Don’t get selfishly attached to anything, for
trying to hold on to it will bring you pain.
HUNGRY GHOST
THE COSMIC HUMOR is not lost on me as I begin this
topic, for I have just begun a several-day fast of warm broth and
water. It’s too early in the process to actually be hungry, but it
is never too early in the process for the monkey mind to begin
obsessing over the prospect of possible future hunger.
Upon hearing of the concept of Hungry Ghost, I have
found the ideas so accurately descriptive and on the mark as to
how, in our human mind, we are so similar to a hungry ghost that
can never be satisfied.
Consider the image of artist Edvard Munch’s The
Scream with the tiny oval mouth that does not open. The ghostly
figure is famished, starving with no means of receiving
nourishment, satisfaction or fulfillment of any kind.
As a minister for more than twenty-eight years, I
have made many a house call visiting recuperating or ill or elderly
congregants. Years ago the awareness came to me that in seeing how
one lived—what their homes and cars looked like inside and how they
interacted with family—told me volumes that perhaps would not have
emerged after years of counseling. I have entered homes, from
humble dwellings to mansions, packed with massive amounts of
“stuff.” I have been invited into rooms that were only narrow
pathways in which to traverse the clutter, which included the
unopened boxes of toasters, slow cookers, coffeepots and domed hair
dryers and on and on.
On a recent visit to New York City to study with
the Dalai Lama, I left RCM Hall late one afternoon. Thousands of
attendees poured out onto Sixth Avenue, many attempting to hail
taxis. Since it was a bright, warm autumn day, I decided to walk
over to Fifth Avenue to try my luck at getting a cab there. Well,
lo and behold, what was at the corner but Saks Fifth Avenue!
Needless to say, I had to go in. I always like to balance my
spiritual nirvana with a tiny dose of samsara.
I headed directly to the famous new shoe department
I had seen on the TV news. It’s so large it has its own zip code,
if you can only imagine. It was a Saturday mob scene. One would
have thought Saks was giving away these shoes, instead of charging
prices that ranged from expensive to stratospheric.
I sat on a low bench to take a breather and just
observe the frenetic scene when a very young woman approached me.
She was tall and stately with beautiful legs that she was
attempting to emphasize even more with the elegant stilettos she
wore. She asked for my help. Should she buy the plain leather pumps
for $400 or the gray snakeskin ones for $875? As gently as possible
I—who own many pairs of shoes—explained to her that just minutes
before I had been with the Dalai Lama at a lecture and couldn’t
possibly shift from those teachings and their energy to assist her
in choosing between two expensive pairs of shoes. My only advice to
this woman of perhaps twenty-two was to ask her to consider how
limited would be her opportunities to wear the more expensive of
the two pairs of shoes. The black pumps would at least serve her
better and longer. She pondered my advice for a moment . . . and
then bought the more expensive pair! Ah so.
It is perfectly okay to spend our money as we
choose. We just need to remember that stuff, no matter how
beautiful or expensive, does not make us happy or define who we
really are.
A hungry ghost consciousness is one that can never
experience anything as enough—sweets, acknowledgments, possessions,
caring, attention—stuff of any description. Recently I saw an
article on a wealthy socialite and her closet, which looked like a
fine designer shop. She had 350 coats. Now, even if one lived in
northern Norway, what could one possibly do with 350 coats? We all
need to learn when enough is enough.
Ponder for a moment the mental clutter that must
accumulate over ownership of vast numbers of stuff. How does one
remember what one owns? It is mentally draining.
Imelda Marcos and her collection of shoes became
legendary. If one has the financial means to own 350 coats, or
thousands of pairs of shoes, or numerous house, or airplanes, or
are able to do whatever one wants with one’s resources, the
questions arise: What about their souls? Are their souls satisfied?
What are they investing in their souls?
The hungry ghost can never be satisfied but forever
attempts satisfaction by accumulating, by grasping, by clinging.
Other ways the hungry ghost manifests itself is the inability to
release and let go. Accumulating or hoarding eventually makes one
miserable, causing oneself to suffer rather than offering pleasure.
Such activity offers pain.
There are myriad ways the hungry ghost and her
phantom characteristics appear. A hungry ghost is:
• The woman at the holiday gift exchange who
always chooses the gift she brought out of fear. She believes that
if she left her selection to random choice, it would never be as
fine as her own purchase.
• The wealthy matron at a luncheon who wins the
table arrangement, but wants the one at the next table because it
looks “fuller.”
• The retreatant who, upon receiving blessed
beads from the presenter of ancient wisdom, goes from retreatant to
retreatant asking to switch beads because she sees that theirs
would match her dress better.
• The corporate mogul earning millions of dollars
a year who attempts to accumulate even more through deception or
fraud.
• The alcoholic who no longer even enjoys a
drink, figuring that if one beer goes down easily on a summer
night, why not twelve or twenty-four?
• The professional athlete who boasts of having
sex with more than a thousand women.
Anne, a friend of mine, experienced several years
that were most challenging. Her parents, who were in their
nineties, became ill simultaneously, as did her husband, much older
than she. Her husband was a most successful financier who lived a
“John Wayne, I’m in charge, I can do anything, I can make anything
happen” sort of life. A second marriage for both, they lived a
lavish lifestyle, jetting between their three multimillion-dollar
homes.
Anne’s husband totally controlled the finances, and
that was just fine with her. But toward the end of his life she
realized that he had left everything in a trust, with Anne
receiving only an annual stipend that was less than what they lived
on monthly. She felt that she could return to her previous career
as a teacher if he died, even though she had been out of
circulation for more than twenty years. She thought she should not
say anything, and she did not. When in his last hours her husband
questioned the trust he had set up years before, she brushed off
his concern and said she would be just fine.
When her husband did pass, his attorneys waited
only two weeks to approach her and say she needed to get the
primary family home ready to go on the market. This was two weeks
after her husband died of a lingering, two-year illness, and eight
months after the death of her beloved mother. Compassion was absent
from the communications.
It was shortly after this occurrence that she
learned of a highly recommended psychic who looked at the photo of
a deceased loved one and delivered a message to the living person.
Anne brought pictures of both her mother and her husband. Instantly
the message came from her mother, “Anne, you have to learn when
enough is enough.” Anne welled up with tears. These words, this
phrase, were the exact words her mother had often spoken to
her.
This psychic did not know Anne or her mother. They
had never spoken before. Anne does not have a hungry ghost
personality. She is giving, gracious and generous, definitely not
hungry ghost traits. And yet there was a place of fear expanding in
her mind. Would she be okay? Would she have enough resources to
carry her into the future and beyond? Subtle, hungry ghost thoughts
were rising. Fortunately for Anne, she is aware enough not to water
those seed thoughts. Yet her mother’s message from beyond the grave
was, “You have to learn when enough is enough.” Anne was quite
moved by this message, because it helped her come to the
realization that she would always have more than enough to meet her
every need, as well as delivering to her the most valuable lesson
that those who love you will always love you.
Consider where in your life you have perhaps been
living like a hungry ghost, never satisfied, always one with an
insatiable appetite. Where are the excesses in your life? It may
not be accumulating things, but your excesses may be worry,
control, power or wanting to be liked or acknowledged.
When visiting congregants in their homes, I have
truly seen it all, from simple Zen perfection to unimaginable
clutter. Metaphysical teacher and author Terry Cole-Whittaker has a
saying that I just love: “Stuff loves people.” That always comes to
mind when I see a home overflowing with stuff. It really makes no
difference if it’s expensive, fine stuff or recycled dime store
stuff. It is simply too much stuff, too much clutter.
Diane, a friend of mine whom I adore, went through
a horrendous divorce where she lost who she thought was her soul
mate. She did, however, get to keep all the vast amount of stuff
from their 6,000-square-foot home. When she moved into a
2,400-square-foot condominium, all of the accumulated, coordinated,
designer-decorated, elegant, expensive stuff came along.
Her new residence looked like a very crowded,
high-end furniture store. It was packed to the brim—the walls, the
floor, everywhere. There were even sculptures under tables because
there was no place else to put them. Diane has always been
meticulously neat. Even though her packed house was clean, it was
extremely difficult to get from room to room. Nothing could be
appreciated because there was so much of everything.
While I was her houseguest for a few days, we
talked about what was going on. Diane, a professor, knew this
situation was not healthy. But, as she explained, “I’m just not
ready to let anything go yet.” She added that when she healed from
her divorce, she would.
When we saw each other more than a year later at
Christmastime, she told me she had taken many items to a designer
resale shop and had a sale at her condo. Also, she packed up
one-third of what was left and put it in storage for now, and she
would have another purging and sale in the spring.
Diane had wrestled long and hard with the
dissolution of her marriage and the dismantling of her very
comfortable lifestyle represented by her beautiful things, but now
she has at long last found the inner beauty of her soul. She has
found peace and is so much happier. She is no longer a hungry
ghost.
It is apparent that in society today we can all
look within and examine just when “enough is enough.” To do so
brings great release and personal freedom. One can then live
without being under the strain of constant accumulation and
management. Then you have the chance to clear your mind of all the
mental baggage and clutter. To know right now that you are already
complete, whole and free is enormously liberating.
Outer clutter in one’s life clutters the mind. It
is almost impossible to be very effective at mindfulness meditation
in the midst of great clutter. Here is a grand technique I heard
some folks talking about doing. It sounded great.
First, you need to obtain five or six large, secure
boxes with lids. Label each box according to the room you are in.
Let’s say you are in your bedroom with the appropriately labeled
box. In the room you could have:
1. Picture frames and unframed pictures.
2. Mementos.
3. Sweaters.
4. Unworn or seldom-worn jewelry.
5. Clothes that do not fit.
6. Knickknacks and books.
When finished you’ll have your index card(s) that
delineate all the contents. Store the box or boxes, go to the next
room and repeat the process until you complete your entire home.
After one year, decide if you really want or need what’s in those
boxes. Keep what you want and sell or give the rest away,
circulating your stuff and blessing those who will want it and use
it.
I am not suggesting that we divest ourselves of
everything we possess externally and internally and go live in a
monastery (although at times this idea is tremendously appealing to
me, just so long as my husband and our two dogs and one cat can
come, too).
I am suggesting that we mentally and soulfully
shift from over-consumerism to mindful consumerism, that we realize
more is not better, it’s just more, that we realize the fulfillment
and satisfaction that we desire already exists within our essence,
our core. We become full spirits rather than the old, ghoulish
hungry ghost.
We then begin to alleviate our suffering through
Right View, Right Thought, Right Effort and Right Mindfulness. In
studying Buddhism, it has always been important, as in all my
spiritual pursuits, to make the connection between the teaching and
the practical, day-to-day living of life.
For these extraordinary teachings to have meaning
in your life, you must faithfully apply them to your day-by-day,
even moment-by-moment, living. Then the shift happens.
The hungry ghost mentality devours its host. The
victim of the hungry ghost must find satisfaction, fulfillment and
meaning, not in the hoarding and the clutter, but in removing the
obscurations that are blocking the awareness of the divine in
us—first from the mind and then in the outer environment.
When we have realized our inner Buddha nature and
know that part of ourselves, then we can feel safe enough to begin
to let go of our stuff. We then gradually learn a valuable lesson:
There is always enough!
There is enough of whatever it may be—enough coats
(stores in the future will still be selling coats), enough shoes,
hair dryers and coffeepots. It can actually be fun to open an
unknown holiday package and be surprised.
A recurring theme in Buddhism is that everything
one does is for the benefit of other people. Buddhists are the most
selfless people I have ever met. They are praying for our happiness
right now. They clearly know there is enough for whatever we need
without grasping or clinging.
THE ANTIDOTE
The use of Right Mindfulness for freeing oneself
from the suffering of the hungry ghost mentality can start with the
simple observation of your thoughts and actions. A helpful
technique I use is wearing mala beads (the Buddhist prayer beads,
108 in number used to count a chant or mantra or prayer) that are
wrapped around my wrist. Many wear them as a necklace. They cause
me to pay attention when I reach for something while shopping. Do I
really need it? The beads act as my visual reminder not to get
sucked into the vortex of “too much.”
Continuing with helpful antidotes, we can engage
Right View and Right Thought. Here are our deepest perceptions
where we can let go and feel safe and cared for and nurtured from
within. We find satisfaction in what is. We are at peace. Being at
peace allows us to think clearly, free of mental anguish. We no
longer think we have to fight and scrape for what is ours. Rather
we can let go of the struggle and allow the natural order and
goodness of life to embrace us and all others.
We certainly can find benefit in applying any one
of the teachings of the Eight-fold Path, but to keep it simple, we
will conclude for now with Right Effort. When Right Effort is
engaged, you are no longer spinning and grasping, wasting your
precious life. Your life energy goes toward what will be truly
beneficial to you and others. You are wise enough now to cease
looking for happiness and fulfillment where they never can be
found.
Using these methods can prove to be very beneficial
in freeing your mind from its mental chains, freeing it from the
hungry ghost.