Thirty-One

Leaving her parents in the car, parked where the double yellow lines ran out, Mandy entered the shop and heard the bell clang as the door closed behind her. Mrs Pryce was serving at the till. She glanced up and, seeing Mandy, smiled an acknowledgement, then continued serving. Mandy waited by the display of greeting cards until Mrs Pryce had finished with the customer, then approached the counter. ‘I was so sorry to hear about Mr Edwards,’ Mrs Pryce said, her sincere sadness mingling with apprehension at seeing Mandy again. ‘How is Mrs Edwards coping?’

‘Gran’s trying to keep positive. She’s insisting on returning home this evening. She’s quite determined to go.’

‘That sounds like Mrs Edwards.’ Mrs Pryce smiled kindly. ‘But I think she’ll find it more difficult than she imagines to begin with. I know I did when I lost my hubby. I suddenly had all this time in the evening and at weekends to fill and with no one to talk to. Shall I look in on her?’

‘I’m sure she’d be very grateful. And we’ll all be keeping an eye on her and visiting regularly.’ Mandy paused. ‘I’m going home too now – Mum and Dad are waiting outside.‘

Mrs Pryce nodded. ‘Well, all the best, dear. It’s been lovely seeing you again. Although I wish it could have been in happier circumstances.’

Mandy lowered her voice, aware there were other shoppers in the store. ‘I wanted to thank you before I left for all you did for me – especially on that night. I remember how you looked after me and comforted me until my father arrived. I have remembered what happened now.’ Mandy stopped and looked at Mrs Pryce. ‘But you seem to know that already.’

She nodded. ‘Your aunt came in here first thing this morning, ostensibly to tell me that Mr Edwards had passed away, but I guessed that wasn’t the only reason she’d come. I mean you don’t sack someone, cut them off for ten years, and then arrive at eight a.m. to tell them of a family bereavement. She told me you’d found out, and in pretty distressing circumstances. She apologized for the way she and Mr Osborne had treated me. Then an hour ago your father came in. When he realized who I was, he apologized too, and thanked me. I’ve never had so many apologies and thanks in one morning in my life!’

Mandy smiled. ‘It’s not before time. You were always so good to me when I stayed. And I don’t know what I’d have done without you that night when Jimmy…Anyway, I just wanted to thank you. I’m very pleased my aunt has finally seen sense and apologized.’ She made a move to go.

‘One thing, dear?’

Mandy paused. ‘Yes?’

‘Can I ask what happened to Mr Osborne’s brother? Your aunt didn’t say.’

‘Nothing,’ Mandy said tightly. ‘My aunt and uncle stopped seeing Jimmy, but he was never reported to the police.’

Mrs Pryce’s eyes widened in dismay. ‘So it was hushed up. I thought at the time that was the reason they’d sacked me. I was the only witness outside the family. But with no one keeping tabs on him who’s to say he hasn’t done similar to others? If I were your aunt or uncle I wouldn’t be sleeping happily in my bed.’ She stopped. ‘Anyway, it wasn’t my decision and I’ve probably said too much. It’s been lovely seeing you again, dear, and I’m so pleased you were able to spend time with your dear grandpa before he died. Come here and let me give you a hug.’

Mrs Pryce came out from behind the counter and opened her arms to receive Mandy, just as she used to when Mandy was a child. Mandy fell into her arms and caught the faintest whiff of the lavender soap she’d always used, and remembered the warmth and security of Mrs Pryce’s embrace when she’d comforted her for everything from a grazed knee to the assault that night.

‘Take care, love,’ Mrs Pryce said, finally drawing back as a customer approached. ‘Come in and see me when you next visit your gran. It’s not so far out of your way.’

‘I will,’ Mandy promised. ‘Thanks again for everything. I won’t ever forget your kindness.’

‘You’re very welcome, love.’

No, she wouldn’t ever forget Mrs Pryce’s kindness, Mandy thought as she gazed out of the side window and her father began the drive home. She wouldn’t forget Mrs Pryce’s care that dreadful night, and neither would she forget Jimmy’s attack. For now she had remembered she was finding the memory wouldn’t leave her alone; it was ever-present, like a movie set to rerun continuously. Even when she wasn’t consciously thinking about it, the horror lurked in the corners of her mind, waiting to be acknowledged and confronted. The terror of waking in the dark to find Jimmy on top of her; the pressure on her chest; the scratch of his moustache as his lips sought hers; the smell of his sweat mingling with his aftershave; and the searing pain as he tried to force himself into her as she relived it over and over again. In some ways not remembering had been the safer, preferable option, for now she’d remembered she could never forget.

Turning her gaze from the side window, Mandy looked towards the front – at the backs of her parents’ heads. Her mother was directly in front in the passenger seat, and her father to the right in the driver’s seat, exactly as she remembered them from outings as a child. Only now her father’s hair was streaked with grey, and her mother’s was highlighted and in a shorter style. Her mother never drove when her father was in the car, saying she felt her driving was being scrutinized.

‘Why wasn’t Jimmy reported?’ Mandy asked, aware of Evelyn’s explanation but wanting to hear what her parents had to say.

There was a pause before her father answered while her mother looked straight ahead. ‘We didn’t want to put you through any more distress – the police interview, court, and having everyone know.’

‘Did we do wrong?’ her mother asked quickly, as though she’d always had doubts.

Mandy concentrated on the back of her mother’s head. ‘I honestly don’t know. But I think we should have talked about it at the time, or soon after. I’m having to go back and confront it all now, instead of then. It’s very raw.’

‘Our decision was wrong then,’ her mother said, and her voice caught in her throat.

‘I’m not blaming you,’ Mandy said quickly, touching her shoulder. ‘I understand you did what you thought was right at the time. But how can you be sure Jimmy didn’t go on and attack others after me? Has anyone heard from him? Does anyone know where he lives or what he’s been doing?’

‘No,’ her father said. ‘We hardly knew him, thank goodness. We’d only ever met him twice – at Evelyn’s wedding and at Sarah’s christening. John severed all communication and never saw him again, which I understand from Evelyn placed him in a dreadful position in respect of his mother.’

And what about my position? Mandy thought, but didn’t say. Then something occurred to her. ‘Evelyn told me John visits his mother in a nursing home. I wonder if Jimmy visits her too? If he does it’s possible John has seen Jimmy at the nursing home, if they were both visiting at the same time.’

‘It’s possible,’ her father agreed. ‘I don’t know. Their mother refused to believe Jimmy had done anything wrong, which I suppose is understandable – he was her son. Does it matter if he visits her?’

Mandy shrugged. ‘Probably not.’ She looked out of the side window at the passing scenery. There were so many issues to acknowledge and deal with, so many pieces to fit into the jigsaw before she could even begin to let go of the past and move on. And while she felt angry that Jimmy’s mother had refused to believe what he’d done, as her father said it was understandable – what mother wouldn’t believe her son over a distant relative?

‘When did I see the doctor?’ Mandy asked after a moment, returning her gaze to the front. ‘Evelyn said I saw a doctor but I don’t remember.’

‘It was the following day,’ her mother said quietly. ‘It was very distressing – for us both. And the upset, together with the results of the examination, helped your father and me come to the decision not to report Jimmy.’ She stopped, leaving the details unstated.

‘Mum, I need to know what the doctor said, distasteful and upsetting though it might be. This has all been shut away for far too long. I need to know what – what exactly Jimmy did to me.’

There was silence as her father concentrated on the road ahead and her mother sat motionless, looking through the windscreen. Mandy felt their reticence and discomposure. ‘Mum? It is important. I need to know.’

‘The doctor had to examine you thoroughly,’ she began in a hurry,‘where you’d been hurt. I hated putting you through that – a girl of your age, after everything, but it was necessary. The doctor took swabs – you know, samples – and had them sent away. We didn’t get the results for two weeks but when they came back they were negative. You didn’t have a venereal disease. And the examination showed you’d been bruised but not fully penetrated. The hymen was still in place, so technically you were still a virgin. The doctor said that if we were going to report it to the police it would have to be done immediately otherwise valuable evidence would be lost. Your father and I had to make the decision whether to go ahead and subject you to another medical by a police doctor, and all that would follow – being interviewed and going to court – or just try and get on with our lives. We decided to try and put it all behind us and forget; only of course the only one who “forgot” was you.’

She stopped and fell silent, and for some time all that could be heard was the distant hum of the car engine and the occasional swish as the wipers cleared the spots of rain.

‘But it wasn’t genuine forgetting,’ Mandy said. ‘It was like amnesia where somehow I’d blotted it all out.’

‘And I always thought that one day it would come back to you and we’d all have to deal with it,’ her mother said, glancing sideways at her father. ‘I was right.’

‘We’ll pay for whatever help you need,’ her father said, meeting her eyes in the mirror. ‘Evelyn thinks a counsellor or therapist could help. If you think it will, we’ll find one and I’ll pay for it as long as you need it. I did what I thought was right at the time, Mandy, and if I was wrong, then I’m very sorry, I’ll try and put it right in any way I can.’

‘Thanks,’ she said, and realized her father was finally calling her Mandy rather than the Amanda of her childhood.