Chapter 12

The next morning, the New York Post newspaper headlines read: BEAUTY SAVAGELY BEATEN AND LEFT FOR DEAD. COPS SUSPECT DRUG DEAL GONE BAD.

After I laid in a pool of my own blood for more than two hours, Taj had finally came home and discovered the gruesome scene in which Pam and her chicks had left me. I was taken to New York University Hospital and was immediately taken into surgery. I spent almost six hours in the operating room.

Envy, greed and deception had left me clinging to life with four broken ribs; a broken pelvic; a cracked skull; my nose had been crushed; I had lost eight teeth, lost hearing in my left ear and lost my eye sight. The doctor‘s informed told Taj that is was a miracle that I was alive and that they didn‘t expect me to make it

through the surgery. But I had. I was fighting.
I was fighting for the life that was ahead with Taj.
Fighting for another opportunity to say ―I love you,‖ and
fighting to hug Madison. There was no way that fate had this
planned for me. I could not accept that without any warning,
I had so quickly and violently approached the end of my road.

* * *

For the first five days Taj never left my bedside. He wouldn‘t let the nurses bathe me. He did that. He had developed a routine, he would start the day brushing my hair, then he would lotion my body, massage my legs, and at least three times a day he would change my socks. Then, he would put on the cartoons. When Jimmy Neutron came on he would always turn up the volume. I don‘t know why, but I loved watching Jimmy Neutron. Before I got hurt, sometimes out of the blue I would walk up to Taj and say, ―Gotta blast!‖ He would always laugh and say, ―Yeah, I gotta go. Storm, you know you crazy right?‖

Rick, Rosa and Taj‘s mother would occasionally come to visit and to relieve him, but he would always refuse to leave. Although I was unconscious and I couldn‘t speak to Taj, I could hear him speak to me. He didn‘t know it, but his words, his presence, and his love wrapped around me like a warm blanket and comforted me.

At the end of the day, Taj would read me an article out of one of my favorite magazines. Then he would play my favorite music. Sometimes he would put Jay Z andBeyoncé‘, Bonnie & Clyde on repeat. Taj and I often referred to that song as our anthem. On the outside I am sure that he appeared to be holding it down.

He had a bodyguard placed outside of my hospital room twenty-four hours a day. Taj had the streets on lockdown and within two hours of finding me and ultimately discovering that Pam had committed that violation against me, he ordered a hit on her. Less than twenty-two hours later, Pam was found dead in a dumpster on Bushwick Avenue in Brooklyn. Every bone in her body had been broken.

* * *
Like I said, on the outside Taj was in control. Nothing scared him. Yet, on the inside my man was falling apart.

Taj reached for my hand and held it tightly. Then he began to cry. I wanted desperately to hold him and tell him that I was going to be okay. I wanted to remind him of my past, on how much turmoil and pain that I had already overcame. Even though I was only 125 pounds, I was strong and I was gonna make it. We were gonna make it.

Suddenly, I could feel my breathing becoming shallow. Although I was very young when I lived with my mother, I still vividly remember her explaining to me what happens to your body when you are about to die. I remember because I was always intrigued with the passage of death...intrigued because I didn‘t understand why and how.

I felt Taj come closer to me. Then he began to speak to me. He started off in a whisper. ―Baby, it‘s alright. I know what you‘re doing. I know you trying to hold on for me—for us,‖ Taj

paused and I could hear him lick his lips, the way he always did when he was bothered, nervous or sad. ―Oh, man. I can‘t believe this shit. But it‘s alright. I‘m gonna be okay. I promise, I‘ll take care of myself and you know you don‘t have to worry about Madison. I‘ll take care of her.‖ Taj broke down crying like a newborn baby. ―Storm, baby, I love you. I‘m gonna always love you, Storm. I never ever loved anyone the way that I love you. I don‘t know why…I don‘t know why God is taking you from me right now. And I ain‘t gonna ever understand why you had to suffer like this, baby. But, uh…but…I…I know I gotta let you go.

―Everybody…everybody keep telling me that you are holding on for me. You know what I‘m saying? And I…I…I need to let you know that it‘s okay…that I’m okay. That our dreams, and our love it don‘t end here. It doesn‘t end like this. We gonna finish this, boo. We gonna finish, I can promise you that. You know, I don‘t ever start something and don‘t finish it.

―I know you don‘t believe in the other side, but I hope and pray to God that over the past week you have made some kinda peace with God. You gotta make peace with God so that we can be together. Storm, you gotta forgive, so that we can finish what we have. I‘ve accepted that we gonna have to finish it in Heaven. And no, it‘s not how I wanted it and boo, you know I hate it when I‘m not in control, but I‘ll take anything…anything just as long as I can be with you.‖

I wanted to tell Taj, I was fighting back. I couldn‘t leave him like this. I couldn‘t leave him wondering. I wanted so badly to be in his arms. In his arms is where I felt safe.

I tried to move my hands. I couldn‘t. Then I tried to just move one finger. I concentrated on the finger that he was rubbing—my index finger.

―Baby, you hear me? You hear me don‘ t you? I knew it! I knew you could hear me. Boo, if you can hear me, move your finger again? Come on ma, you can do it. I know you can do it.‖

I decided to concentrate on the index finger once again. Slowly I was able to move it again.
―Storm,‖ Taj cried out ecstatically.

The joy in his voice made me feel that at the moment I could do anything. I immediately commanded my body to sit up, move, walk, and jump. Nothing happened. So I decided to focus on one thing at a time. I realized I had to take it slow. I began to focus on opening my eyes. I felt them open slow— very slow. Then they closed. Then they opened again. But I couldn‘t see. No matter which direction that I moved my eyeballs, I only saw total blackness. I panicked and wanted to tell Taj. I had to tell Taj that I couldn‘t see.

I tried to speak but I was unable--there was a large tube in my mouth. I turned my focus once again on my hands. Somehow, I had to gain the strength to move my hand. I needed to tell Taj to take that tube out of my mouth. I needed to tell him that even though my eyes were open, I couldn‘t see him.

―Storm,‖ Taj sniffled. ―I‘m here,‖ he added. ―I‘m right here, baby.‖ Suddenly, I heard footsteps. Someone had walked into my hospital room. From the sound of the heels, it was a woman—an overweight woman.

The room smelled like a florist. There were roses to the left of me and to my right there must have been an exotic arrangement and somewhere nearby in the room there was eucalyptus. There may have even been a few stems placed in the exotic arrangement. Right above my head, I heard the sound of a fluorescent light hum and steady flicker. Next to the roses, I heard a machine beep then pause, then beep again.

I also heard noises coming from the doorway. Some were stronger than the others. There were people walking by, machines beeping, and telephones were constantly ringing. I was already teaching my right ear to become my eyes.

The woman had walked to where Taj stood and I could feel her presence at the foot of my bed. ―My wife just spoke. Get a doctor in here right now. RIGHT NOW!‖ I heard her heels quickly click and clatter away, until they faded with the rest of the noise, and blended with the hustle and bustle in the hospital corridor.

* * *

It had been four days since I had been taken off of the respirator. I had developed an infection and ran a fever for almost two straight days. It appeared that I wasn‘t going to make it through this battle. I would put my foot inside death‘s door, but something or someone kept me from giving up and walking all the way in.

I smelled candles burning--my favorite, vanillaroma and peaches and cream scented. The room was so peaceful. I knew Taj was there but he didn‘t speak to me. Maybe he is sleep. Just let him sleep, Storm.He must have read my mind. ―I‘m not sleep. I was just laying here watching how beautiful you are.‖ ―Laying?‖ I asked.
Taj chuckled. ―Yeah, the nurses got me a cot. I guess

they saw I wasn‘t trying to go anywhere, so they bought this in to me earlier this afternoon.‖

―Oh, baby. I‘m so sorry. I want you to go home tonight and get a good night‘s rest. You ain‘t gonna be no good for me, ifyou don‘t get any rest.‖

I heard the cot creek, then Taj‘s bare feet walking toward me. ―As long as you have to sleep in here, I‘m gonna sleep here and be with you. I‘m not gonna leave you, Storm. I don‘t care what…I‘m never gonna leave you.‖ His last words seem to be speaking of something deeper than just leaving me in the hospital alone.

―What about the club though? You know if niggas don‘t see you they start thinking you getting weak on them.‖
―I‘ve been checking on the club. Everything is fine. I went by there last night. Don‘t worry about nothing, Storm. I got everything under control. Just take care of you. Concentrate on getting yourself stronger so you can get out of here and go home. Madison is missing you.‖

―Ah…and I miss her, too. I just wanna hug her.‖ I started to fight back my tears.
―It‘s okay,‖ Taj
reassured. ―Taj?‖ I
whispered. ―Yeah.‖

―Can you please lay next to
me?‖ ―Of course.‖
First, Taj walked over to the CD and pressed play. Bonnie & Clyde, started to play. Then he climbed into the bed, gently he

lifted me up and placed my body close to his. In my mind, I could picture him so clearly. His perfect smile, and his beautiful brown skin. Slowly Taj glided, and then I glided. I cried, and then he cried. He sang and then he rocked until I fell asleep.

* * *

The next morning, Taj did his daily morning routine. Once he was done, Taj told me that he had to take care of a few things. A few minutes later Rick came in and relieved Taj.

―Hey, baby girl. How you feeling today?‖ Rick asked. ―I‘m okay.‖ I grunted, ―I‘m just a little sore today.‖ ―Have you taken your medicine already?‖ ―Uh-huh.‖
―Good. Can they give you anything for the soreness?‖ ―I don‘t know. I‘ll be okay. Maybe it‘s the way I slept

last night. I would do anything for a nice warm bubble bath.‖

I heard Rick fumbling with a plastic bag. I smelled fried chicken.
―What‘s that? Is that KFC you eating?‖

―Nah, Popeye‘s. I couldn‘t find any KFC near here.‖ ―Oh.‖
―Oh, my bad. You want some? They still got you on

that liquid diet don‘t they?‖
―No. I can eat solid food now. But no, I don‘t want
none. Taj and I ate breakfast not too long ago. What time is
it? Ain‘t it too early to be eating lunch?‖

―It‘s 11:30. You know I don‘t eat breakfast though.‖ ―Oh, that‘s right. I forgot that.‖

―I‘m sorry, Storm.‖
―Nah, it‘s okay. You don‘t have to keep apologizing Rick. It ain‘t your fault that this has happened to me. You can‘t help that I have trouble remembering things. I‘m getting better though.‖

―I know. I‘m proud of you, you know that right? I know you a fighter though.‖
―I don‘t know about that. How is Taj doing Rick?‖

―He‘s fine, Storm. You know he can take care of himself. Don‘t worry about Taj. Just worry about getting betta, baby. That‘s all.‖

―I gotta worry about him. I don‘t want him running himself raggedy. He don‘t deserve this. He don‘t deserve having to worry about taking care of me...spending the rest of his life taking care of a blind woman that he probably get sick to his stomach looking at anyway.‖

―Girl, what are you talking about?‖
―I‘m talking about the way I look. I can feel my face. I may not be able to see it, but I can feel it. It feels ugly.‖

― Storm, you still the same beautiful woman you were before the accident. The only thing that is different about you is right now you can‘t see. That‘s it.‖

I knew he was telling a lie. But his lie comforted me. ―Right now? Forever you mean? For the rest of my life?‖

―You can‘t say that Storm. I mean look at you. The doctors didn‘t expect you to make it through the surgery. You a fighter. You gonna defy all the odds—believe me. And before you know it, you gonna be your old self again. Driving everybody crazy. Cursing everybody out. And then, when you are all betta, you and Taj gonna get married.‖

―I hope so.‖

―I know so. And when you do, I‘m gonna sing at the wedding.‖
―I‘m gonna hold you to that.‖

Amidst the hustle, and the noise in the hospital corridor, I heard a different walk, I smelled a different scent.
―Is that-‖

Madison came running into my room, licking me, crying and barking. Taj walked over to my bedside and lifted me up. Madison jumped on the bed.

―Taj, how did you manage to bring her in here?‖ ―You know I can make things happen. Especially when it come to you.‖
I played with Madison for almost fifteen minutes. Then we said our goodbyes and Rick took her back home.
* * *
―Thank you, Taj. I can‘t believe you managed to get

Madison up in here like that.‖
―No problem, baby. You know I would do anything for
you.‖
―You know sometimes I get so angry because I don‘t
understand why this had to happen to me. But then I look at you,
you are unbelievable. There is no other man that can even stand
next to you. I‘m so proud of you. I don‘t have many good men to
compare you to but I know that they don‘t make men like you.‖ ―Storm, ain‘t nothing I‘m doing that the next man
wouldn‘t do for you. You make a nigga just wanna hand you
the world. You do it to me. You bring out the best of me.‖ I suddenly became quiet.
―Taj?‖ ―Yes, Storm.‖
―I‘m scared.‖
―I know. I know you are,
ma.‖ ―Taj?‖
―Yes, Storm.‖ ―Am
I still pretty?‖
Taj kissed me on the cheek and worked his way to my
lips. ―Storm Williams, you are beautiful.‖

* * *

In the middle of the night, I heard the cot squeaking. Taj would get up and walk back and forth. I would hear him typing on his two-way. Then he would take the remote control and flick through the channels. I had been suffering with a headache the entire day. The pain medication had me pretty groggy but I had to shake out of it and find out what was bothering Taj.

―Taj,‖ I whispered softly.

―Yeah, Storm. What‘s the matter? You in pain or something?‖
―No, I‘m okay.‖

―You gotta go to the bathroom? You need me to bring your bed pan? You want some cold water?‖

―No. What‘s the matter with
you?‖ ―With me?‖
―Yeah.‖
―Nothing. Ain‘t nothing wrong with me. Why you say

that?‖
―I hear you, Taj. I hear you walking, pacing, twisting and turning. I know you. What‘s wrong?‖
―I just can‘t
sleep.‖ ―Why?‖

―I don‘ t know. It bothers me watching you suffer like this. I mean, you cried all day because of those damn headaches. Yo, I hate this. I hate not being able to make this betta. I feel like a failure because not only wasn‘t I there to protect you…to stop this from happening to you, I can‘t take away your pain. It‘s hard, Storm. I hate watching you going through this…if it‘s not the headaches, it‘s the fever. If it‘s not the fevers, it‘s the infection. Why?‖

―I‘m sorry.‖

―I‘m sorry, Storm. My bad. I shouldn‘t be acting like this.‖
―You are only human, Taj. You need to let out your frustration, too. It‘s not good to keep everything in. Stop worrying. I‘m gonna be fine and then I‘m gonna be able to take care of you. Come here, hold my hand.‖
―Um…I was thinking.‖
―About what?‖
―Don‘t get mad at me for bringing this up. I‘m just gonna throw it out there…you don‘t have to agree with me or nothing like that.‖
―What,Taj?‖ I asked concerned.
―Why don‘t you let me look and see if I can find your mother or something?‖
―My mother? Why the hell did you bring her up? My mother is probably dead somewhere.‖
―You don‘t know that Storm.‖
―You right, I don‘t know that. I don‘t care to know either. If she ain‘t dead. She might as well be.‖
―I didn‘t bring it up to upset you. I just thought that maybe now was the time you needed her. Maybe you need to talk to her.‖
―Taj, I appreciate you. I appreciate you looking out for me and standing by me and everything but I don‘t need my mother. I needed my mother years ago. I needed my mother when I was sucking dicks just to eat. That‘s when I needed my mother. Yeah, I needed my mother when I stole food to eat; when I had to eat raw spaghetti for breakfast and vanilla frosting for dinner. That‘s when I needed my mother. The only thing I need right now is to see again. That‘s it. You are my mother, my father, my man, my world. I don‘t need that part of my life back.‖
―I‘m just saying. I just feel bad.‖
―Taj, feel bad about what? That I don‘t have no family coming to visit me?‖
―Yeah.‖
―But I do. You are my family, Rick is my family, Rosa…well, Rosa is my family when she ain‘t getting on my damn nerves.‖ We both chuckled.
―You sure, Storm?‖
―I‘m positive. I‘m fine.‖
―Sometimes I just feel so helpless.‖
―Taj you are what brought me back from death‘s door. Don‘t you know that? How can you sit there and say that?‖
―Storm, you always have a way of making me feel like I can conquer the world.‖
I heard rain tapping at the windows. ―Is that
rain?‖ ―Yes, it‘s suppose to rain for the next
three days.‖ ―I hate it when it rains.‖
―I know you do. I always think of you and smile when it rains. Because I know how much you always fuss when it does rain.‖
―Taj, can you carry me to the
window?‖ ―Huh? What for?‖
―Please.‖
―Storm, you know betta.‖
―Taj, I‘ll be fine.‖
―Why? You don‘t like the rain. We just finished talking about that.‖
―I know. But for some reason, I wanna be close to the outdoors. You know I love the outdoors. Especially when it‘s hot out.‖
Taj let the guardrail carefully down, wrapped me in the blanket and then he carried me next to the window and sat me on his lap.
I placed my hand on the window. I could feel the cold. I could feel the water hit the glass. The window would faintly vibrate each time the rain hit it.
―What are you thinking about?‖
―I‘m thinking about the beach, the sun, and the sand.‖
―Do you remember telling me that you had a dream that we were married on the beach?‖
―No.‖
―You don‘t remember telling me that you dreamt that we had gotten married on the beach and that Rick had sung for us?‖
―No. That‘s funny you said that ‗cause he told me today that he is gonna sing for our wedding. I didn‘t even know that Rick could even sing.‖
―That‘s what you said when you told me about the dream and I told you he could sing.‖
―Did you tell him about the dream?‖
―Yeah, when you first got hurt I told
him.‖ ―Oh, then that‘s why he said
that. Taj?‖ ―Yeah, ma.‖
―If you still wanna marry me—‖
―What you mean if I still wanna marry you? Why you talking crazy?‖
―I mean, it‘s not crazy. I can‘t see. Do you wanna spend the rest of your life with a woman that can‘t take care of herself?‖
―I‘m not gonna spend the rest of my life with a woman that can‘t take care of herself. You know why? Because this situation right here is temporary. You ain‘t gonna always be this way. I give you my word—‖
I interrupted him. ―How can you give me your word on that?‖
―Because I can, that‘s how. I give you my word that one day you will see again.‖
―Taj please don‘t tell me that. There is no way you can guarantee me that.‖
―Let‘s stop talking about it. Are you ready to get back in the bed?‖
―No, not yet. Just a few more minutes then I‘ll be
ready.‖ ―Okay.‖
―Taj, I hope that you are right. ‗Cause I don‘t like the darkness. I don‘t want to spend the rest of my life like this. I don‘t wanna die. But I don‘t wanna live without being free.‖ Then Taj held me tightly.
―We gonna beat this.‖
―Taj, you ever thought about having kids?‖
―Yeah, I used to think of it sometime. But I know you wasn‘t ready for that, so I don‘t bring it up. I mean you said you don‘t like kids.‖
―You can‘t always keep your dreams a secret to make me happy.‖
―Well, one day, I guess when you are ready I planned on bringing it up.‖
―I want a child. Maybe we can have two kids. I want two boys. Because the world deserves more men like you.‖