A MATTER OF TIME
The morning of the science competition was nice and sunny. Because the Patty Cakes parking lot was so large, it was being used to hold the competition. Plus, the volcano was so big it couldn’t be moved anyway. Freddy’s father had put the time travel machine on the back of a trailer and hauled it to the parking lot. Dozens of other kids and their parents were showing up with their science projects. It became clear quickly, though, that the volcano was the one to beat.
“Hi, Harold,” said Freddy as he passed by the volcano where Harold was putting on some finishing touches.
“Hey, Freddy. My mom baked a bunch of goodies for everybody. You should go get some.”
“I can smell them from here. Good luck in the competition.”
“Good luck to you too, Freddy.”
Freddy walked over to Mrs. Pumpernickel and got some cookies. At that instant the Fries showed up along with Howie. The Fries weren’t wearing their disguises because they’d been entertaining the crowd like they did at the Burger Castle.
“They just love seeing me and Meese floating like ballons,” said Si. “We’re the best.”
“Speak for yourself,” moaned Meese. “I’m not the best, I’m the worst.”
Wally sniffed the aroma of Mrs. Pumpernickel’s cooking and rubbed his belly.
“OOOOHHHH BBBOOYY! Me love everything in the whole world.”
He grabbed a bunch of cookies, two cakes, and four pies, and would have eaten everything else including the table the food was on if Freddy hadn’t stopped him.
“Okay, guys,” said Freddy. “It’s time to get to work.”
They headed over to the time machine. Standing near it was an elderly woman. As they drew closer Freddy recognized her. It was Mildred Maraschino.
“Quite an interesting machine you have here,” she said.
“Thanks, Ms. Maraschino,” said Freddy.
“I see you found a use for the thing you borrowed,” she said, pointing at the gyroscope on top of the time machine.” She paused and asked, “So what exactly does it do?”
“Well, actually, it’s kind of based on some plans of Silas Finklebean’s that we found,” explained Freddy.
“I was hoping you would say that,” said Ms. Maraschino.
“What?” asked Freddy.
“I wish you the very, very best of luck, Freddy,” she said, smiling. “Goodbye.” As she quickly walked off, Freddy stared after her until his gaze caught on something else. Across from the time machine, Stewie and Adam Spanker were standing proudly in front of the volcano while a photographer from the Pookesville Tattler took their picture. All around the volcano Adam’s gang was positioned, armed with paintball guns.
Freddy looked angry. “They don’t even have Harold in the picture, and he did all the work.”
“And look at Adam’s goons all over the place,” added Howie.
However, Freddy wasn’t listening. “Nanny Boo-Boo?” He said as he stared at the person walking up to him. She was wearing a long trench coat with the collar turned up and big sunglasses. She slid the glasses down her nose, and Freddy saw that it was indeed his sister.
“Why are you dressed like that?” he asked.
In her British accent she said, “You silly boy, so my fans won’t recognize me. Do you realize how hard it is for someone like me to go out in public?”
“Yeah, well, it’s not so easy on the public either,” said Freddy.
“Hmmpphh! I guess I have to be somewhat nice to you since you did build me a wonderful theater and museum. But remember, you unimportant little peon, my good nature does have its limit,” she added, and flounced off.
Alfred Funkhouser joined them. “It’s going to be hard to beat that volcano, son.”
“Don’t worry, Dad, after I take the judges on a little trip we’ll have this contest in the bag.”
“Look!” yelled Si. “They’re about to make the volcano erupt.”
Freddy looked at Howie and winked.
“Boy, the Spankers are in for a real surprise,” said Freddy.
Harold stood off to one side holding a remote control while Adam held up his hand and faced the crowd. “And now I will have my very junior and very inexperienced assistant push the button on that… um … thingie to make the volcano … um … blow up.”
“Do you mean this electronic digitized wireless remote transponder unit that’s required to engage the eruption phase of the volcano?” asked Harold with a little grin as he held up the device.
“Yeah!” snapped Adam with a menacing glare at Harold. Then he turned back, gave the crowd a wide, fake smile, and said in a pleasant voice, “Yes, exactly, junior assistant. I should know, since I invented it, as well as this.” He swept his arm in the direction of the towering volcano as the crowd applauded.
“Okay, here we go,” said Harold, and he pushed a button on the remote control.
At first there was nothing except some tiny gurgles. The next sound was a groan and not a very loud one. The crowd started getting antsy and Adam looked angrily at Harold. But then came a huge GROAN, like an elephant with a bellyache, and Adam started grinning. Next, the ground started to vibrate, and people in the crowd began eyeing each other nervously.
An instant later came a spine-tingling shriek from the volcano, like a thousand infants wanting a bottle of milk. Terrified kids in the crowd jumped into their parents’ arms. After that, the volcano shook and quivered like it was trying to hold something back but couldn’t.
Everyone in the crowd screamed when a huge wave of purple goop burst out of the volcano’s top and shot thirty feet into the air, coating a flock of birds passing by.
Ziggy turned to Wally and said, “Hey, that looks like you when you’ve had too much to eat.”
Wally watched with wide eyes at this purple tidal wave. “OOOHHH, I think I’m in love.”
They all stared as the purple goop exploded up, up, up, and then suddenly turned and shot directly at the Patty Cakes restaurant.
“NOOO!” screamed Stewie Spanker. He was standing in front of the restaurant and the purple goop hit him so hard he was swept away. The purple wave kept on going, covering every square inch of the Patty Cakes, and then the volcano fell silent.
Howie and Freddy looked at each other worriedly. “Oh, boy,” said Freddy, “Did I mess up when I aimed the goop?”
Adam was still standing there, his stupid fake smile frozen on his lips. Finally, he looked over at the now-purple Patty Cakes, saw his purple father struggling to stand up, and then pointed a fat finger at Freddy and roared, “This is your doing, Funky Funkerhouser! You messed up my science project and now I’m going to destroy you!” He turned and spotted his gang in the stunned crowd. “Get ’em,” yelled Adam.
Spanker’s gang surged forward with their paintball guns.
“Uh-oh,” said Freddy. “Something tells me this is not going to be good.”
“Good? We’re going to die,” said Howie. “And even worse, I’m almost out of cheese cubes.”
Alfred Funkhouser stepped forward and held up his hands to the charging gang.
“Now, boys …”
They flew right past him.
Stewie Spanker staggered out of the purple swamp his restaurant had become and roared, “I want all the Funkhousers arrested.”
“What for?” said a stunned Alfred.
“For turning my restaurant purple and sticky, that’s what, you maniac!”
Suddenly Nancy Funkhouser shot in front of Adam’s gang. She put up a hand and spoke in a very deep, dramatic voice.
“I beseech you to cease and desist your barbaric behavior. When good confronts evil there can only be one outcome. Good shall triumph like a thunderbolt from the sky. So again, I implore you to rethink your evil ways and turn your actions instead toward the good of all.”
“Turn this!” yelled one of Spanker’s gang and he nailed Nancy in the face with a green paintball. The gang raced on toward Freddy, Howie, and the Fries.
“AAAHHH!” yelled Howie and Freddy as they turned and ran, along with the terrified Fries.
“OhboyIdon’tthinkwe’regoingtogetaway,” mumbled Curly.
“Yeah, it looks like we’re dead meat for sure,” said Si cheerfully.
“Doomed, doomed, doomed,” moaned Meese. “And I’m so young.”
“Yeah, and I’m so good-looking,” said Si. “But you don’t hear me complaining.”
“This way, guys,” yelled Freddy as the Spanker gang closed in.
Freddy had a way out of this, the only way out, in fact. He reached the time machine and popped open the hatch. “Get in!” he yelled.
“But we can’t all fit,” said Howie.
“Oh, yes we can,” boomed Wally. He scooped all of them up as he ran forward and an instant later they all were all crammed inside the machine.
“Quick, close the hatch,” yelled Freddy, who was smooshed against the other side and couldn’t reach the control.
Theodore managed to stretch out his arm and hit the button. The hatch closed an instant before the Spanker gang reached it.
“Ready, aim, fire!” roared Adam.
The gang fired their paintballs at the time machine, but they did no damage.
“Ha-ha,” laughed Howie. “You guys can’t touch us.”
Wally, who was closest to the control panel, started poking at the buttons and switches.
“Wally,” said Theodore, “whatever you do, do not hit the button marked GO.”
“What, this one?” said Wally as he pressed that very button.
“AAAAHHHHH!” they all yelled as the machine raced off to somewhere in time.