51

I CAN COME UP WITH
DUMB IDEAS AS WELL AS
THE REST OF THEM.

It took me all night to figure out where to get the money. That’s because I got stuck on the idea of having a bake sale.

How stupid was that? How many Rice Krispie squares was I going to have to sell by Monday morning to raise $2036.42? About a bazillion—and frankly, I didn’t have a pan that big.

Then I thought of chocolate bar sales. That was stupid too. Our entire school sold chocolate bars for a month and all we got out of it was $864 and a lot of pimples.

Once I got back to the studio and raided the staff fridge I was able to think a bit more clearly. I guess I just needed to get my mind off food.

Busking was obviously out. So was blackmailing—despite Bitsie’s “foolproof” plan to frame Mel. In fact, all of Bitsie’s plans were out. They all involved something illegal—arson, smuggling, insurance fraud, grand theft auto, you name it.

When I said no to another one of his ideas,⁷¹ Bitsie stomped off in a big huff to watch TV. Like this wasn’t his problem too.

I needed to come up with some fast, easy way to make money. A paper route? Baby-sitting? Lawn-mowing? As far as I could see, nothing a twelve-year old could do brought in that type of money. It didn’t seem fair. It was so easy for grown-ups. I thought about that woman who came up with the idea for a television series about doorknobs. It couldn’t have taken her more than about six minutes to dream up something that lame, and Kathleen was about to give her $5000 for it!

Boy, that annoyed me—until I realized the possibilities.

⁷⁰ He actually suggested we try forging the Mona Lisa and selling it. The guy watches too much TV.