THE PRIMO FAKEOUT
“Freddy,” called out Nancy, who was standing on the trapdoor to Freddy’s lab. “Oh, Freddy, dear, I’d like to take a tour of THE NANCY S. FUNKHOUSER IMPERIAL THEATER and Museum, and I’d like it right now.”
“Great,” said Freddy with a scowl. He was putting the finishing touches on the time travel machine.
When he didn’t answer, she said, “I know you’re in there, Freddy. I’ll give you two hours. If the theater isn’t done, then I’m telling dad about that secret passageway under the Burger Castle and that you’re up to something.” They heard her stomp away.
Freddy shook his head wearily. “Look,” he said, staring at Si, Meese, Wally, Curly, and Ziggy. “You guys are going to have to do something with her.”
“Like what?” asked Si. “Tell her a joke? I’m terrific at jokes.”
“The only one who laughs at your jokes is you,” said Meese.
“See, that’s what I mean,” said Si. “That proves how funny I am. I’m a tough critic.”
“What I want you to do,” said Freddy, “is somehow convince her that the stupid museum and theater is almost done.”
“It is?” said Wally. “I didn’t even know we’d been working on it.”
“We haven’t,” squeaked Ziggy. “We have to make her believe that we have.”
“I knew that,” said Wally quickly. “Okay, let’s go trick her.”
“Wally,” said Freddy, “do you have a plan as to how you’re going to do that?”
“Uh,” said Wally. “That would be a no.”
“Wait a minute, I’ve got a plan,” said Si. “A great plan. I read it in a book and it worked like a charm.”
“You’re sure?” said Freddy.
“Piece of cake. Just leave it to me.”
Two hours later, after a lot of hard work down in the secret area under the Burger Castle, Si, Meese, Ziggy, and Wally admired what they’d accomplished.
They had hung huge canvases on the walls and painted colorful scenes on them. In bright lights was a big marquee that read, THE NANCY S. FUNKHOUSER IMPERIAL THEATER. And there was a large picture of Nancy next to it dressed up in a fancy costume. A door into the theater had massive windows, and through them one could see the ticket counters and refreshment stand and the double doors leading into the theater.
On another canvas they had painted a sign that read: THE NANCY S. FUNKHOUSER MUSEUM. Here were portraits of Nancy and windows through which one could see costumes displayed in glass boxes. Also visible through a window was a shop where you could buy coffee mugs and T-shirts. It all looked three-dimensional, like you could walk right in.
“Do you think she’ll believe it’s real?” squeaked ziggy.
“Sure,” said Si. “It worked great in the book. And it’ll work great here.”
“What was the book?” asked Meese.
“The Emperor’s New Clothes,” replied Si.
“Uhohthere’ssomebodycomingandIthinkit’syou-know-who,” mumbled Curly.
“Quick, to your places,” cried Si. “And, action!”
When Nancy arrived, she saw Wally in his Wilma costume sweeping the entrance to the theater. Ziggy was busy washing windows, while Curly was on a ladder pretending to adjust the lights on the marquee. Si and Meese were polishing the knobs on the front doors.
Nancy’s eyes grew so huge it didn’t seem like her face had room for them.
“Oh, my gosh,” she said breathlessly. “It’s, it’s beautiful. I’m beautiful,” she added, looking up at her picture. “I can’t wait to go inside.”
She took a step toward the doors, but Si stopped her. “Uh, that’s not a good idea.”
“Why not?”
“It’s bad luck to go inside for the first time except on opening night.”
“It is?” asked Nancy.
“Absolutely,” said Si. “I’m sure an actress with your experience knows that.”
“Right, of course I do,” said Nancy hastily.
“And that way on opening night all of your adoring fans will be in their seats to see you for the first time in your very own theater.”
Nancy looked starry-eyed. “Well, I better go and start rehearsing. I’m thinking of playing all the parts in Romeo and Juliet”
After she’d rushed off, Ziggy looked at Si. “You pulled it off.”
“You mean you had doubts?” the happy red Fry said. “Like I said, piece of cake.”
“Oh yeah?” said a gloomy Meese.
“Come on, Meese, why the pout? She bought the story hook, line, and sinker.”
“That’s right, she did. For now! But what about when she comes back for opening night, tries to go through the doors, and runs right into the wall. What then, Mr. Genius?”
“By then I’ll have left the country,” said Si, grinning.
“Well,” said Meese, “At least you’re not as stupid as you look.”