Forty-One

Two Months Later

“She’s a beautiful baby.” I looked down at the pink-cheeked darling wrapped in a striped hospital blanket and it made me gasp. The oval shape of her eyes, the dimple in her chin—it was like holding Kurt as a baby all over again.

“She is, isn’t she?” Pamela blinked back tears and looked from me to Kurt. “The Tuttles will take good care of her.”

“They’re good people.” Kurt’s voice was thick. He reached down and kissed the baby on the forehead. “Good-bye, little one. Enjoy your life. Always remember that your daddy loves you.”

“And your grandmother, too.” I stroked the baby’s cheek, then turned away.

Kurt put his arm around my shoulder as we walked from the hospital room together. “It would be so easy to say I want to be tested, to prove beyond the shadow of a doubt I’m her father, to demand custody.” His words mirrored my own thoughts, and after seeing the baby, I had a pretty good idea what the tests would show.

“I know what you mean.”

“But it wouldn’t be the right thing to do, and we both know it. I’m going to end up in jail, and even though I know you would take care of her for me, she deserves a stable life, with a loving mother and father who will be there for her.”

My head knew he was right, but the rest of me desperately wanted to hold on to her forever.

Kurt squeezed me a little tighter. “It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.”

“Harder than turning yourself in?”

“Yeah. I mean, that was scarier because I knew I was looking at jail, but there was no question about what was the right and wrong thing to do. Here, if I think about it long enough, I can convince myself that it would be best for her to be with her biological father. It’s much harder shutting out that voice.”

We walked into the parking garage, where Rick waited for us, leaning against the side of his truck. I reached up and kissed Kurt on the cheek. “I’m so proud of you. Again.”

“Me too.” Rick pushed off the car and hugged his son. “So proud.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

I thought of how few times Kurt had heard those words over the course of the last few years. It was strange how a tragedy like this sometimes turns things for the better. The problem was there were still more turns to come, and not all of them, I was sure, would end so well.

Leaving Yesterday
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