4

17 September

Lisa was worried about starting the DIY course. The only tool she knew how to use was a corkscrew. She was also worried she wouldn’t even be able to find the college. Lisa didn’t like to drive or catch a bus to anywhere new. She didn’t like change or new things very much at all.

Carol said she must ‘face her fears’. Lisa’s biggest fear was arguing with her big sister. But she couldn’t say this, as it would have led to a row. Clearly, facing her fears wasn’t Lisa’s thing.

Mark said he’d drive Lisa to the college. Maybe he was being kind. Or maybe he was just very keen for Lisa to do the DIY course. Was he was sick of her depending on him? Lisa thought she’d been very wise not to get too involved with Mark. OK, so she liked him a lot. But no one would ever guess, she’d never told him or anyone else. What was the point? Keith had proved there was no point. It was best to keep things casual, like John did with his women.

‘Thanks, dude,’ said Lisa.

Mark gave her an odd look. There, now he’d know she wasn’t serious about him! If she’d been serious about him, she would have said, ‘Thanks, partner.’

Lisa made tea for the kids. Kerry was out somewhere. She had a new boyfriend. Lisa wanted to meet him. But Kerry said that was ‘too heavy’. So Lisa hadn’t met him yet. Lisa called Kerry on her mobile and made her promise she’d be home by nine.

Lisa had asked her brother John to sit with Paula and Jack. Paula was cross and hurt. She pointed out that she’d be thirteen in ten days and was more grown-up than her uncle. As she said this, John was rolling on the floor, fighting with Jack for the TV remote. They couldn’t agree on which violent cartoon to watch.

‘You’re right. Make sure your Uncle John cleans his teeth before he goes to bed,’ said Lisa.

On the way to the night class Lisa snapped at Mark. She was sure he was going the wrong way.

‘We’ll hit the teatime traffic. We’ll be late,’ she said. Then she added, ‘Dude.’ She wasn’t sure she’d managed to sound casual. Stressing about traffic wasn’t casual.

Mark stayed calm. ‘Put the map away. I know where we’re going. We have plenty of time,’ he said.

Lisa tutted – she didn’t believe him.

They got to college in ten minutes. They were early. Mark did not say, ‘I told you so,’ which was wise because Lisa was too nervous to be proved wrong.

He bought her a cup of coffee from a machine. It didn’t taste very nice but Lisa didn’t dare moan. He stayed with her until it was time for the class, and then walked her right to the door. He really was keen for her to take this class! He smiled and waved as though everything was fine. Lisa couldn’t agree. She was so nervous that it was hard to put one foot in front of another. She completely forgot to call, ‘Bye, dude.’ She was a DIY virgin about to be sacrificed.

The tutor arrived and said everyone had to say who they were and why they were there. Someone made a joke about signing up for a DIY course, not philosophy. The tutor glared at the joker. He didn’t like chat in his classroom. Lisa was happy with that. She didn’t plan to make friends. Chatting with anyone would show her up as a complete nuts-and-bolts beginner. The shame! And she was a divorcee. Double shame! People would think that she was there because she didn’t have a man in her life to hang pictures, which was not true. She had Mark. But for how long? Not for ever because there’s no such thing.

Sometimes Lisa wondered why Mark was with her at all. She knew that the media were always saying women in their forties were still sexy. But Lisa was no Liz Hurley. Lisa was not much like Nigella Lawson or Carol Vorderman either. Lisa thought about celebs she might be like. She decided she was like Lassie. A bit of an old dog, in need of a haircut. But her bark was worse than her bite.

Lisa tried to put Mark out of her mind. Thinking about him made her nervous. Her tummy flipped. Was it happiness or fear?

Lisa looked around the room. She was pleased to see that the class was full of women. Some were pretty young things who wanted to be independent. Others were not so young. They were less likely to have a choice.

Lisa learnt the difference between screws and nails. It was something. It wasn’t as hard as she had feared it might be. You just had to follow instructions. It was like reading a recipe.

At the coffee break a smiley woman told Lisa that custard creams were her favourite biscuits. Lisa didn’t think this could be true when you could buy Hobnobs. The lady was just trying to chat. Lisa gave the lady her custard cream and asked her if she had any kids. The lady looked just like Lisa (size fourteen, big hips, no boobs), but she had earrings, lip-gloss and a good haircut. Therefore was like Lisa but sort of sexier, sort of better. Lisa wondered if she should visit a hairdresser. For the past ten years Lisa’s mum had snipped away at her split ends.

The sort of sexier, sort of better woman was called Gill. She turned out to be a cheery divorcee.

‘I’m well shot of my ex,’ said Gill with a big grin. ‘You’ll understand that, Lisa.’

Lisa hadn’t thought that being without Keith was a perk, but faced with the direct question, she couldn’t deny it. Gill gave Lisa the number of her hairdresser. Then she made a cheeky comment about the ‘total hunk’ who was hanging around outside. She meant Mark!

Lisa didn’t think of Mark as a total hunk. But looking at him now, it was as if it was the first time she’d seen him. She noticed that Mark was a fit thirty-seven-year-old. He had strong arms because his work was manual. He always had a tan because he liked to be outdoors. Somehow he found sun in England. The mix of the tan and the muscles made him stand out from other men. Most people Lisa knew were pale and run down. But Mark was also losing his hair a bit at the front and he had a very small rounding of the tummy. Lisa was glad. A full mop of hair like Tom Cruise, or a six-pack like James Bond, would have scared her.

Lisa went outside the classroom to talk to Mark. ‘What are you still doing here?’ she asked.

‘I thought I’d stay close by. Just in case you didn’t like the class and wanted to go home early,’ said Mark.

‘I’m not giving up that soon!’ said Lisa.

‘I hoped not, but I was, you know, a bit worried about you.’ Mark looked a bit red in the face, not very casual at all. ‘Anyway, Kerry’s just called. She wants a lift. I’m going to pick her up now if you are OK. I’ll be back here for you later.’

Gill winked at Lisa and said, ‘Lucky cow.’

It was nice for Lisa to think sexy Gill was a bit jealous of Lisa’s boyfriend, partner, dude – whatever Mark was.

After the class Lisa found Kerry waiting with Mark. She was surprised. She’d thought Kerry would want to go straight home, not wait around for Lisa. It was clear that Kerry had something on her mind. It wasn’t often that she chose to hunt out her mum to spend time with her. After all, they invented TV years ago.

‘Do you need your pocket money early?’ asked Lisa.

‘No.’ Kerry sounded hurt at the suggestion that her reasons for coming to see her mum were selfish.

Mark said he’d bring the car round to the front and meet them there. He was giving them space.

‘How was your date?’ asked Lisa.

‘It wasn’t a date,’ said Kerry. She turned pink. ‘People don’t date in this millennium. We hang out together.’

Lisa knew for a fact that people did still go on dates. She’d read it in her magazines. People like her and Mark might not date, though. They’d had to do their dating over fish-finger teas and kids’ homework. But other people definitely dated. Lisa didn’t say so, though.

‘So how was the hanging out?’ she asked.

‘OK,’ muttered Kerry.

Lisa would have left the conversation there. She didn’t often expect much more than the odd word when she was talking with her kids. But she happened to glance at Kerry. Kerry had two spots of red on her cheeks and she was blinking back tears.

‘Did you have a row?’ asked Lisa. She wanted to sound patient. A teenage row was nothing on the grand scale, but for Kerry it would be the end of the world.

‘Yes. He’s hanging out with Chloe Jackson now,’ said Kerry.

‘Oh, love, I’m sorry,’ said Lisa. She tried to put her arm around Kerry but her hands were full with large textbooks and a drill.

‘I’m not,’ said Kerry. But Lisa wasn’t fooled. They spotted Mark’s car and got in without another word.

Oh drat, thought Lisa. There was one thing worse than not being needed: being needed and being no help.