Chapter 6

I turned over and snuggled closer to Taj, then kissed him on the back of his neck. ―Why are you up so early?‖
―I couldn‘t sleep…my stomach hurts,‖ Taj answered.

I put my hands on his stomach and began to rub it. ―What‘s the matter?‖

―I think it was that Mexican food we had last night. I can‘t be messing with you, Storm. You always trying to eat different shit.‖

―I‘m sorrreee. I thought you like trying different things.‖

―Yeah,‖ Taj grimaced, ―but my stomach ain‘t trying to have it.‖
I climbed out of the bed. ―I‘ll go make you a cup of
tea.‖ ―I don‘t want no tea.‖
―Why you trying to give me a hard time this morning?‖ ―Storm, come on now.‖
―Come on now what?‖
―Okay…okay. I‘ll take a cup of tea. Damn,
girl.‖ ―And a slice of toast…and some Pepcid.‖
Taj laughed and yelled out as I walked out the room. ―I don‘t need another mother.‖
―And I ain‘t trying to be one. By the way, your mother said to call her.‖
―When she call here?‖
―Early this morning. She said it wasn‘t
important…just checking on you.‖
―A‘ight, I‘ll call her later.‖
The phone began to ring.
―I can‘t find the other cordless phone in here,‖ I yelled from the kitchen. ―Answer the phone.‖
―It‘s Pam.‖
―Okay. I‘m coming,‖ I said walking toward the
bedroom. ―Here,‖ Taj said handing me the telephone.
―Hey, what‘s up?‖
―Girl, you know I had mad drama yesterday,‖ Pam
said. ―What happened?‖ I asked.
―I was in Circuit City and opened up a
joint.‖ ―Hold up…where you at?‖
―I‘m on the Turnpike.‖
―You ain‘t back home yet?‖
―Nah, Shade wanted to stop by her family house in Maryland first. We ended up staying the night there.‖
―So you had drama yesterday in Circuit City but you just telling me today?‖
―Storm, I tried calling you about five times yesterday.‖
―Pam, I checked my voicemails…and I ain‘t have not one message from you.‖
―I didn‘t leave a voicemail.‖
―Then you didn‘t call.‖
―I did call.‖
―I said if you ain‘t leave no message, you ain‘t call. And if you couldn‘t reach me on one of the cell phones why didn‘t you try and two-way me? I mean what‘s the point of me buying you all that shit to keep in touch with me if you ain‘t gonna use none of it?‖
―I tried to direct connect you…and you ain‘t answer that either. Itkept saying, ‗the Nextel customer you are trying to reach—‖
―Whatever, Pam. I‘m not even gonna keep going back and forth with you on this. You didn‘t call and you know you didn‘t!‖
―Storm, how you gonna—‖
I quickly interrupted her. ―I said I‘m finished. Now tell me what the fuck happened at Circuit City!‖
―Baby, calm down,‖ Taj whispered.
―Like I was saying, I went into Circuit City and opened up a joint. They gave me 10Gs. I bought a 35-inch plasma, and a couple of lap tops. I get to the register…and the bitch was ringing me up and all of sudden, she stopped to make a call. She wearing a funny look on her face and I know her ass is up to something. Then she said she had to verify some information. So, I‘m waiting

and waiting while she is doing her thing. She was on the phone so long that I knew something wasn‘t right. Next thing you know…I see a fake toy cop walking up front. So I just bounced. You know that ain‘t worth getting knocked for.‖

―So wait a minute…you ain‘t get shit?‖
―I did…I mean not at Circuit City. But I went to Best and got 10Gs from there.‖
―You must‘ve been sloppy, Pam. You let triflin‘ ass Shade through your game off.‖
―Storm, come on now, why you trippin‘? Ain‘t shit happen. I got the shit.‖
―I’m trippin‘? You know what? I ain‘t even doing this right now. Anyway, what else happened?‖

―Oh,‖ Pam‘s voice grew with excitement. ―I got 20Gs from Zelle‘s. Muhammad hooked me up! I racked up on some canary diamonds, tennis bracelets…and girl guess what I got for myself?‖

―What?‖
―Some Iced out boogas for my
ears.‖ ―Oh, yeah.‖

―Well, damn, what‘s up with that Storm? Didn‘t you say I could get something?‖
I chose to ignore her. ―Did you go to Macy‘s and get the gift cards?‖

―Yeah, I stopped at Crystal City. I got a stack of ones and few for five.‖

―I told you to get all of them for five. I ain‘t trying to waste no time with fifty dollar profits. Shit I spend that much on my stockings.‖ I sighed heavily. ―I guess I‘ll see you when you get back.‖

―Okay, I should be back around 12. I‘ma drop Shade off, then I‘ll come by your place.‖

―Nah. Call me first. I don‘t know where me and Taj gonna be today. I might have to just meet you somewhere.‖
―A‘ight. Is it still snowing there?‖

―I didn‘t know that it snowed. It wasn‘t snowing when I came in last night.‖
―Yeah, it‘s snowing here. I think New York supposed to get eight inches or something like that.‖
―Oh, that‘s why Madison so quiet this morning. She probably just sitting, and staring out the window.‖

―You ain‘t take her out for a walk
yet?‖ ―Nah, I‘m getting ready to do
that now.‖ ―Well, be careful out there.‖
―You, too.‖
―I‘ll call you when I get back in town.‖
―Hmmm, hmmm.‖ I slammed down the telephone.

Then I turned to Taj. ―She is starting to piss me off.‖ ―Just calm down. You know what you do when you
see her, just let her know that you don‘t like the way she
rolling lately. This is your show. You‘re the maestro of this
shit. Just put the bitch in her place. I told you a long time ago
to get rid of her ass. She be trying to take advantage ‗cause
she know y‘all cool. You need to put that friendship shit aside.
You can‘t do business and be friends with a bitch. Your shit is
too tight…she probably hating a little bit, you never know.‖ ―Black told me the same thing the other day.‖ ―What...about Pam?‖
―Yeah. He told me to be careful.‖
―I‘m not saying all of that. She ain‘t gonna cross you
or nothing like that. She ain‘t that crazy. But she probably
dragging her feet a little bit ‗cause she think she got it like
that. She probably getting a little comfortable you know? She
see you looking fine as shit sitting on your millions and she
think you can cross her legs, too.‖
―Well, whatever it is, I‘m nipping it today.‖ ―That‘s all you gotta do. Refresh her memory with the
rules.‖
The telephone rang.
―Hello,‖ I said.

The caller hung up. I looked at the Caller ID. It read ―Unknown.‖
―Who was that?‖

―I don‘t know. Those hang up calls are starting up again.‖

―Yo‘, why you looking at me like that? I ain‘t got nobody calling here hanging up on you.‖
―A guilty conscious needs no
accusing.‖ ―What?‖
―You heard what I said. This shit betta not be starting up again.‖
―Storm, why every fucking time somebody call and hang up, it‘s my fault?‖
―Because that is the shit yourbitches do.‖
―Bitches? One bitch…Denise. One mistake that you won‘t let a nigga live down.‖
―‘Cause the shit won‘t go away.‖
―Storm, I ain‘t talk to that girl in over a year. I wish you would stop bringing her ass up. You letting a bitch fuck up your head!‖
―You bought her up…I didn‘t.‖
―You ain‘t say her name but you brought her up. Listen, I ain‘t gonna argue with you over something that happened a year ago. I‘m getting in the shower.‖
―You ain‘t gonna drink your
tea?‖ ―You drink it!‖
I jumped off the bed and wrapped my arms around him. ―I‘m sorry.‖
―Let go of me.‖
―Taj, I said I‘m sorry.‖
―I‘m tired of that shit. I know you had a rough childhood and shit and I try and be patient with you because of that…but you be trippin‘. Your ass is pissed with Pam and you starting shit with me over a hang up call. I ain‘t have nothing to do with that. I told you a hundred times to get call intercept or whatever the hell that thing is. Then you won‘t have nobody calling here with a block number. You letting the bitch win ‗cause you sitting there spazin‘ over it and shit.‖
―Taj, baby, I‘m wrong.‖
―Storm, you gotta stop with the accusations. I ain‘t out there messing with nobody. That‘s the past. I know I hurt you and I ain‘t trying to put you through that shit again. What we got I can‘t get from anywhere. You gotta trust me.‖
―I do trust you.‖
―You don‘t.‖
―Can we just forget about it?‖
―You can‘t keep bringing that shit up,‖ Taj continued.
―I won‘t. I promise. Now let‘s stop talking about it. I‘ma go and take Madison for a walk.‖
―I‘ll do it. I looked out the window, its looks real bad out there.‖
―Thanks. I‘ll go and make us breakfast then.‖
―On second thought, you go ahead and walk Madison and I‘ll make the breakfast.‖
We both laughed. ―You ain‘t right,‖ I
said. Taj two-way began to vibrate.
―What‘s wrong?‖
―Nothing,‖ Taj said while typing. ―Rick wanted to know if I needed him.‖
―Where you going?‖
―I‘m not going anywhere, Storm. I just two-wayed the man back and told him he didn‘t have to worry about driving me anywhere today ‗cause I‘m chilling with my wife. You see what I mean?‖
―Go on and walk Madison.‖ Damn, I am trippin’.
While Taj was gone, I laid across the bed. I must have fallen asleep. Taj woke me up nibbling on my ear.
I‘m smiled and pulled him on top of me. ―You back?‖
―Yup,‖ Taj got up and pulled me up off of the bed. Come on let‘s go outside.‖
―Why?‖
―Let‘s go to Central Park. I see all the kids out there playing.‖
―I ain‘t trying to watch no kids play, Taj.‖ ―Why
you be acting like that Storm? Come on.‖

―You know I don‘t like snow and I ain‘t crazy ‗bout no kids.‖
―And I can‘t understand that shit either.‖
―I told you before my mother named me Storm because of a hurricane. She probably ain‘t know what the hell she was doing. Trust me it didn‘t have nothing to do with a snowstorm.‖
Taj pulled me out of the bed. ―Get
dressed.‖ ―I‘m tired.‖
―I said, get dressed. Come on now.‖

* * *

Taj and I had a good time. We played catch football and made angels in the snow. All the simple things I missed out doing as a child. Sometimes I had a hard time absorbing what a perfect man Taj was. Yes, he had his faults like the next man but Taj Anderson knew how to love Storm Williams. That in itself took perfection.

―Baby, you want some ice cream?‖ I called from the bedroom.
―Uhhh…did you pick up some Orange Sherbet?‖ Taj asked.
―Yeah.‖

―A‘ ight. You can give me a
little.‖ ―Okay.‖
―Ma, where‘s that lotion that I like? I don‘t see it.‖

―It‘s in there, Taj. Look in the closet there. It should be on the second shelf with all the other lotions and soap.‖
―I see it.‖
When I came back into the bedroom Taj was underneath the covers flipping channels.

―Here,‖ I said handing him the
bowl. ―Thanks. What you got?‖
―My usual.‖

―I don‘t know how you eat that…raw cookie dough mixed in with ice cream.‖

―It‘s good,‖ I declared positioning myself on his lap. ―When I was a kid I used to steal the Pillsbury cookie dough and eat it just like that. Sometimes it was breakfast, lunch and dinner. Miss LT used to call me Cookie because I loved it so much,‖ I chuckled.

―That‘s why I can‘t understand why you like it now. You should be tired of it.‖
―I did get tired of it for a while. I stopped eating it for a few years but now since they mixed it with the ice cream—‖

―That‘s like one summer I spent down south with my Aunt Carolyn, she used to love Fig Newton cookies. Man…that was the only kind of sweets she would bring into that house. I would eat so much of those cookies ‗til I end up getting sick one day and threw up all over the place. Since then I ain‘t never ate another Fig Newton.‖

We both laughed. ―I love listening to you talk about your childhood.‖
―Why?‖

―Because you can talk about it and laugh. Even when you talk about getting sick ‗cause you ate too many of those cookies…it wasn‘t ‗cause you didn‘t have no other choice but to eat that. You know what I mean? You have memories that make you smile.‖

―Storm, I wish I could take away what happened to you. All I can say is we‘re together now…and together we gonna make memories that will make the both of us smile.‖

I reached over and kissed him. ―Damn, I just love you, boo.‖
Ring Ring
―Don‘t answer that.‖
I glanced at the Caller ID. ―It‘s Pam. I need to take
it.‖ ―Put that phone down! It can wait ‗til
tomorrow.‖ ―Taj.‖
―Nah, we chilling tonight. I wanna talk.‖
I scooted to rest my back on the headboard. ―What‘s wrong? Why you got so serious all of the sudden?‖
Taj got out of the bed and started to roll up. ―Storm, we gotta talk about how you be flippin‘.‖
―What are you talking about?‖
―You not trusting me…being paranoid all the time and shit.‖
―I‘m not paranoid. You talking about what happened this morning?‖
―I‘m talking about this morning and what happens almost every time I go to the club…which you seem to forget is myclub. That‘s my bread and butter. I ain‘t going there to chill with my boys—I‘m there building. I‘m there working toward our future. Yet, you always accusing me and shit. I try to understand and be patient with you. I know you had a hard time and shit. But damn, baby, you gotta let it go.‖ ―What…so what you trying to leave me?‖
―Leave you? Storm, I‘m trying to love you. All of you. But you won‘t let a nigga love you.‖
―What are you saying? How am I stopping you from loving me?‖
―You got this shield around you…you let me in a little bit. But you always guarding yourself like you gotta be careful with me. You say you love me, but you ain‘t trusting me enough to love you.‖
―What do you want me to do? I mean, what do you want from me, Taj?‖
―I want you to open up,‖ Taj calmly replied. ―I want you to let me in…totally. If that means letting me in…let me in. Not a little bit, not when you think I won‘t judge you. All the time. I don‘t know what you‘re scared of but I‘m not gonna judge you, Storm. I want to love all of you, not just the part you feel comfortable sharing and showing me.‖
―What do you want to know?‖ I yelled. ―You wanna know how fucked up my life was? Huh? That‘s what you wanna to know? You already know that. You wanna know all about how I fucked to feed myself? Or, no…I know…you wanna know how I fucked and sucked dirty ol‘ men dicks to support my Aunt Hope and her dopefiend ass man habit. Right? And you wanna talk about love? Huh? Let‘s talk about how much love I got. Well…love for me was a holiday that was never celebrated. That was love. That was my life! But you know what? The bad that was interjected in me was for goodwill. Don‘t you agree?‖ I asked ferociously. ―Look at how successful I turned out to be. I‘ma

black hoe that got rich in the credit card game. I‘m the symbol of success…straight out of mothafuckin‘ Bushwick.‖

Taj sat with his mouth open. He may have suspected it, but until that moment he never knew how deeply layered the pain was, nor the ugly past that I harbored. ―I‘m…I‘m sorry,‖ Taj said choking back tears.

―What are you sorry for?‖ I wiped away the single tear that managed to escape from my eye. ―You ain‘t do nothing.‖
―You know what? Forget it. I don‘t want you to hurt like this.‖

―No, no. It‘s okay. I‘m fine. Maybe you‘re right. Maybe I need to talk about it and then maybe it‘ll stop hurting. I need to talk about the fact that other than Miss LT, ain‘t nobody ever give a fuck about me.‖

There was suddenly an awkward silence. ―What about your mother?‖

I chuckled in disgust. Then I took the blunt from Taj and took a couple of drags. ―You know, I never told you…my mother was a mortician.‖

―A mortician? Word? Stop playin‘.‘‖
―Yeah, I‘m serious.‖ I smiled. ―I was told that she always suffered from depression—but she was religious. I remember her taking me to church and singing hymns around the house. Aunt Hope always told me that we‘re not suppose to handle the dead-when they go that‘s it. We suppose to wrap their bodies and bury them. Being a mortician, you handle all these bodies and some of the spirits are bad—demonic. They say that one day Momma embalmed a man‘s body that had raped and killed about two or three little girls.
―Aunt Hope always said when Momma opened up his body--the demons jumped out of his soul and got a hold of Momma. After that, Momma cracked up and started messing with my father who was a drug pusher. I never knew his real name. In fact, I didn‘t know anything about him other than he supplied the dope that pushed Momma permanently into darkness.
―My mother was so smart, and beautiful, you know?‖ I said my voice cracking. ―She had smooth cooper-tone skin. I remember she was tall and had hazel eyes-like me.‖ I managed to smile at the gradually fading memory of her. ―But her eyes were prettier…more on the green side. She had a real thick scar on her hand that kinda looked like a lobster. I think my father pushed her into a glass door or something. And I remember she always wore a certain kind of perfume. I‘m not sure of the name, but I won‘t ever forget the smell. It was a soft and light scent. I‘ve only smelt it on one person before--an old lady on the bus was wearing it. Anyway, you know the rest…one Christmas she left to go to the grocery store and never came back.‖
Taj pulled me toward him and tightly embraced me. ―I‘m so sorry, boo, because you didn‘t deserve that childhood hell. And you sure don‘t deserve the life sentence of pain.‖