Chapter 19

The weekend was getting close and I had arranged to meet Dave in Leicester. I was nervously excited as I stuffed a bag full of my favourite gear, my best shoes and not forgetting of course, my makeup bag. I was going to hide it somewhere nearby so that when Friday arrived, no one at the children’s home would find out that I was missing until it was too late. I had a few quid saved and knew it would be plenty to get me to Leicester, bearing in mind trains were usually free for me. All I needed was enough to get me to Dave. I thought, Maybe I ought to pay this time as I can’t risk getting caught. If I could get myself there, Dave would sort out the rest.

The bag I had stuffed under the front hedge of the neighbouring house was damp and as I grabbed it out, I prayed that my clothes would be okay. It was very early in the morning. The birds hadn’t been up long and were full of song. It was just starting to get light too. I had to get a shift on, the day staff would be in soon to take over from the nights. Then they would start their normal rounds waking everyone up, preparing breakfast and pushing and annoying the kids to get ready. No one wanted to go to school and no one made it easy for the staff. I had to hurry.

The Milkman was passing in his milk float as I walked up the road. He looked at me funnily as if to say, What on Earth are you doing out at this ungodly time of the morning? I hurried on up the road sticking close to the fences. It was freezing cold, but then it was only early spring.

As I got to the main road I immediately started hitchhiking. I had to get a ride before staff passed by and spotted me. I knew it wouldn’t take me long to get a lift though, it never did. A young girl with huge boobs in a miniskirt? It was just a matter of minutes. The guy who picked me up gave me a lecture on how I was too young to hitchhike and shouldn’t take rides from strangers.

Blah fuckin’ blah fuckin’ blah! I only had to listen to him for about 15 minutes and then we would be at the town where I could get the train. He said he was an accountant and proceeded to lecture me on getting a good education. Of course, I agreed with everything he said. I just nodded and gazed out the window planning what Dave and I were going to do with the rest of our lives.

I had to waste the day doing not much really. My train wasn’t until late that evening, so I made my way to some friends. I spent the day watching TV and wandering around town or sitting in a café watching the world go by.

It was Friday night and a lot of people would be on their way out clubbing or going home for the weekend from work. I had just enough money for my ticket and held on to it tightly, picking at the corners of it as I sat in the waiting room for the train. I had to buy a ticket for once. It had taken so much planning to get it all right, I couldn’t afford to risk getting caught on this night of all nights. It nearly killed me handing over my money when I knew I could have bunked the trip. The risk just wasn’t worth it.

The waiting room was old and musty. It needed a good lick of paint and some new seats. The old wooden benches were covered in scratched graffiti. I was over an hour early so I spent the time people watching and reading graffiti. It wasn’t the first time I had run away but this was different. It was the first time I really meant it and knew I wasn’t going back. I didn’t ever want to go back. Usually I was just going for a weekend to a rally or a gig, but this time I was going for life.

I still hadn’t seen dad or Maggie. I think they had moved on and forgot about me. I heard they had been to Italy with Alex. Nice one, I thought a little jealous that, as usual, I missed out. I was difficult. I knew I was and I really don’t think things would have been any different if Maggie had loved me. I knew that I wasn’t wanted and if I was going to make anything out of my life it was going to be up to me. It was time to get on with it.

I sat in the waiting room that day doing a lot of dreaming of what my future life would be. What sort of house will Dave and I live in? Will we have kids? What will we do for money?

Dave was in the army but hated it. He hated not being able to do what he wanted when he wanted. He was pushed into the army because his brother was in already and his dad had an army career. So it was expected of Dave too. The only thing he liked about it was the rugby, and I had to admit that he was pretty good. I think he was just as much a rebel at heart as I was really, but I know he used to feed off of my attitude. It excited him and gave him courage, he often told me.

Waiting for the train I wondered, Will I be missed by anyone, ever? I don’t think school will miss me. School is rubbish anyway. I only got on with my year head. She seemed to understand me but then I did spend a lot of the time I was at school in her office. My other teachers had washed their hands of me. I did the work when I felt like it or if I understood it. I wouldn’t be bothered if it was difficult. I would just walk out. Being honest it was easier if I didn’t understand the work. I was far too proud and too cool to ask for help.

I would also get sent directly to the year head’s office if I chose not to wear school uniform. My trademark miniskirts or ski-pants were often what I chose to wear. I told the kids home not to bother when they bought me a new school uniform. I wouldn’t wear it anyway so why not just give me the money instead? I could then spend it in charity shops on original sixties clothing. But of course they insisted I try to conform by wearing school uniform. Who are they kidding? I refused to put it on and said if they wanted me to go to school then, “I will wear what I like, or not go at all. I have street cred to think about, you know?”

I hardly went to school anyway playing truant for days, sometimes weeks at a time. It was hardly surprising that I wasn’t doing very well academically. I was always popular, probably because of my rebellious ways. Other kids found it highly hilarious if I mouthed off at one of my teachers or walked out of class to go and have a ciggie behind the toilet blocks. Nothing ever happened when I got caught. Maybe worse case scenario I’d get sent to the year head who would greet me with a sigh, “Okay Abbie, what have you done this time?”

I have to admit, actually she was really cool, that year head. She was pretty much the only nice thing I remembered about my school days. She wasn’t a pretty lady, quite broad and not feminine. She had her hair cut short and never wore much makeup apart from a bit of lippy. She empathized with my plight, not like the rest of the teachers who hated me. They couldn’t be bothered. In fact, the whole school stopped bothering when I went into care.

The loudspeakers rang out and I jumped out of my daydreaming. “Train to Leicester will be arriving at platform two in five minutes.” It sounded like someone was pinching their nose and talking as close to the microphone as possible. This is it, I thought, the moment I’ve been waiting for, my ticket to paradise. I took a deep breath, collected my bag and wandered onto the platform. Whilst standing with everyone else I had a sense of fear as the butterflies started fluttering in my tummy and built up to a full blown fight or flight adrenaline rush.

Hurry up train! I tapped my foot with impatience and looked around the crowd nervously. What if I’m found before the train leaves? I edged my way forward through the mob to the white line on the platform. I don’t remember being this nervous before, not for anything really. The fact that I had paid for my ticket should have reassured me. What if something goes wrong? I could be stuck in that kid’s home until I’m 18.