Chapter 12

I met Dave when I was walking home one day from town. It was a long walk, an uphill slog all the way ending in a really steep bit to get to my house. It seemed to take ages and every step left my calves with a burning sensation. I was totally unfit and getting a cramp. Chatting with a friend leaning against the railway bridge at the top of the hill, I caught up with gossip and took a breather. I wasn’t far from home when this mod guy wandered up just to say, “Hi.” That was the thing with mods, they were friendly to their own local gangs but, of course, far too good for anyone else. Rival gangs most often fought tooth and nail, mods fighting mods. Really stupid, I thought, and all in the name of image or territory.

I stood there thinking, How do I look? Is my hair okay? How are my eyes and my bitch lines? I was wearing pale blue ski-pants and a blue and white sleeveless top with swirly patterns. I had pointed flat shoes with a small buckle on the front. To be honest, I looked more than passable, but I had to go through the motions.

“Are you new to the area?” I asked very curiously because talent like this didn’t normally slip through undetected.

“Yeah, just been posted here. What’s the local mod scene like?”

“Well, uh. . .” I was staring. “So who. . .uh, what do you. .?”

“I’m in Juniors Leaders in the army. Stationed at the barracks just up the hill.”

“No kidding?” It was all that came to mind.

“Would you show me around?” he asked.

Would I ever? Too right! I started to stutter but finally got it out without loosing my calm pretence, “Sure.”

This guy was totally fit. He was cool and he spoke with a soft Yorkshire accent which I found very inviting. He was about six feet tall and pretty big built. He played rugby for the Juniors Leaders and had also played for the Yorkshire Juniors I later discovered. So he was a real hunk, well toned too.

Dave was stationed near Folkestone and would be there for six months training. It didn’t take long before we started seeing each other on a regular basis. We would meet up at a café in town where all the mods hung out. They had a great jukebox full of oldies and they served wicked bacon butties.

Dave had a scooter which we rode around posing and getting into trouble. I was still stealing and smoking. Dave was always very sensible and tried to talk sense into me, advising me against this or that. At times he got pretty boring to be honest. I tried it all, Purple Hearts, Acid, even glue sniffing and aerosols, anything for a buzz. It really didn’t matter. Dave never touched the stuff, and I never did it when he was around. He didn’t even drink, never mind do drugs. I didn’t feel like I needed drugs when I was with him.

I was falling for Dave hook, line and sinker but, at the same time, I was scared. I figured sooner or later he would want sex. They all did at some point, and I wasn’t wrong, After about three weeks of seeing him we were walking up the lane towards the army camp when he pulled me around and started kissing me. He was so passionate! I had never been kissed like that before. I had never actually enjoyed kissing either. The thought of someone’s tongue down my throat disgusted me, but this? It was nice, very nice. I never had the power to say “No,” even if I wanted to.

“Shhh, your gonna wake them up,” I giggled. I had been grounded yet again but it wouldn’t stop me from having a good time. If I couldn’t go out, then Dave would have to come and sneak in. I sent him around the back to find the ladder propped up against the garden shed. He brought it round to the front of the house and positioned it under my window, scraping the walls. I was giggling and waving at him, “Shhh,Shhh!”

The windows were wooden and heavy, but they slid upwards giving Dave enough room to climb in. In a fit of giggles, we both dived on my bed and lay there talking for hours.

We spoke about our pasts. Dave had had a happy childhood. He had brothers he looked up to and wanted to impress. His birth parents were still together. My story was a wee bit different. I was very insecure. I had begun to hate the world for what it had done to me, and I was well old enough to know what happened to me as a kid was so wrong. I could still feel the pain whenever I thought about it. Somehow though, it never seemed wrong to have sex. I had become very promiscuous. It wasn’t hard to get me into bed, in fact, who needed a bed? Sex was sex. I was quite skilled and I knew how to perform because I had been taught from childhood.

I never ever enjoyed it though. I saw guys enjoying it and girlfriends talking about sex with sparkles in their eyes. They talked like they had been reading a Mill’s and Boon novel, all mushy stuff that made you want to put your finger down your throat and make yourself sick. What’s so good about sex? I thought. You lay there writhing around for a bit, moaning and pretending to enjoy it like the ladies in the videos. If he wasn’t pounding you, maybe you’d suck his prick and he would cum and shoot sticky stuff in your mouth or on your face, then it was over. Wham Bam, big deal!

I started telling Dave about my past when I heard Maggie stirring. She was coming down the hallway, the floorboards creaking as she made her way to my room. Dave dived under the covers and I pretended to be asleep as Maggie popped her head in my room. Lucky for me she didn’t turn the light on. I don’t know why she didn’t as I’m sure I giggled. My stomach was fit to burst from holding in the laughter, the pains were so real. I really needed to laugh out loud, but if Maggie caught Dave in my room he would be banned. A lot of guys got banned from seeing me. Most of them were wimps and usually did as my Dad or Alex said. Dad and Maggie didn’t really like any of the guys I brought home. You would have thought the excitement of nearly getting caught would have been too much for Dave. But no, he hung in there. We had sex in my room that night as quietly as possible. Being scared to wake anyone, it was a bit of thrill if nothing else.

Alex was sleeping in the room right next to me, and I certainly didn’t want him woken up. He was getting a bit of a reputation as a hard nut. You didn’t mess with Alex and if you did, you thought about it twice the next time. I would go out to mod gigs and Alex would warn guys off me. He was getting pretty boring to be around spoiling the attention I was getting. But he liked Dave and they started to become good friends. Mods liked to hang around Alex because he was cool. He dressed to impress and was never short of a girlfriend. He had a coolness about him people on the mod scene respected.

But because he would cramp my style, I started going out less and less with Alex and more and more on my own. We started growing apart. I was getting fed up taking the blame for him anyhow, alcohol, fags, phone bills. I always accepted the blame and said it was me. Maybe that’s why I felt totally unwanted. I was forcing Dad and Maggie to dislike me and I didn’t even realise it.

I was pissed at Alex stealing my friends. Why can’t he find his own damn friends? I wondered. Why’s he stealing mine? I was very jealous of the way Dad and Maggie treated Alex. I ‘m the hero, or is it the martyr? At least that was how Alex should have seen it. The way he repaid me was by cramping my style. Thanks Bro!