CHAPTER 4


 

 

 

HOW WAS THE visit?" asked Agra stopping a moment from her work. Inventory was something she disliked intensely but not as much as Kali or Lilith did.

"Fine."

Agra knew immediately that Lilith was upset. They had been together too long for her not to recognize the signs.

"Want to talk about it?"

"There really isn’t much to talk about."

"Meaning there is but you're not sure now is the time. So what’s up... and don't start the ‘I don’t want to talk about it’ crap. Did Intunecat say or do something to piss you off?"

"Good grief, no! He’s the perfect gentleman," laughed Lilith. "We just talked about the old days... and it brought up memories I’d just as soon have forgotten."

"Ahhh. Let me guess... your origin and the good old days," Agra replied intuitively.

"And what made you jump to that conclusion?"

"It’s the only period that puts you in your most pensive mood... and besides... Intunecat is ancient. He’s probably heard every story out there except yours. I have no doubt he would find it interesting. Few know the truth about you and Adam."

"There aren’t very many who even know I existed. It's probably just as well too. It's a story that would turn the human world topsy-turvy."

"Yeah. They need their beliefs... even if they aren't accurate. But who are we to say otherwise? So... let me guess what’s got you down... the Child, right?"

"We’ve been together too long."

"Naw... but I know the look. You may have fooled the others into believing you were indifferent to her but I know you too well. She was still your child."

"Yes... she was," replied Lilith.

*  *  *

She had a name... or at least once there was a time when she did. Now, however, she was only known as the Demon Child or just the Child. Even Lilith and Dis refused to call her by her real name... but she didn’t care. There was a strange sort of prestige in the anonymity of being nameless even if she was the most recognized offspring in the Underworld... and the most feared.

Most of the demons and minions chose to ignore her, thinking it safer to pretend she didn’t exist. Others acknowledged her existence only to stay in her mother and father’s good graces. They were the ones that amused her. Stupidity wasn’t in short supply in the Underworld. The more intelligent inhabitants knew Dis didn't care what his followers thought and Lilith had little tolerance for sycophants. Neither did the Demon Child. On the other hand, it didn't mean she couldn’t use them for her own purposes. The only reason the stupid existed was for the benefit of those who were smart enough to use them. She had come to that conclusion on her own.

From the moment of conception, she had an awareness of the world beyond the womb. By the time she was born, she understood life in the Underworld, its strengths and its weaknesses. Although there were alliances amongst small groups of demons or minions, only Dis and Lilith commanded total obedience and only they received it. By her birthright, the Child felt she was entitled to the same. It was the beginning of her fall from grace.

Were she a normal demon child instead of the offspring of the Underlord and an altered human, she would have enjoyed the attention of the others as they competed to gain her favors. Power in the Underworld came from the number of followers one commanded and a demon's relationship with the Legion of the Elite... those delegated by Dis to keep the order in his domain. Some of the Legion were from his seedline and were called the Nephilim. They were the result of liaisons between Dis and the Fallen, followers of the Twin who had decided to champion Dis during the Great War. The Fallen were not his original supporters, the ones who believed in their Master’s free lifestyle, but had sided with him rather than live with the more restricted beliefs of his brother. Like their sire, the Nephilim were more interested in their lust than their jobs, preferring to leave everything to their underlings. Discovering this weakness, the Child found it easy to maneuver around the Underworld without attracting the attention of her parents... and eventually created enough havoc to forever change the future of Heaven and Hell and all the worlds in between.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Agra asked quietly, interrupting Lilith’s thoughts.

"After all this time? What is there to say?"

Agra shrugged.

"Maybe the truth. No one ever knew what really happened between the two of you... and Dis was conspicuously absent for a long time afterward. Some say she was the cause of the rift between you and the Underlord."

Lilith snorted.

"Only the ignorant. She may have contributed to it in a small way but we had grown apart long before she started her mischief. Dis doesn’t have it in him to be monogamous and I don’t have the patience to live an eternity with someone who’s main thought in life is sex."

"Yeah, so I found out," smirked Agra.

"I can imagine. You sure didn’t stay married to him very long."

Agra gave her friend a mischievous grin.

"But it was the best thing that ever happened to me. It’s the only reason he gave me the whores. After a few hundred years he begged me to leave him... promised me half his kingdom," she laughed. "His half... not yours."

"That must have been something."

"Oh... you can’t imagine. When I told him I didn’t want anything other than to be given domain over the whores, he was so relieved he released me from my fealty oath to him."

"Dis nullified your vow?"

"Yep. I am a free spirit, so to speak... and so is anyone else I choose to emancipate, not that I do that very often."

"No wonder he leaves you alone. Only a few demons have achieved that level of freedom. I’m surprised the Twin hasn’t tried to convince you to join his Army."

"I think he knows I could never be on his side. Like Dis, I like my sex too much. I am just a lot more discriminating than he. Now enough of me. What really happened between you and the Child."

"I’m not sure where to begin," murmured Lilith. "She was, I don’t know... someone who should never have been born... a hybrid between two totally different species or energies, I guess. I blame myself for what happened. Anyway, when I found out I was pregnant I wasn’t sure what to think. Hell, I didn’t even know what being pregnant meant. Dis had to explain it to me. The whole concept seemed... alien. I think she sensed my confusion... my reluctance even before she was born. There were times when I felt as if she were calling to me... begging me to love her... to want her... and I pretended I didn't hear. I told myself it was my imagination. After all, she wasn’t even born yet. How could she feel or know what I was thinking."

"I knew!" came a reply, uninvited, and totally unexpected.

Shaking her head, Lilith frowned at the intrusion. "Child? It's been a long time!"

"Yes it has, Mother, but then you’ve tried your best to forget me, haven’t you?"

"Forget? No, I could never forget you. You're still a part of me."

"Then why do I feel forgotten?"

Lilith couldn’t answer that. Perhaps there wasn’t an answer or perhaps the Child was right. She certainly had tried not to think about her daughter, avoiding anything that reminded her of the child she had abandoned before she was ever born. In a way it was an unconscious attempt to forget her.

"I’m sorry," Lilith replied, knowing it wasn’t enough but unable to offer anything more.

"Am I never to be forgiven, Mother?" the voice asked.

There was no pleading, no sorrow in her question. It was asked calmly and unemotionally as if they were discussing the weather or something more mundane, but behind the pretended dispassion were thousands of years of a haunting loneliness and millions of lost souls who had died because of her personal vendetta.

Lilith still remembered her daughter's face. She was beautiful. How could she be anything else with parents like Dis and she. He was the perfect male... large, muscular and irresistibly handsome. With dark red skin and glowing, reddish brown eyes and elliptical pupils, he was a sexual predator who could sense every female’s wants and needs, and then fulfill them. The consummate charmer, few could deny him once he started his seduction... and that was the problem. Dis grew bored with his conquests quickly. Lilith had lasted the longest, staying with him for over 10,000 years, and although he never grew tired of her, she finally grew bored with their relationship. Eventually their decision to part had been mutual, but he still retained a strong affection for her. There was no question that he respected many of his exes. She, however, had been the one person he came the closest to actually loving.

"Am I interrupting something?"

For a moment, Lilith looked confused as she stared blankly at Agra. Her daughter's sudden mental intrusion had caught her by surprise, leaving her slightly disoriented.

"Sorry. Where was I?"

"You were wondering if the Child sensed your reluctance to have her."

Lilith nodded, picking up where she had left off.

"When she was born she was able to walk and talk within months. She grew at a phenomenal rate and was as big as a human teenager in less than five years."

"Wow! That must have been impressive."

"To say the least! At first Dis was smug about it but quickly lost interest. Soon she was running around the Underworld getting into all sorts of mischief. Perhaps if I had paid more attention, things might have turned out differently," sighed Lilith.

"Or not!"

Other than a slight frown, Lilith gave no indication she heard the comment.

"It’s a little late to second guess things."

"I know. Anyway, somewhere along the line she heard the story of Adam and me... or at least some perverted version of it and decided to punish him on my behalf. Can you image? She hated him because of some stupid rumor. My child wanted to defend my honor when there was nothing to defend."

"I was just a child, Mother. I knew a lot about the world but nothing about feelings."

"What in the world did she hear?"

"Mostly bullshit. Had she been a little more mature she'd have known it for what it was. Then again, had I been wiser, I'd have seen what she was becoming and intervened."

"None of us is perfect," responded Agra. "And you surely can't blame yourself for your lack of knowledge, considering your origin."

"No. I feel no guilt about what I didn't know. Maybe I should but I know there was no way for me to understand what a child was. That doesn't stop me from wishing I had though. Some demons were angry about the Great Battle and blamed me for their losses. A lot of demons and minions were destroyed. Everyone lost friends."

"And they used her to punish you. Payback was hell, as they say. In your case, Hell's child."

"Yes. They told her Adam tried to force himself on me. That he was abusive and had humiliated me so much I ran away. Then they said he lied to the Twin and had me kicked out of Paradise and then whined about wanting me back."

"Well, if there’s one thing you can bet on in the Underworld, it’s that the place is filled with idiots. Sometimes I think Dis's brother doesn’t want his Army trying too hard to save some of these souls."

"You may have a point. Anyway, the stories were so ridiculous I never took them seriously. I guess I expected my daughter to know better, too. She was so bright."

"Maybe she was, but like you said, she was still a child."

"Yes. I know that now. Remember I was created fully cognizant of everything around me. I had no childhood, no infancy. There was no reason to believe her to be any different."

"But I was different! I was a half-breed... the cross between a human and a demon. You should have known better."

"Why? I wasn't human at the time, and in my own way, I am the real half-breed; more so than you. I was completely human before Dis made me a demon. Contrary to what you think, you were conceived from two demons."

"You have never been pure demon, Mother. Even Father, as powerful as he is, could never completely alter his brother's creation. Within you still lies the essence of humanity."

"Maybe. I've never really thought about it. As far as I'm concerned I'm a demon and will always be one. I have no desire to be anything else."

The Child's laughter felt like a gentle breeze. Lilith smiled.

"Uh huh! So that's why you spend so much time with humans! Forgive me for not believing you."

"Okay. Maybe there are times. Anyway, just as you were a child, I was also one in my own way. I never knew what it was to be carried in the womb; to be loved or protected. I simply... was."

"But you had Dis to teach you. He explained the process."

"Pfft! Have you ever heard him explain anything that dealt with women? He hasn't a clue as to what we're about. Hell, he still thinks male demons determine the sex of their offsprings. That hasn't happened in over a million years."

"Yeah, Father is rather naïve about some things, but it's part of his charm."

"A charm that's very superficial."

"But effective!"

"True."

The light banter eased some of the tension Lilith was feeling. When she nodded her head, Agra stared at her suspiciously.

"Is there something you’re not telling me?"

The demoness shook her head.

"No. Just thinking. It must..."

Before she could finish her thought, Kali walked in carrying two cases of beer. Behind her followed a young man pushing a dolly with several boxes stacked on top of each other. It was obvious from his puppy dog expression he was smitten with the bartender. Rolling her eyes, Kali motioned for him to put the liquor cases in the corner.

"I’ve had to double our order. If we get any more customers, we’re going to have to expand. Umm... I’m not interrupting anything am I?" she asked, glancing from Agra to Lilith, sensing something was up.

"Not really. We’re just talking about the good old days," Agra replied before Lilith could respond.

"Uh huh. Like I believe that. Well, in case either of you are interested, I’m not going to be here tomorrow. Cammie and I have decided to go on a date."

"Date? You two have been fornicating for months. I have to leave the pad just to get some peace and quiet when you two are going at it. Don’t tell me you haven’t gone out together, yet!"

"Hey, it’s not like we just met. We have to see if we're compatible."

"Oh. I see. Test drive the car before you buy it, eh?"

Kali grinned, her lavender eyes sparkling.

"But of course! And I have to say this car purrrrrsss quite nicely."

"Geez, Kali. I hope Cammie doesn’t hear you talking about her like that?"

"Talking about me like what?" asked Cammie, strolling into the club.

"Hey, Cam. I just said you purrrred nicely and Agra thinks you might take exception to the remark."

Cammie looked at Agra and winked.

"PPPPUUURRRRR!"

Giving Kali a quick kiss, she slapped her on the butt and then left, waving bye to everyone as she dragged the Destroyer away toward the bar.

"I have to admit I’ve never seen her so happy," Lilith said.

"Yeah... and Cammie, from the way she's acting."

"And what about you?"

"Me? What do I have to do with them?" Agra asked, looking confused.

"Well, you and Kali have been together for a long time."

"She’s my best friend... not my lover. That was over a long time ago."

"So, no regrets?"

"No. I’m happy for them. I think they make a cute couple... and they deserve to be happy. Both of them have been alone a long time."

 

"Haven't we all," murmured Lilith. "Well, we’d better get busy. It’s almost time to open up."

"Uh huh. Don’t think you’re getting off the hook that easily. We’ll finish this discussion, later," threatened Agra, good-naturedly, walking over to help her friend with the restocking. Glancing at the young man standing quietly in the corner, she motioned with her head for him to scram. The disappointed expression on his face was priceless. Lilith decided it was a good time to escape into her office to finish up some paperwork.

"I think you are as lonely as I am!" said the Child.

"What makes you say that? I have my friends, human and demon. I can come and go wherever I wish."

"That has nothing to do with loneliness. When was the last time you had someone to hold, to love... someone you really cared deeply about?"

"I care deeply about Kali and Agra... even your father in an odd sort of way."

"I'm not talking about friendship, Mother, and you know it."

"What I know is you're going somewhere that is none of your business!" snapped Lilith.

"You're right, of course! It’s none of my business. I'm sorry."

Silence followed for several minutes while Lilith calmed down.

"Why did you do it?" she asked, changing the subject.

She could almost feel the mental shrug. The Child knew immediately what she was referring to.

"I was angry... angry at you and father. Back then I wanted Adam to be my father. He would have loved me... at least that's what I thought... and then you would have."

Lilith couldn’t stop the tear from trickling slowly down her cheek. Bowing her head slightly, she tried to imagine what it must have been like for her daughter, knowing neither of her parents felt anything for her.

"Maybe... then again, I’m not so sure. It wasn’t an emotion I was familiar with, and staying with him would not have guaranteed our love... at least not in the beginning... but you wouldn’t have known that"

"No. All I knew was what I was told and what I felt from the moment I was conceived."

"Who told you these stories about Adam and me? And why didn’t you come to me for the truth? It would have saved all of us a lot of pain."

"Does it matter? Many of them are gone. Others... well, it happened a long time ago. Besides, what would you do to them now?"

The demoness didn’t have an answer. The Child was right. What good would it do to seek out those who had poisoned her daughter’s mind... and were they really to blame? She was more responsible than anyone else.

"Maybe nothing. I’m not sure. It’s true stirring up old memories and hatreds serve no purpose. It won’t change the past. At least tell me what you heard so I can better understand."

For several minutes, she felt nothing... and then came a soft mental sigh.

"You know there was a lot of resentment over the Great Battle. Many of the demons and minions blamed you for the loss of their comrades and for being banished from the heavens."

"We were aware some hated us, but Dis said they would get over it. Demons always need something to moan about."

"He was wrong. Their hatred festered until the opportunity for revenge presented itself. That was me. You and Father ignored me as if I didn't exist so I had unlimited access to the Underworld. I was aware of the furtive glances cast toward me but I thought they were just jealous because I was the child of the Overlord and his whore."

Lilith cringed slightly at the description but knew it was accurate enough, although she and Dis eventually married.

"Sorry. Later came the rumors about you and father and Adam. They only confirmed what I heard... that you were the reason for the schism between Dis and the Twin, but Adam was the real cause. Had he not abused you, Dis would never have come to your defense and you and he would never have joined."

"Abused me? Adam was never abusive!"

Just the thought made Lilith bristle. Adam may have been many things but he never mistreated or said an unkind word to her or about her. His only fault was his failure to recognize her as equal. Even then, she didn’t blame him entirely. The Twin could have resolved the dispute by simply declaring them so. The demoness believed Adam would have accepted how she felt if that had occurred and then they would have worked things out between themselves.

"Whether he was or wasn’t didn’t matter? They said he was an arrogant and self-centered. He made you serve him... and expected you to service his needs. Supposedly you were treated worst than the lowest minion and when you finally rebelled, he had you removed from Paradise as punishment. Then having no one to wait on him, he cried and whined to the Twin begging him to bring you back. They said Father rescued you and offered his protection, refusing to let Gabriel take you back. When the angel returned to Paradise empty-handed, Adam was so angry he ranted and raved about you being his and goaded Gabriel for failing his master. The Twin was so infuriated by Father’s defiance, he sent his Army to the gates of the Underworld with an ultimatum... and against the Legion’s advice, Father ordered his followers into battle. I believed them."

"That's ridiculous! How could you believe such trash... and even if it was true, what did it have to do with you?"

"Perhaps nothing... but in my mind, everything. No child likes to hear her mother or father being talked about like that."

"Do you still think that?"

The laughter was soft, although it held little joy.

"No! I’ve had a lot of time to think... and the person I am wouldn't be the same if Dis weren't my father... but back then I thought differently. It was all very confusing at the time. I just remember thinking if I had been conceived out of affection rather than lust, you would have loved me."

"Yes... I can see that."

"I’m glad. Knowing you understand makes my exile more bearable."

It wasn’t until it landed on her hand that Lilith realized she was crying. Staring at the tear, she touched it with her fingertips.

"Don’t cry for me, Mother. I’ve grown used to the isolation... and it’s given me time to explore my feelings. I don’t blame you or Father... and I understand your reasons. Exile was a fitting punishment for the chaos I created."

"Maybe it was then... or maybe Dis and I should have been more compassionate. It must have been awful to be banished to that place. I can’t imagine what it would be like to see everything but never be seen... to no longer feel a touch or to share thoughts... to be alive and yet to know you have no substance."

"Awful? In the beginning and for thousands of years afterward, I swore vengeance. I thought I would go insane, but as time went by, I realized what I had done... and learned how I had wronged everyone. I accept your punishment as just and have grown comfortable with myself."

"And if you could return to this world, would you?"

"If I could, I would. Whether I would be happy is another story... but we both know it is a moot point. As you and Father said in the beginning, once the deed was done, there is no undoing it, even if you wanted to."

"Times have changed. We all have grown more knowledgeable... for better or worse. You have borne the burden of our neglect long enough."

For a fleeting moment Lilith thought she felt a dark satisfaction emanating from the Child but it came and went so quickly she wasn’t sure. Frowning, she wondered if she had imagined the darkness.

"You still doubt me!" the sad whisper was almost more than Lilith could bear. "Until you are confident about your own decisions, Mother, don’t think of my loneliness. Like I said, I’m comfortable with myself... and now that I have you to talk to, my world is brighter."

Lilith decided to ignore her doubts temporarily.

"Yes... and since you did manage to reach me, it proves the barrier is not perfect. How did you manage that?"

"I’m really not sure. I’ve been able to see and hear everything in your worlds but I was never able to hear what anyone was thinking. The first time I became aware of your thoughts was when you were talking with the Dark One."

"It was the first time I had really thought about you in a long time. Before, if something reminded me of you, I quickly pushed you aside not wanting to dwell on that part of my past."

"I understand. Well, now it seems that at least this part of the barrier is broken. For me, it's enough. Thank you for giving me that."

"I gave you nothing."

Looking at her watch, Lilith realized she was going to be late for work.

"We’ll talk later," she said, reluctantly. When the Child didn’t answer, she realized her daughter had already departed.