Acknowledgements

To my beautiful children: Thank you for loving me unconditionally, for sacrificing ―our‖ time and understanding that to whom much is given, much is required. I am so blessed! Mommy (my northern star), even in your grief, you reached out to others, you still gave your love, you still managed to smile, and you continued to give God the glory. There is no other woman in the world like you, and I am so proud that you are my mother. To my siblings: Jermaine, Ronald ―Ronnie, Jr.,‖ and Jennifer: Y‘all complete my circle. I LOVE YOU!!!

I must thank the following people: James Smith, the Bradley, Baker, Wilson, Crisp, Cox, Young, Tranum, Welcome and Woodley families, Gwendolyn Thomas, Bolling, Richard at God!), Chavon Thompson, Vernon Harrison, Jr., Bettie Watkins, Lonnie McKinstry, LisaRenae Johnson, and Denise Hanney.

―Rick‖ Baker, Lonnel Lewis, Tracy Matos, Angela Smith, Jeannean ―Nee Nee‖ Ross, Yolonda Wilson, Kodzina ―Koddy‖ Griffin (Look

To my writer friends for your support and love: Nathasha Brooks-Harris, C. Rene West, and Danielle Santiago. To Richmond‘s 106.5 The Beat‘s mid-day mommie, Mahogany Brown, and Marc Medley of 93.7 FM in New Jersey for your continued support.

Special thanks to Brother James Muhammad for staying on me, allowing me to join your family and share your vision. I know that I tested your patience. I hope that the final project was worth it. Your honesty is a rarity in this industry. It is so much appreciated.

I could not have created this work without my cousin, Timothy ―Tim‖ Baker. Thank you for assisting me with the research and most of all your support and ear no matter what hour of the day I called. This is it…for real, boo!

Love and blessings to the courageous sisters whom I have been blessed to meet during my visits at domestic violence shelters, I know first hand your plight; remember that God is a deliverer. To my brothers on lock down (especially Todd, Jay, and Andre) your letters have touched my life, too. Hugs to my loyal readers and fans, you continue to inspire me with your emails.

Laboring and giving birth to this project was the most challenging yet. In less than five months, I suddenly lost three significant people in my life. Writing, the natural process that usually heals my soul was impossible to do. The words danced in my head, the characters spoke, but my heart was broken and I lost the passion to create. With that said, I give honor to the following

people that have went on to Glory for allowing their spirits to comfort me when I needed them the most: To a true Queen…Akua Pace: Thank you for being the sister that my mother needed. You were the epitome of what a woman should be. The world is missing your beautiful spirit. Jeffrey ―Jay‖ Lewis (my hero): Recently, I had to mourn you all over again and it hurt just like the very first time. Fly free and in peace, Crystal Bowers: you have earned your wings. And to my Daddy: The handsome, brave and talented man that shook things up on this earth. I know you are watching and protecting me, I feel your spirit when I need you the most. Still, I would do anything to have you sitting next to me right now. I hope you know how proud I was of you…I still am. Love you, Ton.

Peace and blessings,
Tonya Blount
[email protected]
The streets don‘t got no soul…so I trust no bitch! Storm Williams

Prologue

―Why do you care so much?‖ I shouted. ―Why do you care why I have chosen this life? I mean you keep talking about what made me choose this path…what made me take this road? What makes you think I chose it? How do you know that itdidn‘t choose me?‖

―You‘re right. I don‘t know,‖ the interviewer responded. ―Why don‘t you tell me?‖
―You got to know where I‘ve been to know who I am,‖ I replied in a voice filled with rage. ―Why the hell do you care?‖
―I care because I am a woman of God,‖ the interviewer replied. ―The word says, the Lord asks how can you love me and you have never seen me and not love your neighbor. So-‖
―Didn‘t I tell you before I don‘t want to hear that shit?‖

TONYA BLOUNT

I interrupted. ―I ain‘t tryin‘ to hear that. If that‘s all you got to talk about then you can get the hell out of here. I don‘t need to hear that shit right now. It ain‘t gonna help me.‖

―Okay, then what do you think will help you?‖ ―What‘s gonna help me? What‘s gonna help me is getting out of here…this hospital bed and make me better, so I can go home. Tell yourGod to do that. Can He do that?‖ Suddenly a thick cloud of bitterness filled the air.
―Yes, He can,‖ she answered softly.
I turned my head away. ―Uh, huh…I bet.‖

―Why are you so bitter and angry with the Lord?

What happened to you?‖
―Oh, so now what…youcan‘t see?‖
―This…your anger, and your bitterness transcends

beyond why you are here now. It‘s deeper than this moment.‖ My lips began to twitch. How could she know?―It don‘t matter.‖
―Yes, it does. Please tell me what happened to you.‖

―Why should I?‖ I snapped. ―I don‘t know you. Tell me why the fuck should I trust you?‖
―Because somewhere deep inside…you want to let it go,‖ the interviewer answered patiently. ―I know you do. You want to let go of the pain that has held you in captivity. You need to free yourself,‖ the interviewer took my hand. ―You need to speak to the Lord and tell Him why you‘re angry.‖
I turned my head to face her and mumbled, ―Ain‘t shit to say.‖
―I don‘t believe that. In fact, I think the opposite. I believe you have a lot you want to say.‖

CHA-CHING

―I don‘t give a damn what you believe!‖
―Storm, you can lay there and cuss, and be mean all you want…I‘m not going anywhere today until you tell me. You are not going to scare me away.‖ She gently took my hand and placed it in hers. ―So you might as well start talking. Go on…tell me what happened the day you believe that God stopped hearing you.‖
That last sentence had quickly opened up the floodgate of my memory, the painful memory attached to a past I had tried to forget -- one that had scarred me the last 14 years of my life. That tragic day that marked the beginning of it. In an instant, I was eleven years old again. I carefully licked my lips, took a deep breath and finally shared my history.