Chapter 12

Elizabeth awoke the next morning to the same
thoughts and meditations which had at length closed her eyes. She
could not yet recover from the surprise of what had happened: it
was impossible to think of any thing else; and, totally indisposed
for employment, she resolved soon after breakfast to indulge
herself in air and exercise. She was proceeding directly to her
favourite walk, when the recollection of Mr. Darcy’s sometimes
coming there stopped her; and instead of entering the park, she
turned up the lane, which led her farther from the turnpike road.
The park paling was still the boundary on one side, and she soon
passed one of the gates into the ground.
After walking two or three times along that part of
the lane, she was tempted, by the pleasantness of the morning, to
stop at the gates and look into the park. The five weeks which she
had now passed in Kent had made a great difference in the country,
and every day was adding to the verdure of the early trees. She was
on the point of continuing her walk, when she caught a glimpse of a
gentleman within the sort of grove which edged the park: he was
moving that way; and fearful of its being Mr. Darcy, she was
directly retreating. But the person who advanced was now near
enough to see her, and stepping forward with eagerness, pronounced
her name. She had turned away; but on hearing herself called,
though in a voice which proved it to be Mr. Darcy, she moved again
towards the gate. He had by that time reached it also; and, holding
out a letter, which she instinctively took, said, with a look of
haughty composure, “I have been walking in the grove some time, in
the hope of meeting you. Will you do me the honour of reading that
letter?” And then, with a slight bow, turned again into the
plantation,at and
was soon out of sight.
With no expectation of pleasure, but with the
strongest curiosity, Elizabeth opened the letter, and to her still
increasing wonder, perceived an envelope containing two sheets of
letter paper, written quite through, in a very close hand. The
envelope itself was likewise full. Pursuing her way along the lane,
she then began it. It was dated from Rosings, at eight o’clock in
the morning, and was as follows:—
“Be not alarmed, madam, on receiving this letter,
by the apprehension of its containing any repetition of those
sentiments, or renewal of those offers, which were last night so
disgusting to you. I write without any intention of paining you, or
humbling myself, by dwelling on wishes, which, for the happiness of
both, cannot be too soon forgotten; and the effort which the
formation and the perusal of this letter must occasion, should have
been spared, had not my character required it to be written and
read. You must, therefore, pardon the freedom with which I demand
your attention; your feelings, I know, will bestow it unwillingly,
but I demand it of your justice.
“Two offences of a very different nature, and by no
means of equal magnitude, you last night laid to my charge. The
first mentioned was, that, regardless of the sentiments of either,
I had detached Mr. Bingley from your sister,—and the other, that I
had, in defiance of various claims, in defiance of honour and
humanity, ruined the immediate prosperity, and blasted the
prospects of Mr. Wickham. Wilfully and wantonly to have thrown off
the companion of my youth, the acknowledged favourite of my father,
a young man who had scarcely any other dependence than on our
patronage, and who had been brought up to expect its exertion,
would be a depravity, to which the separation of two young persons,
whose affection could be the growth of only a few weeks, could bear
no comparison. But from the severity of that blame which was last
night so liberally bestowed, respecting each circumstance, I shall
hope to be in future secured, when the following account of my
actions and their motives has been read. If, in the explanation of
them which is due to myself, I am under the necessity of relating
feelings which may be offensive to yours, I can only say that I am
sorry. The necessity must be obeyed, and further apology would be
absurd. I had not been long in Hertfordshire, before I saw, in
common with others, that Bingley preferred your elder sister to any
other young woman in the country. But it was not till the evening
of the dance at Netherfield that I had any apprehension of his
feeling a serious attachment. I had often seen him in love before.
At that ball, while I had the honour of dancing with you, I was
first made acquainted, by Sir William Lucas’s accidental
information, that Bingley’s attentions to your sister had given
rise to a general expectation of their marriage. He spoke of it as
a certain event, of which the time alone could be undecided. From
that moment I observed my friend’s behaviour attentively; and I
could then perceive that his partiality for Miss Bennet was beyond
what I had ever witnessed in him. Your sister I also watched. Her
look and manners were open, cheerful, and engaging as ever, but
without any symptom of peculiar regard; and I remained convinced,
from the evening’s scrutiny, that though she received his
attentions with pleasure, she did not invite them by any
participation of sentiment. If you have not been mistaken
here, I must have been in an error. Your superior knowledge
of your sister must make the latter probable. If it be so, if I
have been misled by such error to inflict pain on her, your
resentment has not been unreasonable. But I shall not scruple to
assert, that the serenity of your sister’s countenance and air was
such as might have given the most acute observer a conviction that,
however amiable her temper, her heart was not likely to be easily
touched. That I was desirous of believing her indifferent is
certain; but I will venture to say that my investigations and
decisions are not usually influenced by my hopes or fears. I did
not believe her to be indifferent because I wished it; I believed
it on impartial conviction, as truly as I wished it in reason. My
objections to the marriage were not merely those which I last night
acknowledged to have required the utmost force of passion to put
aside in my own case; the want of connection could not be so great
an evil to my friend as to me. But there were other causes of
repugnance; causes which, though still existing, and existing to an
equal degree in both instances, I had myself endeavoured to forget,
because they were not immediately before me. These causes must be
stated, though briefly. The situation of your mother’s family,
though objectionable, was nothing in comparison of that total want
of propriety so frequently, so almost uniformly betrayed by
herself, by your three younger sisters, and occasionally even by
your father:—pardon me,—it pains me to offend you. But amidst your
concern for the defects of your nearest relations, and your
displeasure at this representation of them, let it give you
consolation to consider that to have conducted yourselves so as to
avoid any share of the like censure is praise no less generally
bestowed on you and your eldest sister than it is honourable to the
sense and disposition of both. I will only say, farther, that from
what passed that evening my opinion of all parties was confirmed,
and every inducement heightened, which could have led me before to
preserve my friend from what I esteemed a most unhappy connection.
He left Netherfield for London on the day following, as you, I am
certain, remember, with the design of soon returning. The part
which I acted is now to be explained. His sisters’ uneasiness had
been equally excited with my own: our coincidence of feeling was
soon discovered; and, alike sensible that no time was to be lost in
detaching their brother, we shortly resolved on joining him
directly in London. We accordingly went—and there I readily engaged
in the office of pointing out to my friend the certain evils of
such a choice. I described and enforced them earnestly. But however
this remonstrance might have staggered or delayed his
determination, I do not suppose that it would ultimately have
prevented the marriage, had it not been seconded by the assurance,
which I hesitated not in giving, of your sister’s indifference. He
had before believed her to return his affection with sincere, if
not with equal, regard. But Bingley has great natural modesty, with
a stronger dependence on my judgment than on his own. To convince
him, therefore, that he had deceived himself was no very difficult
point. To persuade him against returning into Hertfordshire, when
that conviction had been given, was scarcely the work of a moment.
I cannot blame myself for having done thus much. There is but one
part of my conduct, in the whole affair, on which I do not reflect
with satisfaction; it is that I condescended to adopt the measures
of art so far as to conceal from him your sister’s being in town. I
knew it myself, as it was known to Miss Bingley; but her brother is
even yet ignorant of it. That they might have met without ill
consequence is, perhaps, probable; but his regard did not appear to
me enough extinguished for him to see her without some danger.
Perhaps this concealment, this disguise, was beneath me. It is
done, however, and it was done for the best. On this subject I have
nothing more to say, no other apology to offer. If I have wounded
your sister’s feelings, it was unknowingly done; and though the
motives which governed me may to you very naturally appear
insufficient, I have not yet learnt to condemn them.—With respect
to that other, more weighty accusation, of having injured Mr.
Wickham, I can only refute it by laying before you the whole of his
connection with my family. Of what he has particularly
accused me I am ignorant; but of the truth of what I shall relate I
can summon more than one witness of undoubted veracity. Mr. Wickham
is the son of a very respectable man, who had for many years the
management of all the Pemberley estates, and whose good conduct in
the discharge of his trust naturally inclined my father to be of
service to him; and on George Wickham, who was his godson, his
kindness was therefore liberally bestowed. My father supported him
at school, and afterwards at Cambridge; most important assistance,
as his own father, always poor from the extravagance of his wife,
would have been unable to give him a gentleman’s education. My
father was not only fond of this young man’s society, whose manners
were always engaging, he had also the highest opinion of him, and
hoping the church would be his profession, intended to provide for
him in it. As for myself, it is many, many years since I first
began to think of him in a very different manner. The vicious
propensities, the want of principle, which he was careful to guard
from the knowledge of his best friend, could not escape the
observation of a young man of nearly the same age with himself, and
who had opportunities of seeing him in unguarded moments, which Mr.
Darcy could not have. Here again I shall give you pain—to what
degree you only can tell. But whatever may be the sentiments which
Mr. Wickham has created, a suspicion of their nature shall not
prevent me from unfolding his real character. It adds even another
motive. My excellent father died about five years ago; and his
attachment to Mr. Wickham was to the last so steady, that in his
will he particularly recommended it to me to promote his
advancement in the best manner that his profession might allow, and
if he took orders, desired that a valuable family living might be
his as soon as it became vacant. There was also a legacy of one
thousand pounds. His own father did not long survive mine; and
within half a year from these events Mr. Wickham wrote to inform me
that, having finally resolved against taking orders, he hoped I
should not think it unreasonable for him to expect some more
immediate pecuniary advantage, in lieu of the preferment, by which
he could not be benefited. He had some intention, he added, of
studying the law, and I must be aware that the interest of one
thousand pounds would be a very insufficient support therein. I
rather wished than believed him to be sincere; but, at any rate,
was perfectly ready to accede to his proposal. I knew that Mr.
Wickham ought not to be a clergyman. The business was therefore
soon settled. He resigned all claim to assistance in the church,
were it possible that he could ever be in a situation to receive
it, and accepted in return three thousand pounds. All connection
between us seemed now dissolved. I thought too ill of him to invite
him to Pemberley, or admit his society in town. In town, I believe,
he chiefly lived, but his studying the law was a mere pretence; and
being now free from all restraint, his life was a life of idleness
and dissipation. For about three years I heard little of him; but
on the decease of the incumbent of the living which had been
designed for him, he applied to me again by letter for the
presentation. His circumstances, he assured me, and I had no
difficulty in believing it, were exceedingly bad. He had found the
law a most unprofitable study, and was now absolutely resolved on
being ordained, if I would present him to the living in question—of
which he trusted there could be little doubt, as he was well
assured that I had no other person to provide for, and I could not
have forgotten my revered father’s intentions. You will hardly
blame me for refusing to comply with this entreaty, or for
resisting every repetition of it. His resentment was in proportion
to the distress of his circumstances—and he was doubtless as
violent in his abuse of me to others as in his reproaches to
myself. After this period, every appearance of acquaintance was
dropped. How he lived, I know not. But last summer he was again
most painfully obtruded on my notice. I must now mention a
circumstance which I would wish to forget myself, and which no
obligation less than the present should induce me to unfold to any
human being. Having said thus much, I feel no doubt of your
secrecy. My sister, who is more than ten years my junior, was left
to the guardianship of my mother’s nephew, Colonel Fitzwilliam, and
myself. About a year ago, she was taken from school, and an
establishment formed for her in London; and last summer she went
with the lady who presided over it to Ramsgate;au
and thither also went Mr. Wickham, undoubtedly by design; for there
proved to have been a prior acquaintance between him and Mrs.
Younge, in whose character we were most unhappily deceived; and by
her connivance and aid he so far recommended himself to Georgiana,
whose affectionate heart retained a strong impression of his
kindness to her as a child, that she was persuaded to believe
herself in love, and to consent to an elopement. She was then but
fifteen, which must be her excuse; and after stating her
imprudence, I am happy to add, that I owed the knowledge of it to
herself. I joined them unexpectedly a day or two before the
intended elopement; and then Georgiana, unable to support the idea
of grieving and offending a brother whom she almost looked up to as
a father, acknowledged the whole to me. You may imagine what I felt
and how I acted. Regard for my sister’s credit and feelings
prevented any public exposure; but I wrote to Mr. Wickham, who left
the place immediately, and Mrs. Younge was of course removed from
her charge. Mr. Wickham’s chief object was unquestionably my
sister’s fortune, which is thirty thousand pounds; but I cannot
help supposing that the hope of revenging himself on me was a
strong inducement. His revenge would have been complete indeed.
This, madam, is a faithful narrative of every event in which we
have been concerned together; and if you do not absolutely reject
it as false, you will, I hope, acquit me henceforth of cruelty
towards Mr. Wickham. I know not in what manner, under what form of
falsehood, he has imposed on you; but his success is not perhaps to
be wondered at, ignorant as you previously were of every thing
concerning either. Detection could not be in your power, and
suspicion certainly not in your inclination. You may possibly
wonder why all this was not told you last night. But I was not then
master enough of myself to know what could or ought to be revealed.
For the truth of every thing here related, I can appeal more
particularly to the testimony of Colonel Fitzwilliam, who, from our
near relationship and constant intimacy, and still more as one of
the executors of my father’s will, has been unavoidably acquainted
with every particular of these transactions. If your abhorrence of
me should make my assertions valueless, you cannot be
prevented by the same cause from confiding in my cousin; and that
there may be the possibility of consulting him, I shall endeavour
to find some opportunity of putting this letter in your hands in
the course of the morning. I will only add, God bless you.
“FITZWILLIAM DARCY.”