The teachings of life are incredibly demanding, pushing us against the wall. We must call upon everything we have ever known to receive true and deep teachings, not necessarily a “good” feeling. We so often want the goodies, the loaves and the fishes. We desire the treats without the strenuous years of arduous study, work and preparation.

We don’t want the arduousness of the journey. We just want the blessing at the end. This is our ego nature at work. We are not interested in the demands of spiritual life. In the Three Jewels we are given three avenues to focus on in our spiritual life—the Buddha, the Dharma, the Sangha.

In Christian thought an equivalent three would be Christ consciousness or God, the spiritual teachings, and the spiritual community or church.

The Three Jewels are the place for us to go to take refuge. Refuge is a concept that we in the West do not generally entertain. It is a haven, a place of peace and safety for the mind, body and soul in order to deepen our spiritual practice. We do not seek refuge in the impermanent, for there we would be left directionless.

The concept of refuge was very prominent in ancient Hawaiian culture. On each island of the Hawaiian chain there was a place of safe haven called “the city of refuge.” Here a warrior who was being pursued for whatever reason could go and seek refuge. Once inside, he or she would be safe and free from authorities. It was a sacred place that gave refuge to all who entered. In Buddhism refuge takes the form of the Three Jewels, rather than being a physical location.

When we fully understand the concept of refuge, we realize we need to take refuge daily, as the Buddhists teach. We all face challenges, those painful times when we are experiencing a great loss through illness or death or troubles at work or within the family, for example. At such times our souls, our psyches, need to find a place of solace, somewhere to go— be it physically or mentally—where we can rest and be renewed. A true place of refuge must be spiritually based, not worldly based. We cannot authentically say, “I take refuge in the refrigerator and the goodies therein,” or “I take refuge in my expensive shoes.” These worldly things may give temporary pleasure, but they cannot give refuge.

The First Jewel of Buddhism that offers us refuge is the Buddha, but not the historic Buddha. It is as the Buddha himself said on his deathbed, “Know that that means the Buddha in you.” We all carry a divine nature within our spirits and souls. We could call it our true nature—the Buddha within, the Christ within.

A Western equivalent of this First Jewel is the Christ within you or the Spirit of God within you. It matters not what you call it. What matters is that you train yourself to immediately go there and no longer go to a place of fear or angst. Take refuge in your true, divine nature.

Two highly respected physicians who are close friends of ours went through nearly identical circumstances. Both lost honored positions through no fault of their own, due to a new chief of staff bringing in his cronies. With no compunction he let a highly regarded surgeon and researcher be dismissed.

They were equally stunned and shaken with disbelief. The impermanenceof life and their positions arose to meet them both. Thankfully both are deeply spiritual and can take refuge in their spiritual practices and community. So they were able to take refuge in the first, second and third jewels.

We never know in life. Life throws us a curveball, and we can be caught very unaware. It is crucial that the Three Jewels be engaged in our lives to keep us in balance.

The Second Jewel, the Dharma, equates with spiritual teachings. The Dharma is the whole body of the teachings of Buddhism. The sacred texts, the ancient teachings passed down through oral tradition as well as passed down from teacher to individual student, all together constitute the Dharma.

We take solace in troubling times of our lives in the Dharma with our spiritual belief system based upon the teachings on a daily basis. If you do not find comfort and inspiration in your current faith, then perhaps it is time to closely examine why you are staying engaged in a system that does not nurture you. We must be able, in absolutely every set of life’s circumstances, to find solace in our spiritual practices and teachings.

For those of us in Western spiritual thought—be it Christian or Jewish—the Dharma (perhaps the Bible, A Course in Miracles or other spiritual texts) must be meaningful. If it is not, we owe it to ourselves to seek a path that holds real value for our souls.

Although I would not have used such languaging at the time, when years ago I began to explore outside the borders of my Catholicism, I was seeking a more meaningful dharma. Dogma and dharma are vastly different. Dogma contains the dictates of religion, whereas Dharma is the body of spiritual teachings. Dogma is often cloaked in guilt. Dharma never is. Only the very fear-filled can find any kind of refuge in dogma.

It is the eternal spiritual teachings that bring us understanding. This leads to knowing, which in turn brings comfort to our souls when they are weary and in need of a resting place. It is helpful to question our current religious belief system to see if it is meeting the criteria of dharma.

Buddhist teachings are ageless and eternal. They are the truth. They are certainly not the only thought system that presents the truth, but they do embody the truth. Most of us have been in situations of disagreement with another where one person says something like this: “You have your truth and I have mine. They are just different, so let’s simply agree to disagree.” This conversation is not about the truth. It is about opinions, judgments. It would be more accurate to say, “You have your opinion and I have mine,” or “You have your judgment and I have mine.”

The truth is not an opinion. It is not a judgment. It is not a variable. It cannot be altered or divided. It simply is. It is as true today as it was two thousand years ago or ten thousand years ago. Truth is eternal. I explain in depth the working of truth principles, what they are, how to recognize them and come to live by them in my book A Course in Life.

The Third Jewel is the Sangha, the spiritual community where we can seek refuge when needed, where we can be a part of a collective consciousness that supports one another, where we can be with like-minded people. I have long believed strongly that everyone needs a spiritual community. The Buddha taught this, and I am happy to have him back me up!

The Sangha is your church, your temple. It is made up of the clergy, women, men and children of the particular community. The Sangha is those of harmonious minds coming together in order to join as a group in spiritual practice, spiritual discipline and worship.

What I have called a “cowboy mentality” my husband, David, calls an “American mentality.” I can go it alone. I don’t need any help. I don’t need anybody. Yep, it’s just me against the world. It’s that individuality of expression usually coming from the ego that I don’t believe is helpful or serves us well.

In contrast, the spiritual teaching is that we need to be with like-minded people with whom we are attuned. We need a spiritual community that we call our home, our church, our temple, our sangha. No matter how strong we are in our individual spiritual practice, it can still be difficult for us to continue without the support and camaraderie of the group. It is a basic need to be with like-minded people—to go to, to love, to practice, to be connected.

While at Plum Village in Dordogne, France, on a retreat with Thich Nhat Hanh, David and I were discovering ways to deepen our practice. At this particular time we were the only “short-timers” at the retreat. None of the others, who were there for months or years, knew who we were or what we did back in America.

There was a young German woman in residence who was always telling me what to do, from peeling an apple to how to wash pots and pans. When her “helpful” suggestions were put forth, I would slowly breathe in and out, smile and follow orders. It was a great exercise in keeping my ego in check, since I pride myself on knowing my way around a kitchen quite well and on being a gourmet cook. One morning during breakfast preparation, she inquired as to what I did professionally back in the States. At this point no one knew, so I said I was an author. She, who had just been carefully telling me how to peel an apple, looked at me quizzically. Then she asked if I had a sangha. After a few moments’ pause, I said, “Yes, I do, and I’m the leader of the sangha.” Then I added that I was the minister of a nondenominational church. Her whole attitude toward me changed immediately, which was exactly what I did not want. All in all it was quite cosmically funny. All of a sudden, after about five days of being ordered about, my status was elevated.

Through the years I have known ministers and congregants who have pulled away, wanting nothing more to do with group energy and dynamics. I have never observed this to be beneficial for those individuals. Often afterward they have met with dire consequences in their lives.

To develop wisdom we need to be aware of the pitfalls that can befall one who pulls away from the support of their spiritual family, their sangha. Says the Dalai Lama: “The Dharma is a mirror to look deeply into your own life at what is being reflected. Whatever is being reflected in your life, there is your teacher to look deeply and correct what is in error in body, speech and mind.” He continued, “We must fully integrate these teachings into our own lives.”

We must move beyond the intellectual knowing of these teachings until they become our experience. Ask, “What relevance does this have to my life today?” It is relevant if it brings what we know in the intellect of our minds into our hearts, into a specific situation, into our lives.

While with Thich Nhat Hanh, who was speaking on the Three Jewels, he said, “These are not just notions. These are your life.” We must learn to fully integrate these teachings into our own lives—integrating knowledge and the practice of that knowledge with compassion, and to always have compassion with ourselves and where we are on the path and for others who may not be where we are on the path. You may be making tremendous strides, while many around you are still living as toddlers. This is such an important reminder when we are about to grow impatient with others because they are not where we are on the path.

We can learn to integrate all three of these into our hearts. They become the energy out of which we live our lives. The Buddha said at the conclusion of his life:

“Dear friends—humans, gods, Brahmans, monastics, and marashs— as witnesses, I tell you that if I have not experienced directly all that I have told you, I would not proclaim that I am an enlightened person, free from suffering. Because I myself have identified suffering, understood suffering, understood the cause of suffering, removed the cause of suffering, confirmed the existence of well-being, gone to the end of the path, and realized total realization.”

Thich Nhat Hanh responded to that quote by saying, “At that moment the earth shook, and the voices of the gods, humans and other living beings throughout the cosmos said, ‘On the planet earth an enlightened person had been born and put into motion the wheel of the dharma, the way of understanding and love.’”

So it was that the wheel of the dharma turned with the Buddha’s awakening. The wheel of the dharma turned with Jesus Christ’s resurrection. With these two acts of awakening and enlightenment came greater opportunity for us all. We must engage these Three Jewels and embrace the opportunities that have been given us.

Here is a spiritual practice that we can engage in daily while holding and counting mala beads or counting with your fingers (much more tedious). Chant at each count, “I seek refuge in the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha.” A Christian version would be, “I seek refuge in the Christ, the teaching and my spiritual community.” Take a deep, easy breath after each conscious repetition, and after a few dozen you will feel yourself calming down and centering. Do this on each of the 108 beads daily, and in time you will experience an increasingly permanent calming and relaxing of your mind.

I had a personal opportunity to directly apply this technique and exercise when I was leaving a Sogyal Rinpoche retreat in Northern California. The area was totally unknown to me as I drove my rental car on the switchback roads alone. I was practicing breathing and remained centered, even in the frightening driving conditions. It occurred to me to call my mother to check on her and to share some of my experiences of the extended retreat.

An unfamiliar male voice answered my call. It was a little disconcerting, until I realized it was a male relative who would seldom visit. It was also unsettling because he was always highly critical of my spiritual study and interest in Buddhism. And here we were, on the telephone with each other just after I had left a Buddhist retreat! My relative’s sardonic attitude had not changed but, thank God and the Buddha, my response had. I remained centered and calm, not responding to any of the worn-out jabs pointed in my direction.

Shortly after ending the conversation I came upon a scenic overlook. I pulled off and drank in the beautiful vista. Then I began to pray on each of the 108 beads of my mala bracelet: “I seek refuge in the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha.” I did four complete sets, which took about twenty minutes, and I subsequently felt totally at peace. Applying the refuge exercise immediately proved to be most beneficial, resulting in warm feelings for my relative instead of hurt, fearful ones.

With a clearing of the mind comes peace and seeking refuge where it truly can be found.