I’m just a waste of time. Even Dave couldn’t be bothered with me anymore. My family couldn’t be bothered so why should I? I planned that I would just end it all. I would kill myself and have it over and done with, then I wouldn’t be a burden.

The staff were surprisingly welcoming when we arrived back home. I had thought after all the agro I had caused everyone, I was in for a lecture or two. But I was pleasantly surprised when I was told to go and have a bath and they would sort out some dinner for me.

The other kids ran up to me on the stairs, all excited to hear the stories of my adventure. I had nothing to say. I certainly didn’t want to tell the other kids that my boyfriend had left me to make a complete fool of myself and how I was left stranded in a strange city, sleeping on a bench. Err, no, I think I’ll keep this adventure to myself.

I had nothing to say to anyone; the staff all tried talking to me. They were aware of what had happened, the police had told them. They gave me space for the night and I ate dinner and went to bed. I didn’t have any arguments left. All I wanted to do was sleep. Hopefully, tomorrow Dave would ring me saying how sorry he was and how it was all a big mistake, that it wasn’t him at Andy’s flat and that it must have been someone else’s voice. But my heart knew the truth, and I knew that even if he did call, I had nothing to say.

The phone did ring the next day but it was my social worker Albert. The children’s home had told him that I was not welcome there anymore. He was told he had to find an alternative placement for me. I was a bad influence on the other kids and causing unrest in the home.

“Why did you fucking bring me back, if you’re getting rid of me?” I screamed at them as I stomped up the stairs. I was furious. I could have stayed up in Leicester and met Dave. What if Dave had turned up five minutes after I was found by the police? And they had the audacity to say, “You’re back now so you can fuck off!” Well, that’s what it felt like to me. I ran up the rest of the stairs to be on my own, slammed my door and threw myself down on my bed and buried my head in my pillow. I was angry, upset, rejected, all of the above, but no tears would come. I couldn’t remember the last time I had cried real tears. I screamed anger into my pillow.

I wasn’t interested in dinner when I was called down later. All I wanted was to be left alone. People only came into my life to hurt me or wreck it, to wreck my plans and spoil any fun I might have. What is the point in doing anything to make my life happier when so called well meaning adults are there to mess it up?