5

In Which We Learn About Secret Lives
When Beatrix returned from Rose Cottage with the
letters that Grace Lythecoe gave her, she went upstairs immediately
and put them into the bottom drawer of her dresser, under her
stockings. She hadn’t been eager to bring them home, but she wanted
to read them again and study them. Not right away, though. She was
already regretting that she had agreed to try to find out who had
sent them and why. Her first look at the letters had told her that
this was not going to be an easy task.
Still puzzling over this mystery, she went
downstairs and lit the paraffin lamp, punched up the fire, and
began to deal with supper. Mrs. Jennings had made potato and
sausage soup earlier in the day. There was a pot of it on the back
of the range, and in the cupboard, bread and creamy yellow butter,
a large chunk of yellow cheese, and some gingerbread. She had just
put things on the table and was ladling soup into a blue bowl when
she heard a sharp rap at the door.
“Oh, bother,” she muttered under her breath, for
she was not expecting company and had looked forward to spending
the evening alone. But when she opened the door, she changed her
mind on the spot, for the person who had knocked was Mr. Will
Heelis, holding his brown bowler hat in his hand.
“It’s not too late, is it?” he asked. “I’ve just
got back from Kendal. I intended to be earlier, but the ferry was
overdue. As usual,” he added with a crooked smile, for the ferry
was notorious for its lack of punctuality. Everyone who had to
cross from one side of the lake to the other had long ago learnt to
live with the situation.
Beatrix stepped back and invited him inside. “No,
of course it’s not too late,” she said happily, taking his coat and
hat and hanging them on the peg next to hers. “I wasn’t expecting
you at all, Will. What a nice surprise!”
“I wasn’t expecting you to expect me.” He put both
hands on her shoulders. “Hello, my dear,” he said softly. “Welcome
back. I am so very glad to see you.” And with that, he bent (for he
was very tall and she was rather short), and kissed her.
Well! I expect you want to know what’s going on,
don’t you? Here is a strange gentleman, appearing unannounced at
the door of our Beatrix’s cottage after dark, and kissing
her! What’s more, she is kissing him back, if I’m not mistaken. At
least, it looks very much as if that’s what’s happening.
Oh, dear. If Mrs. Potter saw what we have just
seen, she would be horrified and take to her bed immediately with a
sick headache, likely requiring a visit from the doctor. Mr. Potter
would be apoplectic. He would turn turkey-red and stamp all about
the library, blustering and bellowing. And since he is a barrister
and presumably knows his way around a court of law, he might even
threaten to sue the gentleman in question for taking liberties with
his daughter.
But if you have read the previous book in this
series (that would be The Tale of Applebeck Farm), you know
something that Mr. and Mrs. Potter do not know—not yet, anyway.
This gentleman is no stranger, but Beatrix’s friend of several
years. More importantly, he is her fiancé. They are engaged to be
married.
And if you have not read the earlier book, I hope
you will not be too scandalized to learn that the very proper Miss
Potter is actually leading a secret life up here in the country,
far from London and her parents’ prying and censorious eyes. A
very secret life.
Now, to understand this extraordinary situation,
you must first know something about Mr. Will Heelis, this bold
fellow who has kissed Miss Potter once and is now kissing her for
the second time, between whispers of how glad he is to see her and
how much he has missed her since the last time they were together.
But to tell the truth, Will Heelis is not in the least bold. In
fact, by nature he is very shy. Painfully shy, according to his
friends, especially with the fairer sex, and certainly not a man
for whispering sweet nothings into a lady’s ear, even if they are
engaged to be married. But Will has discovered that he is very much
in love, and love lends boldness to even the shyest of persons, and
so he is probably saying and doing things that he couldn’t possibly
have imagined himself saying and doing if he weren’t in love. I’m
sure you understand this, if you have ever been in love
yourself.
Beatrix’s fiancé is a tall, trim, fit-looking man,
broad-shouldered and slim-hipped, with fine eyes, a strong jaw, and
a shock of thick brown hair that falls boyishly across his
forehead. He is the son of Esther Heelis and the Reverend John
Heelis, who was the rector of Dufton and later of Kirby Thore (a
village on the main road between Appleby and Penrith). Unlike
Beatrix, who had only one brother, Bertram, Will grew up in a
family of nine brothers and sisters, four lively girls and five
boisterous boys. They were close-knit and fun-loving, delighting in
picnics and folk dances and frivolous games (none of which, of
course, were permitted in Beatrix’s much more staid and
status-conscious family). The five brothers went shooting and
fishing together and played cricket and tennis and golf. Will was
especially fond of swimming and bowling and billiards, and
naturally good at every sport to which he turned his hand.
But Will had a sober side, as well. He served his
articles of apprenticeship in London, was admitted a solicitor in
1899, and joined the family law firm, which had an office in Bump
or Bend Cottage in Hawkshead, the small market town just two miles
from New Sawrey. (The cottage is called Bump or Bend because you
must duck as you walk past, for fear of hitting your head on a
protruding part of the building. When you go there, you will see
Will’s office, which looks pretty much as he left it, with his desk
and chair and files and such, and many of Beatrix’s paintings, for
the place is now a gallery.)
The firm of Heelis and Heelis, Solicitors, handled
all kinds of legal affairs, but Will spent most of his time on
property matters, so when Miss Potter began buying property in the
area, it was natural for her to consult him. He knew when a certain
piece of land was coming up for sale, what its boundaries were,
what price it ought to sell for, and what it was worth. He could
offer reliable, trustworthy advice to a lady from London who lacked
experience in such matters but had her own money to spend (the
royalties from her books) and was very willing to spend it on the
right piece of land.
The land—that’s where it began. Beatrix and Will
began looking at properties that came up for sale, walking across
the hills and dales together, discussing the land and the buildings
and the timber and the meadows and the livestock. They discovered
that they both thought that the land should be left as it was, home
to sheep and shepherds and small farms, and they worried that the
growing demand from developers for holiday houses, bungalows, and
villas would destroy not only the picturesque landscape but the
traditional hill-country farms and commons. When Beatrix went back
to London, Will wrote often to her, keeping her informed about
possible purchases and about things that needed to be done or
repaired or looked after, first at Hill Top Farm and then at Castle
Farm, which she bought (on his advice) in 1909.
Their partnership began in that businesslike way
not long after she arrived in the village and over the next few
years, it ripened into a strong friendship. This was how Beatrix’s
romance had begun with Norman, who had been her editor on the
Little Books, and so it felt right to her. And since Will suffered
from such shyness with the ladies, it might have been the only way
he could have stumbled into love. And then—to their mutual
astonishment—they became engaged.
If you will forgive me, I think I must retell this
part of the story, which is told in The Tale of Applebeck
Farm. It happened, you see, on the same night that the
Applebeck dairy burnt, a year and a half before. This was a wildly
exciting night for the villagers, who got out of their beds and ran
to join the bucket brigade to try and put the fire out. It was also
an exciting night for Will. He and Beatrix had gone for a walk in
the moonlight, and he had at last been able to muster the courage
to tell her what had been hiding in his heart for some time.
This is how he began: “I care for you, Miss Potter.
I care deeply. I don’t suppose this is any secret to you—I am sure
it has been increasingly apparent each time we’ve been together
this last year, and perhaps even before.”
It had indeed become apparent, and Beatrix had
observed it with growing uneasiness. It was not that she did not
have warm feelings of her own. Oh, no, not at all! She knew how she
felt and she was fully aware of the danger of it, for those warm
feelings for Will Heelis were complicated by equally warm feelings
of loyalty to Norman Warne and his family. (Norman’s sister Millie
would surely be hurt if she found out that Beatrix was beginning to
care for someone else.) And her parents—
Oh, dear. Well, that, of course, was the most
significant complication, for Beatrix knew that her mother and
father would oppose her relationship with Will Heelis in exactly
the way they had opposed her engagement to Norman, and for exactly
the same reasons. They would say that Will (who was, after all,
just a country solicitor, the son of a country parson and his
country wife) was not “the right sort of person” to marry their
daughter. In fact, they still did not intend that their daughter
should marry anyone at all, ever, but should stay with them at
Bolton Gardens and look after them in their old age. And Beatrix
(who was very modern in some ways and very old-fashioned in others)
could not imagine marrying without her parents’ consent.
Well, you can see the dilemma she was in. So it was
no wonder that Beatrix was uneasy, and that she would really much
rather that Will had never found whatever had been hiding in his
heart. She wanted to make him stop, but she couldn’t, for he hadn’t
yet finished.
“Please do believe me when I say,” he was going on,
“that I am not insensible to your feelings for Mr. Warne, nor to
your difficulties with your parents. But I must tell you truly, and
from my heart, that if your circumstances change—”
At that point, he had paused. Beatrix was not
putting her fingers in her ears (that would have been terribly
rude) but he could see by the look on her face that she did not
want to hear what he had to say. Having opened the subject,
however, he could not see any comfortable way to close it, and so
he had taken a deep breath and stumbled on.
“I know your parents believe me unworthy. It is
true—I am unworthy, and I should never wish to cause you a
single moment’s unhappiness on my account. But if ... if your
circumstances can ever permit you to consider having me, Miss
Potter, my heart . . . my heart is yours. Truly, honestly, and
eternally yours.”
I don’t know about you, but if I had been Miss
Potter and Mr. Heelis had offered to give me his heart, truly,
honestly, and eternally, I should not have hesitated one instant. I
should have said, “Yes! Oh, yes, yes, yes!” on the spot. But our
Beatrix (who had the foresight to see that matters were coming to a
head) had already practiced her “no.” And so she delivered it,
firmly and compactly.
“I do care for you, but our friendship must remain
a friendship. I still have an enduring fondness for Norman, and my
parents present a substantial obstacle to my living my life as I
would choose to live it.”
Now, Will could have accepted Beatrix’s rejection
and gone on about his business, as any well-mannered Victorian
gentleman should have done. (I am perfectly aware that Queen
Victoria had by this time been dead for a decade, but that doesn’t
change the fact that Will and Beatrix are thoroughgoing Victorians,
just as proper as you please. Neither would have liked being called
“Edwardian,” for King Edward, while he was a very good king, had a
very bad reputation for playing fast and loose with the ladies.)
Will’s heart would, of course, have been completely broken, but
humans are resilient, and it takes more than a romantic rebuff to
do us in. I daresay our Will would not have mourned his loss
forever.
But while this man may be very shy, he is also very
stubborn, and upon due consideration, he did not find it convenient
to take Beatrix’s “no” for an answer. Instead, he kept on pressing
the subject, and after a little while, Beatrix found herself saying
what was truly in her heart: that she cared for him very deeply,
and that if her circumstances were different, her answer would be
different. Her “no” might become a “yes.”
That was what he was waiting for. “Well, then,” he
said (and I do think that we must forgive him that little bit of
triumph in his tone), “if you would choose to marry me under other
circumstances, I will be content to wait. Until your circumstances
change,” he added firmly, “however long that may be. All I ask is a
promise, Beatrix. As long as I have your promise, I can
wait.”
A promise? Beatrix was utterly taken aback. She had
said she cared for him, but she couldn’t marry him unless things
were different. She had given the man an inch, and now he wanted a
mile. This was entirely unexpected. She had assumed that he would
accept her “no” and that would be that. They could go on as
friends, being together when they could, enjoying each other’s
company, just as before. But here he was, boldly demanding a
promise! What in the world could she say that would satisfy him, be
true to her own heart’s desire, and still protect her obligations?
It was a challenge. A conundrum. A lesser woman would have been
completely flummoxed.
But our Beatrix was no lesser woman. She raised her
eyes to his and said, sweetly and softly, “Well, then, I shall
promise not to marry anyone but you, Will. That is my promise, and
I freely give it. Will it do?” When he seemed to hesitate, she
pounced. “You see?” she said triumphantly. “I knew you
wanted something more from me. Well, that’s all you are going to
get. You are free to take back your proposal.”
Which, of course, he had not. Her promise was not
exactly what he wanted, but he knew that Beatrix Potter was a woman
of her word. She would marry him, or she would not marry anyone,
and with that he had to be content. Well, he was—at least, on that
night, at that moment. They were engaged to be married (someday),
and even though it had to be secret, just between the two of them,
that would do. It would have to, wouldn’t it? And at that moment,
it did.
Beatrix had been able to get back to the farm only
a half-dozen times since that fateful night. They had not been
together often or long, but often and long enough to assure both of
them that their feelings had not changed. They had exchanged quite
a few letters, although Beatrix (who was in a great state of
consternation about this secret engagement into which she had
inadvertently entered) had the sense that even letter writing was
dangerous. Her mother knew that Mr. Heelis had helped her purchase
Castle Farm, so letters bearing his return address might therefore
be assumed to be confined to business matters. On the other hand,
if her mother caught her blushing over the letters (and Beatrix had
an embarrassing tendency to blush), she might suspect that
something more than business was in the wind. So Beatrix, who hated
fusses and rows more than anything in the world, hid the letters,
just as she had hidden Norman’s, and of course, said nothing at all
about her engagement to Mr. Heelis. Her secret
engagement.
There it is: the story behind our story, and I hope
you don’t think I’ve gone on too long about it. But while I’ve been
telling it, Will and Beatrix have been enjoying, undisturbed, their
first private moment together in some months. I’m sure they don’t
want a flock of curious people peering over their shoulders,
wondering how Miss Potter feels to be kissed by this tall,
fine-looking man, or how Mr. Heelis feels to be holding his dearest
love at last in his arms. So we will stand off to one side and be
very quiet. Perhaps you wouldn’t even mind holding your
breath.
Thank you. We can breathe again, for the moment has
passed. Will has lifted his hand to Beatrix’s cheek and touched it
tenderly, and she has taken his fingertips and put them to her
lips. Both laugh a little, shakily, then move apart, but not too
far apart, toward the fire.
“It’s getting chilly outside,” Will said, spreading
his hands to the warmth and speaking in what he hoped was a normal
tone. However, he had just held his fiancée (his fiancée!)
close enough to be made a little giddy by the scent of her lavender
soap. He didn’t feel normal at all. “I shouldn’t be a bit surprised
to see frost in the next day or two.”
“I shouldn’t either,” Beatrix said, trying for
something that sounded like her usual voice but didn’t, of course,
because she had just been kissed by the man she loved (yes,
loved!). “Have you eaten? There’s soup on the stove. And bread
and cheese. Oh, and gingerbread.”
“Ah.” Will brightened, and things began to feel a
little more normal. “Soup. And gingerbread. Why, no, I haven’t,
actually. I’d be rather glad of a little something, if you’re sure
there’s enough. My dear,” he added shyly.
And in another five minutes, Beatrix found herself
sitting with the greatest happiness you can possibly imagine across
the table from Will, thinking that it was just as if they were
married, sharing a simple supper of soup and bread and cheese and
afterward, a piece of gingerbread and a cup of steaming coffee.
Outside, the March wind was rising, but indoors, all was warm and
cheerful and delightfully comfortable, so comfortable that neither
could imagine a better, sweeter, happier place to be, not if they
searched the whole wide world. They talked about the noisy
hydroplane and about a rumor that Will had heard about a possible
aeroplane route between Bowness and Grasmere, at the north end of
the lake, to be established by the aeroplane’s owners. They talked
about Castle Farm, and about Will’s business (he had been in
Kendal, settling a property dispute), and about Beatrix’s parents
and her brother, Bertram, who at the present time was visiting in
London.
“Although,” Beatrix added, “my parents seem never
to be overjoyed to see him, and of course he is never very glad to
come. They all do it out of duty.”
It was the story of her family, she thought.
Everything they did, they did out of a sense of obligation or duty,
and none of it ever seemed to bring them any enjoyment. As Will
described the Heelis family, on the other hand, he made them sound
very much like Norman’s brothers and sisters, full of fun and
laughter and happy silliness.
“And he’s not yet told them about his secret
marriage?” Will asked, pushing away his empty plate and looking
straight at Beatrix.
This was a provocative question. The fact of the
matter, you see, was that Beatrix’s brother Bertram (younger than
she by some five years) had been secretly married for over a
decade. His wife’s name was Mary, and they had met when she was
working as a serving girl in her aunt’s hostelry. They lived
together on the farm Bertram had bought in Scotland (they had no
children), but he had still not told his father and mother.
Bertram’s secret life loomed large between Will and Beatrix. For
even though they had not yet discussed it with each other, it had
crossed both their minds that they might be secretly
married. And why not? They were adults and pledged, weren’t they?
They had had several months to think it over, and neither of them
could imagine marrying anyone else. So the possibility of a secret
marriage might be a way out of their dilemma.
But Will was a straightforward, honest man who
disliked the thought of clandestine dealings. He longed to let the
whole world know that Miss Potter had agreed to become Mrs. Heelis
and in fact, in a moment of sheer, delirious happiness, had
actually told his cousin, who was also his partner in the family
law firm. (He had, of course, sworn the cousin to secrecy.)
For her part, Beatrix had been horrified when she
learnt of her brother’s secret arrangement. She was deeply
sympathetic to his desire to live with the woman he loved. But if
he loved Mary enough to marry her, he ought to be brave enough to
tell his father and mother. And on a practical level, she knew that
she could never keep so important a secret as marriage from her
parents. They would know in an instant that she had been up to
something. Her face would give her away, and in a moment or two,
they would have the whole story.
So she reached for a change of subject, snatching
at the first thing that came into her mind. “Speaking of marriage,”
she said, picking up her coffee cup, “I’ve just been with Grace
Lythecoe. She has received several nasty letters from some
anonymous person who doesn’t want her to marry the vicar. It’s
making her terribly unhappy.”
Beatrix knew the minute she spoke that she had
betrayed a confidence. But the cat was out of the bag now, and when
Will, surprised, wanted to know what it was all about, she had to
tell him, adding, “But really, I shouldn’t have mentioned it.
Please don’t tell anyone else.”
“Of course not,” Will said firmly. “But this is
serious, Beatrix. What is Mrs. Lythecoe going to do?”
“She’s asked me to help her find out who is writing
them,” Beatrix said, and put down her cup. “But I’ve seen the
letters, and I’m afraid they don’t give any clues.”
Will frowned. “Do you suppose she would let me see
them? I’ve lived in the district for a very long time, and I know a
great many people, town and country. I might be able to recognize
the handwriting, or see something else that might give us an idea
of who wrote them.”
Beatrix hesitated, but only for a moment. Will was
right. He was acquainted with far more people than she was. He
might be able to recognize the sender immediately. The matter could
be dealt with, Grace’s worries and fears laid to rest, and she
could stop thinking about it. She pushed back her chair.
“As it happens,” she said, “I have the letters.
Mrs. Lythecoe knows you and trusts you. I don’t think she would
object to my sharing them with you. Perhaps you can tell her who
wrote them.”
But when Beatrix spread the letters on the table
and moved the lamp closer so he could read them, Will had to admit
that he could see no clues to the identity of the sender.
“How did she get them?” he asked.
“They came over the course of the past month,”
Beatrix said, “each in a different way. The first was put through
the slot in the front door. The second was dropped over the back
fence. The third, which arrived only a few days ago, was sent
through the post. But as you can see, the postmark is so badly
smeared that it is impossible to tell where it was mailed.”
Will nodded. “Too bad there’s no bloody
thumbprint,” he said with a wry chuckle. “If so, we might enlist
Sherlock Holmes to help solve the mystery.”
Beatrix, too, had read Mr. Doyle’s story, “The
Adventure of the Norwood Builder,” and knew what Will was talking
about. Holmes had identified the suspect by comparing a print of
his thumb to a bloody print on a whitewashed wall at the scene of
the crime. She had to smile a little when she thought about this,
for the astute Holmes had also proved that the thumbprint on the
wall had been cleverly fabricated by the real villain, and the
owner of the thumb, the suspect, was an innocent man.
But even the incomparable Holmes could have found
no clues in these letters. The envelopes were entirely
unremarkable, and the messages were printed in crude block letters,
in pencil, on unlined sheets of plain paper of the sort that could
be purchased cheaply at any stationer’s shop. The only possible
clue was that the paper on which the third message was written was
smaller by half and had a rough edge, as though it had been folded
once or twice and then torn from another piece of paper.
The first said, simply, “Marry Samuel Sackett and
you will be sorry.”
The second repeated this warning, with this
addition: “He has a terrible sin on his conscience.”
The third, most ominously, said, “Cancel the
wedding, or the whole parish will know what he has done.”
“Sin?” Will was incredulous. “The vicar? What
terrible sin could he have possibly committed? He is one of the
mildest men I have ever met.”
Beatrix had asked herself the same question. But
when she inquired (as delicately as she knew how), Mrs. Lythecoe
had tearfully insisted that she had no idea what it might be—and
what was more, she didn’t believe there was any such thing. It was
nothing but a lie, she insisted. The anonymous letter writer was
making it up.
Beatrix wanted to agree with her friend, of course.
It was hard to imagine Vicar Sackett committing even a small sin,
unless one counted dithering, of which the poor vicar was endlessly
guilty. He always saw all sides of a question, both the positive
and the negative, and could never quite make up his mind which way
he ought to come down. Some of the villagers saw this as a
character flaw, since a man of God surely ought to know the
difference between good and bad and be able to tell everyone else
exactly what it was. But a “terrible” sin? How could that be? He
just wasn’t that sort of person.
Still, Beatrix couldn’t help wondering. Perhaps the
vicar (who had already put his fiftieth birthday behind him) was
not the same man now that he had always been. To put it another
way, he might have been a different sort of person in his youth,
before he became vicar of St. Peter’s. People changed, and young
men often sowed vast fields of wild oats. Beatrix knew this of her
own experience, because she was well acquainted with her brother’s
various misdemeanors over the years—his failing in school, his
gambling, even (sadly) his excessive drinking. Was it possible that
the vicar, as a younger person, had done things he now regretted?
Had once led a life that he now kept secret?
But that wasn’t the real question, and Beatrix knew
it. Whatever the vicar had or had not done, the real
question was whether the letter writer would dare to spread an ugly
tale, true or false, around the parish. And whether Grace
Lythecoe—a sensible woman, a kind woman and thoughtful, but a woman
who cared a great deal about her position in the little
community—had the courage to marry her vicar in spite of such
malicious threats. Listening to Grace worry and fret out loud about
the letters, Beatrix had begun to fear that she did not. She
couldn’t be blamed, of course. To marry in defiance of others took
an extraordinary courage, as Beatrix well knew. She could scarcely
criticize her friend for failure of heart, when she herself was in
a similar situation.
And now, thinking further about the situation, she
was very sorry that she had agreed to help. It was true that the
village was small and that everyone knew everyone else’s
business—which meant that somebody might have seen the person who
put the first letter through Grace’s door or tossed the second
letter over the fence. But it was also true that in order to find
out who knew what, she should have to ask questions. And
that might cause even more trouble for Grace and the vicar.
Whoever was writing these letters might not be willing to stop—or
worse, might not be willing to stop with the simple act of writing
letters.
“I’m sorry,” Will said ruefully. “I wish I could be
of more help. But I’ll keep my eyes and ears open. I may be able to
learn something.” He folded the letters carefully and handed them
back to Beatrix. “Keep them in a safe place,” he said,
standing.
“You’re going?” Beatrix asked, feeling a wrench. It
seemed as if he had just arrived.
Reaching for his coat, Will smiled crookedly. “I
must, or the Jenningses will talk. And then Mrs. Stubbs will talk,
and Agnes Llewellyn and Mathilda Crook, and everybody else.” He
bent and kissed her. “You know what gossips these villagers
are.”
Beatrix knew. Bertram might be able to keep his
secret safe, on an isolated farm in the wilds of the Scottish
border country. It was much harder to lead a secret life in Near
Sawrey, where prying eyes were everywhere and the tongues never
stopped rattling.
Which was exactly why the vicar and Mrs. Lythecoe
were in such danger.