CHAPTER 11

EVERYONE’S AFRAID OF SOMETHING:
Peladophobia is the fear of bald people.

The children followed Mrs. Wellington and Schmidty into the kitchen, where they placed their plates on the neon pink counter. In a rather unconventional move, Mrs. Wellington had the kitchen done entirely in pink. In addition to the walls, floor, and ceiling, every appliance, plate, utensil, bowl, glass, and tea towel were a shade of pink. The color scheme reminded Garrison of Pepto-Bismol. Theo didn’t mind the color so much as the idea of Schmidty in it.

“Isn’t it dangerous for a blind man to cook?” Theo asked logically.

“Safety is relative. If he can operate the crane, I’m sure he can boil water. He hasn’t hurt anyone yet. Well, actually, that’s not true. I should say, he hasn’t killed anyone,” Mrs. Wellington said as her lips dipped a shade darker before returning to normal. “Now then, it’s time for your first class. Follow me.”

Mrs. Wellington pushed open the ten-foot-by-ten-foot pink Formica accordion door, which led into the Great Hall. The foursome followed Mrs. Wellington, once again awestruck by their surroundings. There were literally more doors than they could count, each more unique than the last. A glass door with a bronze plaque informing residents to use the stairs in case of a fire caught the foursome’s attention. A tangled web of staircases crisscrossed the room both vertically and horizontally, creating an indecipherable mess.

Mrs. Wellington, oblivious to the children’s interest, continued marching down the hall. “Stop dawdling,” Mrs. Wellington announced firmly.

Madeleine, still planted in front of the glass door, sensed something familiar in the midst of the great mess. Her stomach churned loudly as the reality dawned on her. The tightly packed center with long tendrils resembled a gargantuan spider. Madeleine imagined the hairy, multi-legged creature approaching, fangs dripping with poison. Out of habit, she grabbed her repellents and sprayed the glass door.

“What are you doing?” Garrison whispered harshly from a few feet away.

The sound of his voice snapped Madeleine back to reality.

“Sorry, I don’t know what came over me,” Madeleine replied with embarrassment.

Mrs. Wellington abruptly stopped in front of a traditional red door with a white porch and a wooden rocking chair. It was the sort of quaint setting that inspired people to move to the country.

“I suppose since we’re here, I’ll show you the B&B. Outside of the library, the Fearnasium, and the classroom, you are not to open any other doors, ever, under any circumstance, real or imagined.”

“I love B&Bs,” Madeleine chirped.

“You would,” Lulu snorted.

“Oh Lulu, you are a funny one,” Mrs. Wellington said with a smile. “And as such, you can enter the B&B first.”

“Great,” Lulu offered with her trademark eye roll.

Madeleine steamed a little over Mrs. Wellington’s oblivion to Lulu’s utter lack of gratitude and manners. The old woman almost seemed to like her more because of it.

Garrison, completely bored by the prospect of seeing the B&B, focused on the bulletin board next to the red door. Amid the clutter of old flyers, everything from guitar lessons to the town fair, he spotted a missing-child poster. It was old and frayed, but the photograph of the child was still clear. Just as Garrison prepared to ask the old woman what happened to the boy, she looked over at him purposefully and spoke.

“I tend to keep the B&B rather dim, so it may take your eyes a second to adjust.”

“Oh dear, spiders love darkness,” Madeleine mumbled while covering herself in repellent.

“Excuse me, Mrs. Wellington. By any chance, is the Bed & Breakfast open for brunch?” Theo asked.

Ignoring Theo, Mrs. Wellington ushered the children, led by Lulu, into the B&B.

“And now for the B&Bs,” Mrs. Wellington said while opening a closet.

The onslaught was fast, furious, and unbelievably loud. All they saw were swathes of black, and all they heard was the flapping of wings. Before the foursome could focus their eyes on the black masses storming around their heads, Mrs. Wellington lifted the top of a massive urn, releasing a strong and focused stream of bees. The buzzing was thunderous, even as the flapping sounds continued.

“Bats and bees,” Mrs. Wellington said jubilantly as the foursome cowered in a huddle.

“Bats!” Lulu screamed in shock before throwing open the front door.

“I’ve been stung,” Theo yelled while following Lulu.

Madeleine was last out after Garrison, leaving Mrs. Wellington alone with the B&Bs.

“They’re all over me!” Madeleine hollered while spraying furiously.

Garrison, sensing the girl’s hysteria, grabbed her arms and shook her for a second.

“There is nothing on you,” he said calmly while using his right hand to flick one lone bee from her shoulder.

“Were those African killer bees?” Theo said with tears in his eyes.

“Oh Heavens no, Theo,” Mrs. Wellington said while exiting the B&B, her entire wig engulfed in bees.

“Lady, your whole head is covered in bees,” Lulu said while staring at the old woman.

A small black face popped over Mrs. Wellington’s shoulder and flapped its wings.

“There’s also one ugly bat on your back,” Garrison said while stepping away.

“Oh, that’s Harriet. She is such a naughty little thing. She is always trying to escape, just loves the light.” Mrs. Wellington grabbed Harriet and tossed her back into the B&B.

“Why do you have bats and bees?” Theo mumbled.

“Oh, it’s not always bees and bats. Sometimes it’s birds and barracudas, black widows and blue crabs, or black-footed ferrets and boa constrictors. It simply depends on which doors or containers you open. But not to worry — the B&B is theoretically sealed.”

“Did you say theoretically sealed? And black widows? I don’t feel so well,” Madeleine moaned.

“A theoretic seal is virtually airtight, absolutely nothing to fear,” Mrs. Wellington said confidently. “Now then, on to the classroom.”

“But your head,” Madeleine said while spraying madly, “it’s still completely covered in bees.”

“It’s the shampoo I use, lavender honey,” Mrs. Wellington said as she removed her bee-covered wig and tossed it inside the B&B.

The foursome gasped as they stared at her old and wrinkled bald head.

Mrs. Wellington pulled another bob wig from her jacket and placed it on her head.

“Not to worry, contestants, a beauty queen is always prepared.”

At this point, the foursome wondered if they were prepared for what they would encounter at the strange school.