CHAPTER 28

EVERYONE’S AFRAID OF SOMETHING:
Phobophobia is the fear of phobias.

 

 

When four kids with wet, dirty, stained, and smelly clothes stormed into Sheriff McAllister’s office with Mrs. Wellington’s dog, he wondered if his wife was pulling a joke on him.

“What on Earth?”

“Mrs. Wellington died and she left everything to Macaroni because she thought Schmidty would be dead, but of course he’s not, so Munchauser, her attorney, stole Macaroni and we had to chase him down. We got Macaroni back, but we didn’t catch Munchauser,” Theo blurted out rapidly.

“Did you just say Mrs. Wellington is dead?” the sheriff said with his eyes misting up.

“Yes, I’m afraid we did,” Madeleine said calmly.

“I’ve known her since I was a young boy. Why, she was the one who got me over my fear of flying,” the sheriff said as he dabbed his eyes with a tissue. “I used to take the Queen Mary to see my Great Aunt Melba in Liverpool. And I’d get so seasick on the ship, but then Mrs. Wellington stepped in, changing my life and my posture.”

“Listen, Sheriff, I want to come back to that story of how she helped you, I really do, but right now we need to get back to Summerstone. I’m worried about Schmidty,” Garrison said sadly.

“Don’t you worry, son. I’ll get the van,” the sheriff said while putting on his hat.

“The crane’s broken,” Lulu said. “Schmidty said Munchauser broke it.”

“Which means we’ll have to take the tunnel,” Garrison said with defeat. “Again.”

“I don’t think so,” the sheriff said confidently as he walked toward the door.

The sheriff managed to coax Farmington’s fire captain, Huckleford, into driving the group out to the base of Summerstone. The truck’s ladder extended almost two hundred and twenty-five feet, allowing the group to bypass the dreaded tunnels.

While Captain Huckleford drove, the students stared out the windows, contemplating all that had happened. Though less than a week had passed, the children felt that years’ worth of experiences had transpired since they left their families. And never in their wildest dreams or even nightmares had any of them ex-pected to weather an adventure like the one they had just completed.

After what felt like an eternity, the fire truck arrived at the base of the granite plateau. Captain Huckleford called everyone on deck and began extending the mechanical ladder.

“The sheriff’s going up to make sure Schmidty’s okay,” Captain Huckleford explained to the kids.

“We’re going, too,” Theo said with sweaty palms.

“It’s awfully high; are you sure you want to do that?” Captain Huckleford asked.

“We’re sure,” Theo said boldly for the group.

Theo, Madeleine, Lulu, Garrison, and the sheriff scaled the ladder with surprising ease and speed. However, as soon as they reached the top, Theo looked down and began to feel faint.

“I think I’ll take the tunnel down, if you don’t mind,” Theo whispered to the others.

“Come on!” the sheriff yelled while barreling toward Summerstone.

The second they entered the foyer, the group began screaming Schmidty’s name.

“Schmidty! Schmidty!”

“Where are you?”

“Hello? Hello? Schmidty?”

A small voice managed to be heard in all the bedlam.

“I’m in the dining room.” Schmidty’s voice was weaker than usual, certainly not a good sign.

They ran past familiar doors from the clock to the brass doorknob before stopping in front of the chalkboard door that led to the dining room. As the sheriff went to open the door, Garrison pushed in front of him, entering the room first. Lulu, Madeleine, Theo, and finally the sheriff quickly followed.

Seated at the elaborately set table were Mrs. Wellington, Schmidty, and Munchauser. As the foursome stood in absolute shock, the sheriff laughed and took a seat at the table.

Theo was first to approach Mrs. Wellington, reaching his small hand to her makeup-clad face.

“Are you really alive?” Theo asked sincerely.

“Yes, Theo, I am,” Mrs. Wellington replied sweetly.

Theo flung his arms around her neck before planting a kiss on her cheek. “I have so many things I want to ask you, but first, do you have any idea what you put us through, woman?”

“Not only are you not dead, but you are eating with the enemy!” Lulu screamed while pointing to Munchauser.

“Someone better start talking,” Garrison said, attempting to remain calm.

“Congratulations, you’ve completed School of Fear,” Mrs. Wellington said in her usual formal tone. “And with flying colors, I might add. We are all extremely proud.”

“I’m terribly confused and very upset,” Madeleine said. “I’m feeling a little overwhelmed by my emotions.”

“So it was all fake?” Theo lamented angrily. “This whole thing was one big elaborate setup?”

“Well, not exactly. Munchauser’s arrival was not planned. But with Abernathy in the forest, I decided it best to improvise so he could accompany you into town. This was Munchauser’s first time taking part in an adventure; we usually try to keep him away from the students for obvious reasons. He doesn’t have the best bedside manner, and as you may have noticed, he has a fondness for gambling.”

“I didn’t think any of you would make it. I bet Schmidty one dollar and lost,” Munchauser grumbled rudely. “Anyone got a dollar I could borrow?”

“I almost died in that tunnel, Mrs. Wellington,” Lulu said angrily, “do you realize that?”

“Not to worry, Lulu. We watched the whole thing, each step of the adventure, on closed circuit televisions. Every inch of the tunnels and road, even the Knapps’ house, is monitored by cameras.”

“Garrison would have died in that pool if not for my heroic save,” Theo said proudly to Mrs. Wellington.

“The Knapps are certified lifeguards, my swimming sausage. He was never in any actual peril.”

“But what if we had gone into the forest?” Madeleine asked. “We could have really been hurt.”

“Oh my former little beekeeper, if any of you had actually started to enter the forest, I would have used the speaker system to stop you.”

“And Abernathy?” Lulu asked suspiciously. “He was also in on this?”

“I’m afraid,” Mrs. Wellington said with shame, “that part of the story is true. He is my one failure and such a painful one at that.”

As Mrs. Wellington squirmed at the mention of Abernathy, Theo approached with a serious expression.

“Does this mean we can finally go home? Or do we still have to stay here for the rest of the summer?”

“Your families are expecting you home tomorrow. You will return braver and infinitely stronger. They will be so proud that you overcame your fears.”

“Not to disappoint you, but I’m still kind of afraid of death. Just a little,” Theo whispered, “only a smidge.”

“And I’m still not terribly keen on spiders,” Madeleine added.

“It’s a process, contestants; a process of constantly challenging yourselves. Now that you’ve taken your first steps here, you will continue to make progress each summer, and soon you won’t even remember a time when you had such phobias.”

“Excuse me, Mrs. Wellington, but did you just say ‘each summer’?” Madeleine asked.

“Of course, I did, Madeleine. I’m sure you all read the fine print on the brochure about the program.”

The stunned foursome was far too exhausted to respond to the information they had just learned, and after such an emotional day they could barely think of going through such a harrowing experience again.

“Everyone please take a seat, the food is getting cold,” Schmidty instructed the group.

“Fiona, Errol, Annabelle, Ratty,” Mrs. Wellington called to the cats, “the contestants need to wash their hands.”

The four cats trotted into the room, in black-gray-black-gray formation. One by one, they each jumped onto the table, and dropped a steaming hot napkin on each child’s place setting.

“So they really are trained?” Theo said incredulously.

“Well of course they’re trained,” Mrs. Wellington said smugly. “Don’t tell me after all this, you still underestimate me.”

The foursome stared intently at Mrs. Wellington, assessing the many facets of the peculiar woman.

“You really are diabolically smart,” Lulu said with overt admiration.

“Thank you,” Mrs. Wellington said with a knowing nod.

“And your determination, it’s absolutely impenetrable,” Madeleine added with blossoming awe.

“It feels sort of weird to say this, but you totally know what you’re doing,” Garrison said with surprise.

“Thank you, Sporty.” Mrs. Wellington then turned expectantly to Theo.

“I think you should seriously reconsider letting Schmidty do your makeup.”

“Theo!” Madeleine, Lulu, and Garrison screamed as Mrs. Wellington’s lips turned fire-engine red before breaking into a wry smile.

“Perhaps you’re right, my portly friend.”