RIGHT MINDFULNESS
THE SIMPLEST DEFINITION of mindfulness for me is
awakened attention. It is to be awake, aware, and to live as a
conscious being. It also refers to deep meditation practice. When
we embody mindfulness, our views are Right View, our thoughts are
Right Thought, our speech is Right Speech, our action is Right
Action, our livelihood is Right Livelihood, our effort is Right
Effort, our concentration is Right Concentration.
We must be mindful in order to live the Eight-fold
Path, to live a noble life as a noble being. To be attentive to
mindfulness is to be attentive to the Christ within us, the Buddha
within us, the Holy Spirit within us.
Right Mindfulness puts to the test the question: Is
this helpful? This question I resonated toward upon first hearing
it. It is like a reality barometer.
• Is this gossiping conversation helpful?
• Is this attitude helpful?
• Is this prejudice helpful?
• Is this fear helpful?
• Is this anger helpful?
• Is this guilt helpful?
• Is this lackadaisical attitude helpful?
• Is this long-held belief helpful?
• Is holding family secrets helpful?
• Is continuing to play the victim helpful?
The participants were instructed to form a large
circle around the room and to hold hands. One man refused to take
the offered hand outstretched to him. When asked by the leader what
was going on, the man’s bold response in front of about fifty
people was that he would not touch the hand of a homosexual. There
was an audible gasp in the room. I felt shivers run over me as the
leader exclaimed, “What? What are you talking about?”
The man, Oskar, raised in an Eastern European
country, puffed himself up to defend his prejudice. “Bill said he
is a homosexual, and I do not know where his hand has been, what it
has touched.” The tension in the room was palpable.
Bill quickly and consciously responded, “I’ll
move.” And he did, but not because of the man’s prejudice,
upside-down thinking or unskilled behavior. Bill did not take the
event personally. I was very proud of Bill and the attitude he
displayed. Oskar needed help to look at a long-held belief system
that did not serve him. It was not helpful.
A break soon followed in which I found Oskar, a
former counselee of mine, pacing like a caged animal outside the
workshop room. I asked if he wanted to talk about what had just
happened inside. He immediately began to defend his position, and I
tried to steer the conversation in a more “helpful” direction. I
asked him to tell me about his experiences with gay men, and he
replied that he had never known a gay man before. His comment made
me stifle my laughter at its absurdity. “How is that possible?” I
asked.
Oskar replied, “There are no gay men in my country.
Homosexuals are dirty, and I have always been taught that if I ever
met one, I should have nothing to do with him.” I responded that,
whether he knew it or not, he had met dozens if not hundreds of
homosexual men in his life. They are not inherently dirty. And,
yes, they do live in his country, most certainly closeted, but
there nonetheless. Bill’s hand had not touched anything his own
hand hadn’t touched. AIDS does not leap off the body of a
homosexual, and Bill doesn’t have AIDS. I asked where his terribly
misguided belief had arisen. He again defended his belief system,
saying it was what he had always been taught.
I recalled the song from the musical South
Pacific that includes the line “We have to be taught to hate,
carefully, carefully taught.” Throughout his life Oskar had been
carefully, carefully taught to hate gays. Knowing his response in
advance, I asked him if he had ever examined his belief system and
explored if his rigid attitudes were beneficial to his life. “No,”
he said. “Why should I? They are true. They are what I have been
taught.”
However, after a lengthy conversation, Oskar became
willing to look at his programmed beliefs and to begin questioning
their validity. I asked him to keep exploring the question “Is this
helpful?” In a private appointment several days later Oskar began
to admit that, no, this attitude was not helpful, kind, loving or
who he wanted to be.
Mindfulness is awakened attention. When we are
mindful we notice everything. A very humorous personal story
occurred at the Pilates studio I frequent three or four times a
week. This is not a sangha where one goes to meditate and discuss
philosophy with no regard for the body. It is a small space with
its whole emphasis and reason for being focused on the
physical.
Before joining this studio I had gained a great
deal of weight during a time of burning grief. From my normal size
eight I had ballooned to a full twelve. So I began attending
several times a week working with several personal trainers. All my
sessions were private.
After a year of gaining strength and muscle tone, I
was ready to shed the excess baggage. And almost no one noticed
when I did! Ten pounds. Okay. Not much difference, except to me.
Twenty pounds. Nary a comment.Thirty, forty, fifty pounds. No
comments. One coach did notice, and she and I made a game of
wondering when one of the other trainers would notice. It took
eight months! This was eight months of seeing me at least three
times a week. If I had gone from 400 pounds to 350 pounds, I could
understand. But I looked much, much smaller.
Right Mindfulness is noticing what is going on
right in front of our eyes and ears. We notice the presence, energy
and essence of a loved one. How is she doing? How does she
look—content, happy, sullen, blue? How does his voice sound? How is
his speech—excited, flat, engaging, distant? When we are mindful,
we not only notice, we care. A mindful person is an aware, caring,
kind, loving person. They give conscious attention to others.
I admire best-selling author Wayne Dyer and his
mindfulness. My church has brought him to Cleveland a number of
times. After each of his speaking engagements, he will stand for
hours warmly greeting every one of his supporters. I have long
noticed how he gives each person his total, undivided attention.
Very impressive! Most mindful!
We can all live mindfully as we make the effort to
become more aware and awake to ourselves and others. Then it truly
can be said that we are living a noble life. The first meditative
practice I was taught was Mindfulness Meditation. When I look back
at those thirty years, it is so amazing that I was given the
teaching, since I didn’t know at the time its significance and
life-altering effect on my future and continued relevance to this
day.
MINDFULNESS MEDITATION EXERCISE
My initiation into meditation came with being
taught how to relax the body, sit in a stable position and bring
the fullness of attention upon the breath. One monitors the breath,
being fully aware of the rising and falling of the chest with each
breath.
Begin breathing in mindfully.
Breathing out mindfully. Silently say, I am
aware of my breath.
Say silently with each inhalation and exhalation:
Breathing in. Breathing out.
Do this very slowly and most mindfully, bringing
your total awareness into what you are doing, observing each breath
as it rises and falls. Silently say, Rising, falling, as you
go deeper and deeper into the meditation with each passing
minute.
The Vietnamese Zen master teacher Thich Nhat Hanh
uses the endearing term “mouth yoga” to help describe this
mindfulness practice that brings one into the present moment.
In, out.
Deep, slow.
Calm, ease.
Smile, release.
Present moment, wonderful moment.
It is most precious to consider this technique as
yoga for our mouths and lungs.
Mindfulness meditation is just that—becoming fully
mindful during one’s meditation. This technique is so simple and
yet so powerful. Faithful, daily practice of it can change your
life. I’ve done it for three decades and still simply love it and
its effects on my mind, body and soul.
Practicing Mindfulness Meditation brings our whole
life and the other seven aspects of the wheel into balance. It
supports Right View. It clarifies our thinking into Right Thinking.
Right Action follows a time of sitting meditation. It leads us into
our correct career, Right Livelihood. It makes all of our efforts
rewarding through Right Effort. Right Mindfulness goes hand in hand
with Right Concentration and deepens all of our spiritual
practices.
Don’t wait to begin to practice until you have the
feeling it is time to do so. It may be too late. Sadly I have often
witnessed this happen. Many people only turn to a spiritual
practice and prayer when they are facing desperate circumstances.
When the fifteen-year-old daughter is pregnant; when the husband is
having affairs; when you are sick, tired, stressed, feeling empty
inside; when you feel life has lost not only its luster but any
meaning, and you feel overwhelmed. It may be too late.
I believe the greater truth is that it is
never too late for any of us. But the longer we remain
disconnected in consciousness from our spiritual core, the more
overwhelming the circumstances of our lives seem to us. They push
upon us from all directions, and we can feel helpless, hopeless,
void of any resources.
But the good—no, great—news is that at any moment
we can begin to live mindfully. We can wake up and take a
life-affirming step in a positive direction. We can begin to
utilize these extraordinary tools. These eight principles are
unparalleled in the annals of spiritual philosophy and
teaching.
If we are mindful, we will never wait. And when a
challenge arises, we are already prepared. We are not adrift upon a
sea of discontent and discord. We are anchored to our spiritual
core.
There is an antidrug campaign slogan, “Parents, the
antidrug.” I add to that, “Mindfulness, the antidrug.” If parents
were truly mindful of their children’s spiritual well-being,
activities, friends, school and teachers, transportation and just
where they were, how could there be a drug problem?
To varying degrees I have been part of hundreds of
families’ lives. With the possible exception of an emotionally
disturbed child or a child carrying an enormous load of negative
karma, spiritually centered, emotionally healthy, loving and
compassionate parents raise spiritually whole and healthy children.
What children need is love and attention—not more techno toys,
computers and TV time. To have healthy children, they must be the
priority. The family must be the priority.
Sara, a top stockbroker in Cleveland, is a neighbor
of ours. She and her husband have five children, and they have
miraculously managed to raise amazing kids. They are the type of
children who love one another and seem to do everything they do in
an exceptional fashion. I am in awe of this family.
The children attend parochial schools and have all
the usual extracurricular activities: music lessons, basketball,
aerobics, baseball, chess, etc., etc. But the number one priority
for this family remains the family.
When Sara is asked by top clients to have an
evening meeting, a dinner meeting, a Saturday meeting, she always
graciously declines by saying, “I’m so sorry, but that’s my family
time.”
Sara often gets an astonished inquiry from a
client. “Well, how often does your family have dinner together,
given your busy lifestyle with so many varying schedules?”
Her somewhat incredulous response, a favorite of
mine, “Oh, we have dinner together every night.”
Parents are the antidrug, the anchors of light and
love for their children.
Living mindfully is always beneficial to the entire
household. When we are mindful we notice if our cat or dog is
suffering, if our car needs attention, if the roof needs repair.
Mindfulness is a very deep practice, but it is also a very
practical practice.
Mindfulness allows us to look deeply into our
conscious and subconscious minds. The Buddhist term for
“subconscious mind” is “store consciousness.” We must look deeply
into store consciousness, where all the seeds of our beliefs are
stored.
It took much coaching to get Oskar to be willing to
look into his “store consciousness.” The store consciousness of
Sara, her husband and children is that of love, deep familial
connections, genuine caring for one another. For the children these
beautiful seeds in their store consciousness must serve them in
ways yet to be realized as they and their seeds mature and
blossom.
As you become a more mindful being, always remember
the beautiful seeds you are planting in your store consciousness.
If there remains within old decaying seeds that would never serve
your growing awareness, be willing to incorporate all the
techniques and exercises to cleanse yourself, so your mind can be
purified in order for you to begin to live a future far more
rewarding than the past. The Buddha’s glorious teachings only point
the way. All the effort must be done by you.
TONGLEN MEDITATION
Tonglen, a remarkable meditation practice,
literally means giving and receiving. Tonglen opens our hearts in a
way unlike any other practice. It opens us to others in a way that
allows us to be truly present to them and their suffering. We no
longer fear another’s pain, but rather we reach out to them in
their time of deepest need.
Tonglen is multifaceted, for as it teaches us to be
compassionate and assist in alleviating another’s suffering, it is
also unparalleled in working on our egos—at the root of all of our
own suffering. The practice of Tonglen can transform us into
masters of compassion. For those so dedicated, this takes many
years and much practice.
For me the practice of Tonglen is a very deep
mindfulness practice, for it engages our whole awareness and entire
being. We practice Tonglen truly caring for others as we would
desire to be cared for.
The practice of Tonglen should only be undertaken
by those with some degree of spiritual maturity and some mastery of
meditation. The reason for this is that it is such a selfless
practice that for the uninitiated the ego could definitely rise
during this highly focused meditation and cause all manner of soul
mischievousness as we fully open ourselves to the suffering of
others.
The practice of Tonglen is so powerful that from
the eleventh century, when the Buddhist teacher Geshe Chekhawa
began teaching it to a few lepers, they practiced it faithfully and
were cured of their leprosy. Word spread of this remarkable
practice that could cure an incurable disease nine hundred years
before the medical discovery of sulfone drugs.
An interesting and amazing tale is told of the
practice of Geshe Chekhawa that occurred near the end of his life.
Apparently in his deep compassion, with his burning desire always
to be of help in alleviating others’ suffering, he unceasingly
prayed to be reborn in what the Buddhists call the “hell realms.”
We can all probably conjure up an image of a hell realm and
probably have all hung out there a number of times.
Geshe Chekhawa prayed such a prayer, not because he
was a masochist, but because he was close to becoming a saint and
wanted to be of assistance to all those living and suffering in the
hell realms. He was disappointed when his dreams revealed to him
that he was to be reborn into one of the realms of the Buddhas.
This deeply saddened him, and he asked his student to pray that
this would not occur! His incessant desire was to be of help to
those who are suffering in hell realms.
When I first learned of this tale, I could hardly
believe it. I was alternately crying and laughing, thinking surely
in lifetimes past this must have also been my prayer, for it would
so tidily explain the mystery of my own personal times of
tremendous suffering. Perhaps in ages past I, too, had prayed to be
of soul benefit for those who would suffer in the future. If that
be the case, I now choose to change my prayer, plant new seeds and
pray that we can all be transformed to be reborn in one of those
beautiful Buddha realms.
The Tonglen Technique
You first evoke the greatest amount of love and
compassion you possibly can within you. Recall the times in your
life when you have felt the greatest love being given to you.
Thankfully through grace we have all been loved deeply, if not
long, at least once. We need to reclaim that memory from a parent,
grandparent, lover, aunt, cousin, sibling, teacher, minister or
neighbor. I am very fortunate to feel and know I have been loved by
both my parents. It is the love of my father that continues to feed
my soul and spirit, even though he is now physically gone. Find
that great love of your soul and allow that feeling to fill every
aspect of your being.
Breathe love in and out deeply. Allow your chest to
rise and fall with your heartbeat of love. Allow that feeling of
great love to wrap itself around and through your heart like a warm
blanket. Sense a deep gratitude in knowing you have been so loved
and are now capable yourself of loving.
Begin to visualize opening your heart, as your
enormous love is directed outward to enfold other beings. You can
do this for one person, or a family, or your sangha, or for all
beings who are suffering with a particular illness or state of
being. Now you bring them into this love within your heart. Tonglen
is different from many meditative practices in that you are not
sending your subjects this great love. Rather, you are bringing
them into this great love.
My dear friend Suzanne practiced Tonglen as she
went through radiation and chemotherapy for breast cancer. She
engaged in it several times daily, bringing joy into her meditation
to all women currently facing the same diagnosis and similar
follow-up treatment after surgery. We know it helped other women,
and it is definitely beneficial to Suzanne.
The Tonglen practice can be extended to all, even
those who are most difficult and challenging for us. Begin to see
that difficult person as one who is suffering just as you have
suffered, and in doing so you feel compassion for him awakening in
you. You shall then begin to see how similar you are. I do think it
is helpful to do what one early teacher of mine taught. Begin with
those you already love and who love you before you move on to
other, more difficult ones.
As one advances in the practice of Tonglen, it
takes on a powerful characteristic of no longer seeing the person
as other, but now as same. In our minds we exchange our sense of
self with whatever the other person is suffering. Her pain becomes
your pain. And you can do something about it. You can actually
learn to dissolve the pain or affliction within your own heart
space. One way to do that is to see it as a ring of heavy, dark
clouds encircling your mind, swirling around you. Know that beyond
the denseness of the clouds, which represent suffering, lies love,
compassion, freedom, transformation and light. Then visualize the
great love within you as so enormously powerful that you can easily
with the simple sweep of your hand brush those heavy clouds aside.
As you do so, the light that lies beyond them begins to dissipate
the clouds into vapor and then into nothingness. You now realize,
through the Tonglen practice, that you can move completely through
the illusion of suffering. It can produce outstanding results
benefiting both the one suffering and you.
Exchanging yourself for others is extremely
powerful and is not to be undertaken by spiritual lightweights. The
energy is simply too powerful and too demanding.
Another way of evoking compassion to practice
Tonglen is to call upon an illumined being, be it Jesus, the
Buddha, the Divine Mother, Tara or a bodhisattva. Then feel the
boundless love that being has for you. Sink deeply into that love
and absolutely know that it is real. Now channel that great
reservoir of love to the focus of your Tonglen practice. Hold him
in the love and for as long as you can maintain the intensity of
that profound love.
An essential component of all phases of Tonglen, as
taught to me by Lama Chonam, is to take the other’s suffering into
your heart space. In most Western healing practices the heart
energy is sent out to the recipient. In this Buddhist practice the
recipient is brought into your own heart. Herein lies the contrast
between the Western and Eastern mind.
This one aspect is what makes Tonglen so powerful
and not for the immature on the spiritual path. One has to be quite
clear to be engaged in such a high level of spiritual work and
actually take pain and suffering, which we normally try to avoid,
into our very hearts.
Practicing Tonglen and core mindfulness meditations
is never enough. We must rise up from the meditations and live our
lives mindfully with our family in our homes, with our friends, in
our work environment with our coworkers, on our highways, in
society, with our consumption of resources, with our own thoughts
and minds. Then our entire lives can be transformed and we become
mindful beings. We become the noble ones, the ones lost in the
wonder of compassion and delight. Like His Holiness the Dalai Lama,
we start to giggle at the overwhelming delight of living an
awakened life.
Mindfulness opens our eyes and ears to the beauty
and wonder of life. Here we can love and be compassionate in the
present moment . . . and it is a wonderful moment.
The following is a Tonglen practice that I was
given after 9/11. I do not know where it came from or who assembled
it. With that in mind, I respectfully share it with you:
Breathe light in and out of our hearts. Just
breathe ever so deeply, as deeply as you can, and
release.
We breathe in and focus the totality of our
attention to our heart center.
We breathe out, seeing your heart now as a vast
orb of intense love moving to your heart chakra, that has remained
undisturbed,
And expanding consciously, mindfully,
dynamically your heart energy with every breath.
Pushing the energy out a bit further and
allowing it to contract only to expand with the next
breath
Holding only love.
Being ever so still, perfectly still.
In the depths of your heart, love is
awakening.
Levels of love, levels of being that perhaps
have been resting for a very long time.
They have not been called into action, into
response until now. Breathe into our hearts, love.
Until you can imagine your heart center not just
being in the center and slightly to the left,
That your heart center begins to fill your whole
chest area, extends out before you, in front of you.
Extends behind you, rising up to your throat,
down to your navel. This whole area becomes a warm pulsating center
of love and light.
And now we are called to bring into our hearts,
images of the recent tragic events of Tuesday, September
11th.
Bring into our hearts these images and to allow
this love to just infuse them,
Transform them from pain into peace, from a
desperate lost energy into one faith.
Let us first bring into our hearts those whose
lives were so swiftly ended on Tuesday.
Those on the planes, those in the World Trade
Center. We bring those individuals into our hearts.
Perhaps some have lifted into the infinite and
perhaps some are in the state of confusion.
We bring them, those especially, into our heart
center. We breathe in the light, breathe peace.
And very mindfully we breathe out the trauma. We
are willing to do this work for them.
This is how great our love is.
Breathe in that shock, that horror.
Breathe it out, breathe love into their souls
that they be lifted in peace now, into the infinite. That we and
they know together that life is eternal.
So we let them go and bring into our hearts
their family members. We’ve seen them, heard their
stories.
We’ve seen their anguish and incredible
grief.
We are courageous enough, as spiritual beings,
to bring their pain into our hearts.
And to allow this enormous love that we have to
begin to burn away that pain, to dissolve that pain, to
transform that pain, transform that suffering and sense of loss,
bewilderment.
If your heart gets very heavy, very intense,
just really emphasize the exhalation.
Breathe that energy out.
Just pour out immeasurable love into the lives
of these beings. If we think that this is an impossible task, we
need to remember the words of A Course in Miracles: “How
long is an instant?”
We continue on.
We release these loved ones, and welcome into
our heart centers now the firefighters, policemen, the heroes that
don’t want to be called heroes.
We bring them into our heart and we send them
boundless love, immeasurable gratitude.
We let the shock that they have been through,
the devastation that they have witnessed, be dissolved into our
heart centers now.
Energy is moving in this room, grace is being
sent forth.
Bring into our hearts, those that were in or
near the building that escaped,
How they must be wrestling with gratitude and
regret and confusion.
We bring all those emotions that they must be
experiencing into the powerful space of our committed
hearts.
We bring that energy in, that they may be
consoled, that we may be the ones to console them, that they may
know peace, that they may know that there is an order at work that
one day they may understand.
Bring all of their conflicted emotions,
courageously, bravely, into our own hearts and let that energy be
burned off by the all-consuming energy of our heart
centers.
Breathe in ever so deeply.
Bring into our hearts those that lost part of
their world, which would really be every one of us.
Our hearts are large enough to contain this. We
are one, one in the heart of God.
We let the all-consuming love of our hearts
transform this energy as well.
Now our hearts are so enormous, our love is so
limitless, that we now bring in those that have been the
perpetrators, those that have hated us, those that have judged us
so harshly. Very gently, easily we bring this energy into our
hearts.
We allow it to be dissolved, to become nothing,
for it is not the reality of their beings.
Let that energy be dissolved in our hearts
now.
We are like the spiritual surrogates, so
committed to the path of healing, of transformation, that in this
very room, this very moment, miracles are being created.
We breathe this energy in and breathe it out,
being ever so sure to breathe all that energy out.
And then we are simply together in the silence
for a moment. We know there is nothing our Holiness cannot
do.
Say it to yourself, “There is nothing my
Holiness cannot do.”
We are a blessing unto the world.