BUSTING OUT THE BEAN
Freddy knocked on the apartment door on the top floor of the tallest building in Pookesville. As he listened to the footsteps coming toward the door, his heart started to pound faster and faster: He would finally be meeting Silas Finklebean, the only person who’d ever figured out how to travel through time.
When Silas Finklebean opened the door, Freddy and the others realized that they’d all been holding their breaths. Now they let it all out with a collective whoosh. As Freddy stared up at the very tall man, he noticed that Finklebean appeared to be wearing the same clothes he had on from the picture in the book.
Finklebean’s first words were very surprising. “Come in, come in, I was expecting you.” He shook all of their hands as he led them inside and motioned them into chairs. The apartment, Freddy noticed, didn’t look modern at all. In one corner stood an old-fashioned radio. On the wall across from Freddy was an antique clock with a long brass pendulum. Hanging on another wall was an old mercury barometer.
“I like to keep things from my own time around,” explained Finklebean.
“It’s an honor to meet you, Mr. Finklebean,” said Freddy.
“Well, it’s an honor to meet you, Freddy,” replied Finklebean.
Howie’s eyes nearly fell out of his face. “How’d you know his name?”
“Your present is my history, so of course I know all about you.”
“So you came into the future and stayed because you wanted to?” said Freddy.
Finklebean smiled sadly. “Well, that’s not exactly what happened.”
“Indeed, if you had liked the future so much you wouldn’t have surrounded yourself with the past in your apartment,” deduced Theodore.
Finklebean sighed and sat back. “The future has its good points, but being out of your own time isn’t exactly all it’s cracked up to be.” He suddenly sat forward and said very earnestly. “That’s why I wanted you to come and help me.”
“You wanted us to come?” exclaimed Freddy.
Finklebean nodded. “I didn’t know what else to do. I was desperate to get out of the future. I just don’t fit in here.”
“So why couldn’t you just go back in your own time machine?” asked Howie.
“It’s not that simple,” replied Finklebean. “I need your help to do that.”
“Before we can help you, we want to know everything,” said Freddy very firmly.
“You’re certainly entitled to an explanation,” Finklebean acknowledged. “Well, my story is quite simple. None of my inventions made any money. And then I invented the time travel machine and started traveling through time. It was a lot of fun at first. I had all these ideas of the good I could do for people. To go into the future and get the cures for diseases and bring them back. And to build inventions to help people, like for solar power and growing crops more efficiently, things like that. But the only person I really ended up helping was myself.”
Theodore and Freddy exchanged glances. Freddy looked a little ashamed.
Theodore said to Finklebean, “What you did was make money by betting on things, because you already knew the winners.”
“It’s true,” admitted Finklebean. “I got greedy. The thing is, the more money I made the more I wanted.”
“What happened after that?” asked Theodore.
“I came into the future once too often. The Pookesville Robotic Police discovered what I was doing and they took my time machine away. You see, lots of people have time machines nowadays. And so they made it a law that prohibits using information from the future to profit in the past. I broke that law and I’ve been stuck here ever since.”
“But you disappeared a long time ago,” said Howie. “And you haven’t aged.”
“That’s one thing I discovered when time traveling. If you’re not in your own time, time essentially stands still for you.”
“So you mean you’re, like, never going to die?” asked Meese.
“That’s pretty darn cool, if you ask me,” added Si.
“It’s not really cool if you don’t have anyone who cares about you,” explained Silas. “All my family and friends are long gone. I simply don’t belong here.” He stared at them. “What I would really like to do is go home, to my own time. Will you help me?”
Freddy looked at him oddly. “Wait a minute. I saw you in the basement of the Burger Castle and you were floating in air. That got us curious, and then we found the logbook with the plans for the time machine in there. Can you explain that?”
Finklebean looked embarrassed. “Can we put it down to an amazing coincidence?”
“I think not,” said Theodore, his eyes spinning rapidly. “I calculate the odds of such a coincidence to be 4,893,987,634 to one.”
“Boy, even I’m not that lucky,” said Si.
“Spill the beans, Finkle bean!” cried Howie, “or we leave you here to rot.”
“Well, all right.” He led them to a machine over in the corner of the room. “Even though they took my time machine away, I still have the benefit of today’s technology. This is a quantum unimolecular imaging time-warp transponder with holographic capability. I call it QUIT for short.”
“Hey, I know that word,” said Wally.
“Yeah, as in you never quit eating,” said Ziggy.
“It allowed me to send my holographic image back in time. I saw you in the basement that night. I had read of you and your father’s accomplishments as inventors in the history books. I knew that of all the people who had access to my lab in the castle since I’d left, you or your father were the only ones capable of building the time machine from my plans. So I tried to help you along the way.”
“Wait a minute. My dad and I are in the history books?” asked Freddy. “WOW!”
“That’s right. It might have been easier for us if I’d been able to talk through the QUIT, but I’m not sure that part of the device works.”
“I think most people thought you were a ghost and ran away. That’s what we did at first. And all that came out of your mouth was a long moan,” said Freddy. “At some point one of the owners of the Burger Castle must have walled up the passageway to your lab. We only found it accidentally. We also discovered a corridor going across the street and a trapdoor into another building.”
Finklebean nodded. “I owned another place across the street. It was a huge playhouse for the town’s children. I thought it would be neat to also have a spooky corridor and trapdoor for kids to explore.”
Theodore said, “The Patty Cakes restaurant must have been built on top of it.”
Freddy exclaimed, “But that still doesn’t explain how we ended up in the exact year where you are!”
Finklebean just shook his head. “I don’t really know. As I said, I’ve tried to use the device to communicate with people over the years, but I guess I just scared them away. One time I thought I had actually contacted my family and let them know what year I was in, but I don’t know if they got the message or not. I guess your coming to this year must have been a coincidence after all.”
“Hmm, I wonder,” said Freddy.
“I miss my family,” said Finklebean sadly. “I never got to see my daughter grow up. All the money and fame in the world can’t make up for that.”
“Well,” said Freddy. “It looks like you’ve learned your lesson.”
Finklebean clapped his hands together. “You mean you’ll do it? You’ll take me home?”
Freddy looked at his gang. “What do you think?”
“I say we bust the bean out of the future!” shouted Wally. “And put him back where he belongs.”
“YEAH!” shouted Howie.
“Isecondthatmotionandvoteayetoo,” mumbled Curly.
“Ditto to what Curly said — although I have no idea what it was,” said Si.
“Okay,” added Meese miserably, “although I’m probably going to live to regret it. Or more likely die.”
“Let’s go,” squeaked Ziggy.
Freddy looked at Theodore. “Theodore, what do you think?”
The blue Fry cleared his throat and said, “I think everyone has learned a valuable lesson about the perils of using time for their own personal gain. And I think we should all go back to where we came from.”
Freddy looked at Theodore and smiled. “You really are one smart Fry.”
“Now it won’t be easy,” said Finklebean quickly. “I mean, I broke the law, and while I’m not in jail or anything, I am prohibited from using a time travel machine for any reason.” He pointed to a device on his wrist. “This allows them to follow my every move. The Robotic Police are very smart.”
“No problem,” said Si confidently. “They haven’t run into this gang before.”
Finklebean looked at the Fries one by one. “Excuse me for asking, but what exactly are you?”
“Aluminum coiled, carbon-tubed, microchip-powered with just a touch of the finest Idaho potato,” replied Theodore.
“In other words, we are kick-butt spuds,” bellowed Wally.
Freddy thought for a bit and then said, “Okay, this actually should be pretty easy. The police can’t know about our time machine because it’s invisible. It’s on the other side of Pookesville, near the town square.” Freddy described the exact location for Silas. “You leave a few minutes after us and head there too, only by a different route. We’ll jump in the time machine and be long gone before anyone even knows.”
“Sounds like a plan, Freddio,” said Si.
“Well, just be careful,” warned Finklebean. “I’ve tried to escape before and the police have always caught me. And since you’re helping me, they’ll arrest you too.”
“We’ll take that chance,” said Freddy confidently.
Freddy and the gang left the apartment and headed to the time machine. Finklebean left a few minutes later. However, twenty feet behind Finklebean, something was following him.
When Freddy and the gang reached the time machine, Freddy hit the button turning off the invisibility shield. He checked his watch. “Okay, Finklebean will be here any minute. Let’s get in the time machine and be ready to take off.”
A minute later Ziggy squeaked, “There he is.”
“Right on time,” said Si. “I love it when a plan comes together.”
“OR NOT!” yelled Meese. “Look!” He pointed right behind Finklebean.
A dozen robotic policemen were charging toward them.
“Mr. Finklebean, look out,” yelled Freddy.
“You look out too,” shouted Finklebean, pointing behind Freddy.
The gang whirled around and saw police robots coming from all directions.
“I told you they were very smart,” shouted Finklebean.
“Evasive action, guys,” ordered Freddy.
The police quickly grabbed Finklebean, but Freddy, Howie, and the Fries started scrambling. Big Wally was gone like a shot, a purple blur that disappeared around some buildings.
A squadron of robots suddenly zoomed into the air. “Oh, great, they can fly!” said Freddy as the robots swooped down at them.
“What’s the big deal? So can we,” said Si. He and Meese held their breaths and floated into the air. One robot ran into them in midair and dropped to the ground.
Curly uncoiled to his full height, grabbed hold of two robots, and was pulled into the air. He held on tight and when they passed close to a building, Curly reached out and grabbed onto a flagpole. This brought both robots up short. Curly reeled them in and then tied them to the flagpole using the flag as a rope. Then he dropped to the ground.
“Boythatwasfunbutldon’twanttodoitagain,” he said, panting.
Two of the robots were zooming right at Ziggy. An instant before they got to him he hit himself on the back of the head and fell apart. The two robots collided with each other and fell to the ground.
Theodore was confronted by another robot. “You must surrender at once in accordance with Pookesville Penal Code section 103.456-63.”
Theodore thought quickly. “Yes, but under the United States Constitution, I’m allowed one phone call to my lawyer. Can you go and find one for me, please?”
“Absolutely, sir, I’ll be right back.” As soon as the robot left Theodore scampered away.
Meanwhile, Howie and Freddy were cornered by three robots.
“You must surrender,” said one of them. “It is against the law to aid a prisoner to escape.”
“Never! We’ll fight to the death,” declared Howie.
Freddy grabbed Howie by the shirt. “Will you shut up before you get us killed?”
Freddy turned back to the robots. “This is all a misunderstanding. We’re not even from this time.”
“We know,” said one of the robots. “You came here to learn about the future so you can profit from it in your own time, just like Silas Finklebean did.”
“He’s got us there, Freddy,” said Howie. “We’re guilty, guilty, guilty!”
“Will you keep quiet, Howie,” said an exasperated Freddy. “Okay, guys, I think after I explain what happened, everything will be cool. See, I’m Freddy and I’m an inventor. And …”
One of the robots pulled out what looked like a crossbow and fired. A big net sailed up and then started to fall on top of the boys.
“I don’t think they’re buying your explanation, Freddy,” said Howie.
Right before the net closed over them it was yanked away. They watched as Curly rose over them, the net in hand. He threw it over the two robots and they dropped to the ground.
“Gee, thanks, Curly,” said Freddy.
“Noproblemgladtodoitbutwe’restillinalotoftrouble,” mumbled Curly.
“What did he say?” asked Howie.
“You don’t want to know,” answered Freddy.
Freddy and the gang were surrounded now and the robots were closing in.
“I’m sorry, Freddy,” said Finklebean. “I should never have gotten you into this.”
“It’s okay, Mr. Finklebean,” said Freddy. “It wasn’t your fault. It was mine. I should have left time travel alone.” He turned to Howie. “If these guys lock us up we’ll never see our families again. Heck, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’ll even miss my nutty sister.”
The robots readied to fire nets over all of them when they heard the voice.
“This looks like a job for PURPULIS ENORMOSIS!”
They turned and saw Wally strolling up to one of the robots. “Have you got any of those little food thingie-wingie, pillsies-willsies?” he asked. “You know, to give a condemned Fry his last meal?”
The robots pulled a bunch of pills out and handed them to Wally.
“Wally,” scolded Ziggy, “this is no time to eat.”
“Little yellow papoosie, it’s always a good time to eat.”
“Don’t eat them all at once,” advised the robot.
Wally smiled and then swallowed every last one of them. “Take cover, guys,” yelled Wally. “This is gonna be purpulis enormosis like you’ve never seen him.”
Freddy, Silas Finklebean, and the other Fries dropped to the ground.
“YYYEEEAAAHHH!” One pill had made Wally grow two feet in the gut. Now, with a handful of pills, he was busting out twelve feet in all directions.
Next he started twirling around on his tiptoes like a top, and his enormous body mowed down every single robotic policeman in sight. Then he let out a huge burp and returned to normal size.
“Purpulis enormosis, you rule!” cried Howie.
They all raced to the time machine and climbed in. As soon as Finklebean set the time dial, Freddy hit GO.
The time machine blasted off at the speed of light, and flashes of color streaked past the windows. A minute later the time machine slid to a stop. Freddy opened the hatch and they were all staring at the Burger Castle. Well, it wasn’t the Burger Castle now; it was Castle Finklebean.
Freddy said, “Mr. Finklebean, if you could invent a time travel machine, you can invent lots of useful inventions that’ll work right here in your own time. So forget the curvy car and the candy bar and focus on something really useful.”
“Hey, that candy bar was really cool!” exclaimed Wally indignantly. “And I should know since I personally ate 1,165 of them.”
Finklebean patted Freddy on the shoulder. “You’re right, Freddy.”
Finklebean climbed out and now there were tears in his eyes as he looked at his home. He turned back to Freddy. “I can’t thank you enough for everything.”
A little girl ran out from the Castle. “Daddy!” she cried.
Finklebean lifted her up and gave her a kiss.
“I missed you so much, Daddy.”
“I missed you too, honey.”
Freddy looked at the little girl and said to himself, “I was right. The picture on the mantel.”
Freddy and the gang waved good-bye to the Finklebeans.
“Let’s go home, guys,” said Freddy as the hatch closed and he hit the GO button.