FOURTEEN
WE GATHERED AT Purgatory’s kitchen table. Silas and
Adne set steaming mugs of tea before us. No longer caked in blood
and grime, wearing clothes that Adne had scrounged up, Ansel looked
himself again. Almost. His face remained a shadow of the one I
remembered, and he shivered even under the blanket wrapped around
his shoulders. My brother had always glowed with optimism, a smile
constantly twitching at the corners of his lips. Now his features
were drawn. His eyes, half hidden by the fall of his sand brown
hair, were distant and dull.
I sat across from
him, watching his every move, wondering what he was thinking, if he
was in pain. I’d tried to sit closer to him, but he’d shifted his
chair farther away. It was as though he couldn’t tolerate my
presence.
He wasn’t a wolf any
longer. I understood the weight of that loss. Wolves were who we’d
always been. To live without that part of myself would be . . .
impossible. I would be lost in the world. But
why won’t he be near me? I know it isn’t his fault. Is he ashamed?
Is he afraid of me?
Ansel had been
thrown not to the wolves, but from them. Abandoned like refuse in
the street, no longer useful to his masters.
We sat quietly,
waiting for him to answer the question Monroe had just
asked.
He didn’t move,
fingers clasping the mug in front of him.
Monroe cleared his
throat. “I know it’s difficult, but you need to tell us what
happened after Calla and Shay left Vail.”
Ansel pushed his mug
away, hiding his shaking hands beneath the table.
“We were waiting for
her in the clearing.”
I closed my eyes,
suddenly back in the forest. I heard the drums, Sabine and Nev
singing. I remembered catching Shay’s scent, finding him bound and
blindfolded. My heart began to pound in my chest, matching the
memory of the fierce drumbeats.
“But she never
came.” Ansel’s voice pierced the fog of images and I opened my eyes
to find him staring at me.
“She found me,” Shay
said. “I’d been kidnapped. They had me tied up, waiting to be
sacrificed in that ceremony.”
“Interesting,” Silas
murmured.
“That’s not
interesting,” Connor snapped. “It’s sick.”
“What are you even
doing here?” I bared my fangs at Silas. “Aren’t you just a paper
pusher?”
“That’s my girl.”
Connor smiled.
“Scribes coordinate
all intelligence from the outposts,” Silas said, puffing his chest.
“We lost a key operative today; this boy might be able to tell us
how that happened.”
He raised an eyebrow
at Ansel, but Ansel just stared blankly at the
tabletop.
Silas cleared his
throat, looking to Shay. “Tell us about the sacrifice. Was there
any ritual preparation involved?”
“Ritual
preparation?” Shay asked. “Uh . . . no. I was knocked out. If there
was anything that happened before I ended up in the woods, I don’t
know what it was.”
Connor glanced at
Shay. “You okay, kid?”
“I’m fine,” Shay
replied, though he looked a little pale.
“Can we hold
questions till he’s finished?” Monroe said, gesturing for Ansel to
continue.
The group fell
silent.
“None of us knew
what was going to happen,” Ansel said, pausing for a moment.
“Well—at least none of my pack did. We just thought it would be Ren
and Calla together. We knew there would be a kill, but we thought
it would be—”
He stopped, glancing
around the room.
“Oh, how sweet.”
Connor laughed darkly.
“What?” Adne
asked.
Ethan grimaced. He
rose, pacing beside the hearth. “One of us. They thought it would
be one of us to kill.”
Isaac coughed up
some of his tea. Adne handed him a dish towel.
An uncomfortable
silence filled the room.
“That’s the past,”
Monroe said finally. “Leave it.”
Ansel looked at
Monroe and after getting a nod, he continued.
“We’d been waiting
so long that Efron ordered some of the elder Banes into the forest.
They started howling almost immediately. We all ran. Wolves and
Keepers. Then I saw her.”
“Flynn,” Shay and I
said together.
Ansel nodded. “I
couldn’t stop staring. I didn’t know why she’d be in the forest in
the first place and now she was dead, obviously killed by one of
us.”
He paused, looking
at me. “Did you know she was a succubus?”
“Not until she
attacked us,” I whispered, remembering her wings, the fire that
spewed from her throat.
“That was when
everything went crazy,” Ansel continued. “Efron and Lumine were
screaming orders. I tried to stay with Bryn, but elder Banes
grabbed us. I didn’t know what was happening. They threw me into a
car and then we were downtown.”
“Downtown?” I asked,
frowning.
“At Eden,” he said.
“But not in the club. Underneath it. Efron has some sort of . . .
prison there. That’s where they took us.”
“Well, that’s
helpful,” Silas murmured.
“What?” Shay
asked.
“We didn’t know
where the Keepers’ detention facility was,” Monroe said. “Keep
talking, Ansel.”
“I didn’t know why
we were being treated like the enemy.” His words were tumbling out
now. “They put me and Mason in a cell together. And I think Fey and
Bryn too—I didn’t see them, but I could hear them
yelling.”
I began to tremble.
Shay twined his fingers through mine, and I didn’t pull
away.
“Nothing happened
for a while.” Ansel’s voice was so quiet that we all leaned
forward, straining to hear him. “They put shackles on us and we
couldn’t change forms. But that was all at first.”
Shay glared at
Monroe. “You guys have a swap meet or something?”
Monroe didn’t
answer.
“What?” I frowned,
looking at Shay.
“They had those on
you when we first arrived at the Academy,” he said.
“If she came to
while we were moving her, she would have attacked without knowing
what she was doing,” Connor said. “We didn’t have a
choice.”
Shay opened his
mouth to respond.
“Don’t, Shay,” I
said quickly. “It’s fine.”
“And then they
brought Ren down.” Ansel didn’t seem to have noticed any of our
exchange. He was lost in the past, or worse, trapped by
it.
At the sound of
Ren’s name I jerked my hand free of Shay’s. Ren. Ren had tried to
help us. He lied to the Keepers for us. What had it cost
him?
Suddenly I could
hear his voice. This is only about
love. I felt his breath against my skin, his lips on mine.
The fierceness of his embrace before I left him.
“And that’s when it
started.” Ansel jerked in his seat, shoulders trembling
violently.
“When what started?”
Monroe urged gently.
“The punishments,”
Ansel whispered. “The wraiths came.”
“Adne, you should
leave now,” Monroe said, keeping his eyes on Ansel’s shaking
form.
“No,” she said,
despite her own trembling hands.
“It would be better
if you didn’t hear this,” Monroe said. “I’ll fill you in when we’re
through.”
“No,” she
repeated.
“Why wouldn’t she
stay?” Shay asked.
Monroe’s jaw
clenched. He didn’t answer Shay, instead keeping his gaze locked on
Adne.
Adne swallowed hard
but straightened to her full height. “Wraiths killed my
mother.”
“You should go,”
Monroe said quietly. “Please.”
“It’s okay, Monroe,”
Connor said, moving to Adne’s side and taking her hands in his own.
“She’s strong.”
Monroe frowned, but
didn’t argue further.
Ansel was still
talking, shaking. “First they came into our cells with Lumine and
Efron. They’d take us, one at a time. Making the others watch.
Sometimes it was Emile and the elder Banes. We’d be chained up in
human form and they’d attack, teeth and claws tearing at us. Enough
to make you bleed but not kill you. Other times the Keepers would
come and summon wraiths. Wraiths were worse than Guardians. Much
worse. It’s like they swallow you whole and you’re trapped inside;
you feel your flesh coming apart. It’s like being eaten alive
slowly . . . so slowly. For a while you just scream. Then you pass
out. When you wake up, they’re gone. But a couple of hours later
they came back and it happened all over again. I could hear Bryn
and Fey screaming sometimes.”
I dropped my head,
fighting images of Bryn wrapped in writhing black bands of shadow.
Adne swayed on her feet. Connor slipped his arm around her waist,
steadying her.
“Did they ask you
anything?” Monroe asked. “What did they want from
you?”
“They wanted to know
where Calla was,” Ansel said. “And they kept asking about the
Scion. I didn’t know what they meant.”
“They meant Shay,” I
said. “Shay is the Scion.”
Ansel’s smile was
grim. “I know that now. I know they want him dead. Some things fell
into place as they kept asking us questions.”
“What about Renier?”
Monroe asked. His hands rested on the table, balled in tight
fists.
“They brought us out
of the cells into a large room. Everything was new, bright like a
hospital. Except this room. It was dark, and old. I felt like we
went from a prison into a castle’s dungeon. And everyone was
there.”
“Everyone?” I
asked.
“All the Guardians.
Over a hundred of us and all the Keepers with their wraiths. They
were all looking at a pile of raised stones. Like a stage, or an
altar.”
An
altar.
No, no. Not Ren. Please, not Ren.
“Was Renier on the
altar?” Monroe’s voice shook. I looked at him, surprised that his
fear was the same as mine.
“No. He was beside
the altar with Emile and my father,” Ansel said, and then turned
his gaze on me. “My mother was on the altar.”
I was on my feet,
though my quaking muscles barely held me up. “What?!”
The flat smile
returned to Ansel’s face. “Surprised?”
“How can you ask me
that?” I shrieked. “Mom had nothing to do with this.”
“But she’s the alpha
female,” Ansel said. The calm of his voice terrified me almost as
much as his words. “She was supposed to teach you your
place.”
My place. Everything
I’d hated about my destiny. The other reason I’d run. It was almost
as bad as the threat of losing Shay.
“And she failed,”
Ansel whispered. “That’s what Lumine said. She failed to perform
her duty.”
I sank down onto the
bench, not flinching when Shay drew me into his arms. “What did
they do to her?”
“They let Emile kill
her while Dad stood there.”
My limbs turned to
jelly. I would have fallen off the bench without Shay holding me
up.
Monroe glanced at
Adne, who went very pale. “They murdered your mother?” she
whispered.
Connor pulled her
closer, murmuring into her ear. Tears dripped onto her cheeks, but
she didn’t make any sound.
“They said it was
both of their punishments as alphas. She died because you ran away.
Dad lost his mate.”
I choked out a sob,
my eyes were burning, and my tears blurred Ansel’s
face.
My mother. They killed my mother because of me. What kind
of monster am I?
“But they let the
Nightshade alpha live?” Silas asked. He was taking notes and I
wanted to gnaw his fingers off. Slowly.
“There isn’t a
Nightshade alpha anymore,” Ansel said.
“What do you mean?”
Shay pulled me tight against him. I felt numb, unable to
move.
“The rest of the
punishment,” Ansel said. “The Keepers disbanded the Nightshade
pack. Emile is the only alpha now. He’s been given both packs.
Efron and Lumine told us that would be the new order. The Banes had
proved more loyal and they would reign over the Nightshades until
the Nightshades demonstrated their loyalty.”
“But how could they
do that?” Ethan asked.
“They’re supposed to
bring him back.” Ansel pointed at Shay. “That’s the new directive.
The Guardians have been ordered to find him and return him to the
Keepers. Whoever succeeds will gain their favor. If it’s a
Nightshade, that wolf will become the new alpha and lead a pack of
their own.”
“But that’s
impossible,” I said. “Alphas can’t be promoted, they’re born. As
long as our father is alive, he’s the Nightshade alpha whether the
Keepers acknowledge him or not.”
“Tell that to the
Keepers.” Ansel glared at me.
“That could work in
our favor,” Ethan murmured. He caught Connor’s eye and Connor
nodded.
“How?” I asked. “How
could that help us? We’re going to be hunted down.”
“It could—” Connor
began, but Monroe interrupted.
“Wait,” he said.
“Ansel, what of Renier Laroche?”
Ansel sighed, low
and long. “They called him a traitor, like Calla. They made him
kneel before the altar.”
Somehow I found my
voice, a hoarse whisper. “Did they kill him?”
Ansel shook his head
and something inside me that I thought was dying came to life
again.
“What happened?”
Monroe asked, his clenched fists relaxing slightly.
“They said that his
betrayal was Calla’s fault. That women can’t be trusted. That
females were born to seduce and deceive. That Calla tricked Ren.
That he was only trying to save the mate he believed loved
him.”
The mate he believed loved him. I’d fallen in love
with someone else, but Ren was still a part of me. We shared
something I couldn’t name. Was that love too? Guilt pierced me like
a thousand needles in my skin. I forced myself to straighten,
wiggling away from Shay’s arms.
Silas nodded. “Mmmm,
yes. The burden of Eve. That’s a nice touch.”
“Silas, I swear I
will break your jaw if you say anything else,” Connor said,
tightening his grip on Adne’s shoulders.
“There’s nothing
wrong with understanding the choices of your opponent,” Silas said
loftily. “If we don’t examine them, we won’t anticipate their next
move.”
“Let it go, Connor,”
Monroe said. “Silas, now is not the time.”
Silas grumbled under
his breath while Connor continued to glare at him.
“They set a wraith
on him.” Ansel shuddered. “Longer than I’ve ever seen. When it was
over, I couldn’t believe he was still conscious. They said he could
choose his fate. That he still controlled his
destiny.”
“What was his
answer?” Monroe asked.
“After the wraith he
couldn’t speak. I was surprised he’d even survived it. It had him
for so much longer. . . .” He curled in on himself, making a soft
retching sound.
Cold crept over me,
like frost forming in my bones. My limbs were shuddering, out of my
control.
My mother is dead. Ren tortured. And it’s all my
fault.
“They took him
away.” Ansel wiped spittle away from his mouth. He tried to take a
sip of tea, but the cup shook too violently in his grasp. “I don’t
know where. But if he doesn’t give the answer they want to hear,
I’m sure they’ll kill him.”
Monroe made a quiet
sound of grief. His eyes moved to the flames in the hearth, his
mind going to a place far from this room.
“And then they
brought me to the altar,” Ansel said.
I extended my hands
across the table, hoping he’d take them. He glanced at my upturned
palms and then looked away. I pulled my empty hands back, feeling
hollow inside.
“Lumine said the
children of Naomi Tor couldn’t be trusted,” Ansel said. “She put
her hands on my chest. I thought I was being torn in two. I heard
myself howling, saw my wolf form floating in front of me, and then
it was on fire. Burning, burning. The fur smoking. I could smell
it, feel it, being burned alive. And then the wolf was ash. Lumine
waved her hands and the ash blew away. And I knew. I could feel
that the wolf was gone. I was nothing.”
“Being alive isn’t
nothing.” Monroe had come up behind him. He put his hand on Ansel’s
shoulder. Ansel shuddered but didn’t pull away. “We’re only human
and we think life is worth living.”
“I’m not human,”
Ansel said. “I’m a Guardian. I was a Guardian. I don’t know what I
am now.”
“I could turn you
back,” I said suddenly. “You can be a Guardian again.”
“No. I’ve been
unmade.” Ansel’s face twisted with rage. “That’s what Lumine said.
She told them all. I can only be re-created through the Old Magics.
An alpha cannot turn me. I’m cursed.”
“We’ll help you,”
Monroe said. “We can teach you other ways to fight. You don’t have
to be a wolf to be strong.”
“This war would have
ended a long time ago if only the wolves were strong,” Ethan
muttered.
“I don’t want to
fight any other way! I want to be a wolf again.” Ansel turned to
Monroe, a fever burning in his eyes. “Can you do that? I know you
have magic.”
Monroe was
silent.
“You said you wanted
to help me.” Ansel was frantic. “That’s what I need. Calla, make
them help me.”
“We don’t make
Guardians,” Monroe said finally. “We don’t alter
nature.”
“What are you
talking about?” I asked. “Ansel’s nature is the wolf. What’s
unnatural is what they did to him.”
“That may be the
case,” Monroe said. “But frankly, we don’t have the means to undo
it. We won’t destroy another creature to make him whole
again.”
“What you do mean,
destroy another creature?” Shay asked.
“We’d have to take
the essence of another wolf—killing the animal in the process—to
give your brother what he wants.”
My skin crawled. “I
don’t understand.”
Silas looked up from
his notes. “Guardians were created by years of experimentation with
the laws of the natural world. The Keepers have always been fond of
bending nature to their will. Guardians were one of the first
demonstrations of the power they’d gained by allying with the
Nether realm. They took animals and people, trying for years to
blend the two and create the ultimate warriors. There were many,
many failures. Mangled bodies, mutilated creatures not fit for this
world or any other. And then there were Guardians. But the
creation, the creatures, they are abominations against nature
itself. The very reason Searchers fight against the
Keepers.”
I stared at him.
“Did you just call me an abomination?”
Silas looked me up
and down. “Yes. Yes, I did.”
“That’s enough,
Silas,” Monroe said.
My skin felt like
insects crawled over me, stinging, biting, leaving my flesh raw.
“Is that really how Guardians were first made?”
I thought of the
story I’d been told as a child. The first Keeper—a noble warrior,
injured, dying, saved only by the help of a lone wolf. The reward
of being elevated. The bond of service and love that couldn’t be
broken.
“It is. Did they
have a pretty tale to offer you about your origin?” Silas quipped,
obviously wanting to say more, but he was silenced by a glare from
Monroe.
“More lies,” Shay
whispered. He stared at his own hands. I wondered if he regretted
being turned now that he’d heard this truth—that my kind had been
born not as a reward for loyalty, but as a violent twisting of the
natural order. One of the first acts of so many horrors for which
the Keepers were known.
“Calla, you have to
do something,” Ansel whispered. “Even if you can’t help me. Before
they sent me away, Lumine said they would unmake the rest of our
pack, one by one, as an example. You can’t let that happen. They’re
your pack.”
I couldn’t speak. My
tongue felt as thick as wet cotton in my mouth and it was choking
me. What could I do? All the choices I’d made had destroyed my
world. My mother was dead, my brother a bruised husk of the boy
he’d once been. And for what? Shay and I were safe, but had we done
any good? Were the Keepers any less of a threat? My head ached. I
put my hands to my temples, trying to sort through the chaos of
doubt.
“We won’t let it
happen.”
I raised my face at
Monroe’s words. His face was grim. His jaw set.
“We’re going to save
your pack.”