11

4 November

Lisa’s first thought was that she wanted to ring Mark. He’d know what to do, what to say. He didn’t have kids of his own but he always made things better with her kids. He’d been doing just that for a year now.

But she couldn’t call Mark. Yes, he’d said she should call if she needed anything. And yes, this was way more important than help with homework. But Lisa could not call. She had pushed Mark away. She had taken him for granted, just like Gill said. Even Carol had noticed Mark’s strengths before Lisa had. Now Lisa had noticed them, and it was too late.

She could not land this trouble at his door. Kerry wasn’t even his daughter.

Should Lisa call Keith? Kerry was Keith’s daughter. But Lisa knew that the idea of calling Keith was a joke. He didn’t return her calls when she wanted to talk to him about childcare over the half-term holiday. He was unlikely to return her calls over something so big. He wasn’t good with responsibility.

It was up to her, and her alone. That was OK. She was a good parent, but perhaps not good enough, considering her teenage daughter was pregnant. Lisa couldn’t help but blame herself. But Lisa was all Kerry had right now. So she’d have to do.

Lisa slowly climbed the stairs. It was the most terrible walk of her life. How had this happened? Had she let Kerry down? Had she failed to spot the signs that this was going to happen? But what were the signs she was supposed to look for?

A big, flashing one would have been handy.

Kerry was a bright, hard-working, kind girl. Yes, she had the odd teenage tantrum. There were moments when she was selfish with her brother or sister. There were times when she lost her temper, and she had lost her phone more times than Lisa could remember.

But Kerry wasn’t daft.

Although, clearly, she was.

Lisa had been thinking about herself too much, and not enough about Kerry. Lisa had been worrying what would happen when the kids left home. She should have been worrying about what was going on under her roof right now!

For example, where had Kerry been when Lisa was at the DIY classes? What was the name of Kerry’s boyfriend anyway? Was he her boyfriend? Wasn’t he supposed to be ‘hanging out’ with Chloe Jackson now?

Regret tore at Lisa’s heart. She loved being a mum. But it was hard work, harder work than anything else. She didn’t want her little girl to have to work that hard yet. She wanted Kerry to do A levels, to get a good job, to wear nice suits and fancy shoes.

But then grandchildren were a blessing. Weren’t they? Yes? No? Not like this?

Lisa didn’t know the answer, but she was standing outside Kerry’s bedroom door. She knew she had to go in there and seem as though she had some ideas at least. Ideas, if not answers.

Lisa knocked and then walked straight in.

Kerry was lying on her bed doing her homework. Lisa was about to say, ‘You should sit at your desk to do that. Your handwriting will be neater.’ That was what she always said when she found the kids doing their homework on their beds, or in front of the TV, or on their laps. She stopped herself. It didn’t matter how neat Kerry’s writing was, considering the situation. Kerry’s skinny body looked childlike and Lisa could not believe it was capable of carrying a baby.

Lisa looked around her daughter’s bedroom. It was the usual mess. There were clothes all over the floor. The walls were full of posters of boy-bands. There were books and dolls on the shelves next to bags of cheap make-up. Kerry hadn’t played with dolls for years. But she hadn’t got round to throwing them out either. The sight of the dolls made Lisa want to cry.

‘I know,’ said Lisa. She thought it was best to get straight to the point.

‘Know what?’ asked Kerry. ‘The answers to my homework? I doubt it. I’m doing equations.’

‘About the baby,’ said Lisa.

‘Finally!’ said Kerry. She didn’t sound scared, or ashamed or worried. She sounded relieved.

Lisa thought that was good. She didn’t want an old-fashioned relationship with her daughter. It was good that her daughter was relieved that the truth was now out in the open. Kerry clearly thought her mum would help her. Lisa planned to do just that. Now they could talk honestly about the situation – as equals, as friends.

But shouldn’t she be a tiny bit worried? Kerry was fifteen. All thoughts of equals and friends went from Lisa’s head.

‘How could you be so stupid?’ Lisa yelled. ‘You’ve ruined your life. It’s all over. Forget any thoughts about A levels and university. This isn’t a game, you know!’

Kerry looked confused.

‘Did you think everything would carry on as before? Did you think I’d look after the baby?’

‘Well, yes,’ said Kerry. ‘What else?’

For a second Lisa couldn’t speak. She was so angry. Of course she would help with her grandchild, but Kerry was just assuming! Why wasn’t she more sorry?

‘And what’s the father’s name?’ asked Lisa.

‘Well, if you don’t know, how should I?’ said Kerry.

‘Don’t you dare be so cheeky.’ OK, so Lisa had forgotten Kerry’s boyfriend’s name. Maybe she hadn’t taken enough interest. But Kerry had no right to be so rude!

‘Mum, will you stop shouting,’ said Kerry. She stood up and closed the bedroom window. ‘This is embarrassing enough. We don’t want the neighbours hearing before they have to.’

‘I think I’m due a bit of a rant!’ said Lisa.

‘Look, I know it must be a bit of a shock,’ said Kerry carefully.

‘A bit of a shock?’

‘It’s not the end of the world – not the ideal age, but worse things happen,’ said Kerry. She sounded relaxed. She sounded grown-up. Lisa felt like the teenager. She was so confused!

Lisa gulped for air. How come her daughter was so calm about this? Didn’t she understand how huge this was? Or at least how huge she was going to become. Lisa thought the idea of getting so big would at least cause a reaction. Usually Kerry worried if she ate a Smartie.

‘So have you done the test?’ asked Kerry.

‘Have I done the test?’ said Lisa. Her confusion doubled.

‘How far gone are you?’ asked Kerry.

‘How far gone am I?’ said Lisa. Totally puzzled.

‘Mum, why do you keep repeating what I’ve said? You are acting really strangely. Is it your hormones? Is this another side-effect of your pregnancy?’ asked Kerry.

‘My pregnancy? What are you talking about? I’m not pregnant. You are,’ said Lisa.

Kerry looked as though her mum had hit her. Her mouth hung open with shock.

‘I am not!’

‘You don’t need to pretend, there’s no point. I heard you on the phone, talking to Amanda,’ said Lisa.

‘What exactly did you hear?’ Kerry was pink with fury and embarrassment.

‘You said, “A baby will ruin my life.”’

‘Your baby!’ said Kerry. ‘I was talking to Amanda about your baby. A private conversation as it happens!’ Kerry sounded very put out.

‘But you were talking about the symptoms. Tiredness and mood swings,’ said Lisa.

‘Your symptomsl’ yelled Kerry. ‘Mum, how can you be this blind? How can you think I might be pregnant? I don’t even have a boyfriend. I’ve never even… ’ Kerry stopped. She couldn’t bring herself to say it to her mum. Not even after their weird conversation. ‘You are pregnant. Everyone thinks so but you!’