Chapter 18

Elizabeth’s spirits soon rising to playfulness
again, she wanted Mr. Darcy to account for his having ever fallen
in love with her. “How could you begin?” said she. “I can
comprehend your going on charmingly, when you had once made a
beginning; but what could set you off in the first place?”
“I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the
look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago.
I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.”
“My beauty you had early withstood, and as for my
manners—my behaviour to you was at least always bordering on
the uncivil, and I never spoke to you without rather wishing to
give you pain than not. Now be sincere; did you admire me for my
impertinence?”
“For the liveliness of your mind I did.”
“You may as well call it impertinence at once. It
was very little less. The fact is, that you were sick of civility,
of deference, of officious attention. You were disgusted with the
women who were always speaking, and looking, and thinking for
your approbation alone. I roused and interested you, because
I was so unlike them. Had you not been really amiable you
would have hated me for it: but in spite of the pains you took to
disguise yourself, your feelings were always noble and just; and in
your heart you thoroughly despised the persons who so assiduously
courted you. There—I have saved you the trouble of accounting for
it; and really, all things considered, I begin to think it
perfectly reasonable. To be sure you know no actual good of me—but
nobody thinks of that when they fall in love.”
“Was there no good in your affectionate behaviour
to Jane, while she was ill at Netherfield?”
“Dearest Jane! who could have done less for her?
But make a virtue of it by all means. My good qualities are under
your protection, and you are to exaggerate them as much as
possible; and, in return, it belongs to me to find occasions for
teasing and quarrelling with you as often as may be; and I shall
begin directly, by asking you what made you so unwilling to come to
the point at last. What made you so shy of me, when you first
called, and afterwards dined here? Why, especially, when you called
did you look as if you did not care about me?”
“Because you were grave and silent, and gave me no
encouragement.”
“But I was embarrassed.”
“And so was I.”
“You might have talked to me more when you came to
dinner.”
“A man who had felt less might.”
“How unlucky that you should have a reasonable
answer to give, and that I should be so reasonable as to admit it!
But I wonder how long you would have gone on, if you had
been left to yourself. I wonder when you would have spoken,
if I had not asked you! My resolution of thanking you for your
kindness to Lydia had certainly great effect. Too much I am
afraid; for what becomes of the moral, if our comfort springs from
a breach of promise, for I ought not to have mentioned the subject?
This will never do.”
“You need not distress yourself. The moral will be
perfectly fair. Lady Catherine’s unjustifiable endeavours to
separate us were the means of removing all my doubts. I am not
indebted for my present happiness to your eager desire of
expressing your gratitude. I was not in a humour to wait for an
opening of yours. My aunt’s intelligence had given me hope, and I
was determined at once to know every thing.”
“Lady Catherine has been of infinite use, which
ought to make her happy, for she loves to be of use. But tell me,
what did you come down to Netherfield for? Was it merely to ride to
Longbourn and be embarrassed? or had you intended any more serious
consequences?”
“My real purpose was to see you, and to
judge, if I could, whether I might ever hope to make you love me.
My avowed one, or what I avowed to myself, was to see whether your
sister was still partial to Bingley, and if she were, to make the
confession to him which I have since made.”
“Shall you ever have courage to announce to Lady
Catherine what is to befall her?”
“I am more likely to want time than courage,
Elizabeth. But it ought to be done; and if you will give me a sheet
of paper it shall be done directly.”
“And if I had not a letter to write myself, I might
sit by you, and admire the evenness of your writing, as another
young lady once did. But I have an aunt, too, who must not be
longer neglected.”
From an unwillingness to confess how much her
intimacy with Mr. Darcy had been over-rated, Elizabeth had never
yet answered Mrs. Gardiner’s long letter; but now, having
that to communicate which she knew would be most welcome,
she was almost ashamed to find that her uncle and aunt had already
lost three days of happiness, and immediately wrote as
follows:—
“I would have thanked you before, my dear aunt, as
I ought to have done, for your long, kind, satisfactory detail of
particulars; but, to say the truth, I was too cross to write. You
supposed more than really existed. But now suppose as much
as you choose; give a loose to your fancy, indulge your imagination
in every possible flight which the subject will afford, and unless
you believe me actually married, you cannot greatly err. You must
write again very soon, and praise him a great deal more than you
did in your last. I thank you again and again, for not going to the
Lakes. How could I be so silly as to wish it? Your idea of the
ponies is delightful. We will go round the park every day. I am the
happiest creature in the world. Perhaps other people have said so
before, but no one with such justice. I am happier even than Jane;
she only smiles, I laugh. Mr. Darcy sends you all the love in the
world that can be spared from me. You are all to come to Pemberley
at Christmas. Yours,” &c.
Mr. Darcy’s letter to Lady Catherine was in a
different style; and still different from either was what Mr.
Bennet sent to Mr. Collins, in return for his last.
“DEAR SIR,
I must trouble you once more for congratulations.
Elizabeth will soon be the wife of Mr. Darcy. Console Lady
Catherine as well as you can. But, if I were you, I would stand by
the nephew. He has more to give.
YOURS SINCERELY,” &C.
Miss Bingley’s congratulations to her brother on
his approaching marriage were all that was affectionate and
insincere. She wrote even to Jane on the occasion, to express her
delight, and repeat all her former professions of regard. Jane was
not deceived, but she was affected; and though feeling no reliance
on her, could not help writing her a much kinder answer than she
knew was deserved.
The joy which Miss Darcy expressed on receiving
similar information was as sincere as her brother’s in sending it.
Four sides of paper were insufficient to contain all her delight,
and all her earnest desire of being loved by her sister.
Before any answer could arrive from Mr. Collins, or
any congratulations to Elizabeth from his wife, the Longbourn
family heard that the Collinses were come themselves to Lucas
Lodge. The reason of this sudden removal was soon evident. Lady
Catherine had been rendered so exceedingly angry by the contents of
her nephew’s letter, that Charlotte, really rejoicing in the match,
was anxious to get away till the storm was blown over. At such a
moment, the arrival of her friend was a sincere pleasure to
Elizabeth, though in the course of their meetings she must
sometimes think the pleasure dearly bought, when she saw Mr. Darcy
exposed to all the parading and obsequious civility of her husband.
He bore it, however, with admirable calmness. He could even listen
to Sir William Lucas, when he complimented him on carrying away the
brightest jewel of the country, and expressed his hopes of their
all meeting frequently at St. James’s, with very decent composure.
If he did shrug his shoulders, it was not till Sir William was out
of sight.
Mrs. Philips’s vulgarity was another, and, perhaps,
a greater tax on his forbearance; and though Mrs. Philips, as well
as her sister, stood in too much awe of him to speak with the
familiarity which Bingley’s good humour encouraged, yet, whenever
she did speak, she must be vulgar. Nor was her respect for
him, though it made her more quiet, at all likely to make her more
elegant. Elizabeth did all she could to shield him from the
frequent notice of either, and was ever anxious to keep him to
herself, and to those of her family with whom he might converse
without mortification; and though the uncomfortable feelings
arising from all this took from the season of courtship much of its
pleasure, it added to the hope of the future; and she looked
forward with delight to the time when they should be removed from
society so little pleasing to either, to all the comfort and
elegance of their family party at Pemberley.