TWENTY-NINE

Early in the evening, Billie had just got bathed and changed into her pyjamas when she heard the dreaded sound of the front door opening.

'Is that you, Danny?' She could hear the tremble in her own voice as she spoke.

When there was no reply, she decided to stay put and pretend to carry on watching the soaps. Upstairs she could hear footsteps and a bit of banging about. She was so glad she'd chosen to keep the baby downstairs with her, just in case he came back.

Ten minutes later, footsteps retreated back down the stairs and the front door was shut with such force that it nearly came off its hinges. Billie turned the volume on the telly down, waited five minutes to be sure that he'd gone, then gingerly ventured upstairs. Noticing one of the suitcases that they kept in the bedroom was missing, Billie opened Danny's wardrobe and saw that half his clothes were gone, along with most of his toiletries and underwear.

As she walked down the stairs, Billie noticed the state of her face in the hallway mirror. Her eye and cheekbone were black and blue from where he'd kicked her outside the pub. Pouring a drink, she sat on the sofa, watching DJ, whilst trying to figure out what she should do. Danny had obviously moved out for the time being, which was a relief. She'd fully expected him to come home screaming and shouting like a bull in a china shop, and his silence had somewhat unnerved her. What if he came back tomorrow? Or the day after? And started on her again. The sound of his key going into the lock had made her jump out of her skin. She couldn't live a life like that and there was no way she could change the locks as the house didn't belong to her.

Billie decided to give Jade a call. It was time to tell her the truth about everything. The phone was answered on the third or fourth ring. The sound of Jade's caring voice was all too much for Billie, and she burst into floods of tears.

'Now calm down,' Jade said softly. 'Try and stop crying, love. I can't understand what you're saying.'

Eaten up with emotion, Billie managed to pull herself together. Half an hour later, she'd told Jade the whole sorry story. The rape, the girl she'd overheard at the party and the beating she had received. Jade was kind, protective and understanding. Not once did she say I told you so. On learning that Danny had threatened and nearly strangled Jade on the night she'd given birth, Billie started to sob.

'I so wished I'd listened to you, and taken your advice, Jade. You knew he was a wrong'un from the word go, didn't you?'

'Don't blame yourself, Billie. We all make mistakes. You must be strong now, though. Whatever bullshit he comes out with, for your own sanity, for God's sake don't take him back.'

Billie nearly choked at the very thought. 'I promise you, Jade, there's no way in a million years I would ever go back with him now but I'm still in shit-street. This house belongs to the bloke he works for, so I can't change the locks. He can kick me out of here at any time and my biggest fear is him wanting to see DJ. Danny can't be trusted, Jade, and I'm not letting him have the baby. I can't and I won't.'

'You're going to have to cross that bridge when you come to it, Bill,' Jade said, feeling relieved that she'd never had a baby by some loser. What an awful situation to be in, to watch your kid trot out the door with some arsehole that couldn't be trusted. If ever there was a lesson for young mums, it had to be beware who's providing you with their sperm and for goodness' sake pick a reliable one, she mused.

'Look, if I was you, Bill, I'd get your mate Jamie round tomorrow to put some bolts on the inside of your doors, front and back. He'll be able to get some decent ones from B&Q or somewhere. At least then, if Danny turns up drunk or in a temper, he can't just walk in the house. Your best bet is to try and get out of that bloody house, you don't want to be beholden to Danny or anybody else. Why don't you use your dad's money to rent somewhere?'

Embarrassed by her own naïvety, Billie sighed. 'That's gone, Jade, and I've spent most of the money that Davey Mullins gave me as well.'

'How can you spend that amount of money, Billie? Whatever have you spent it on?'

'DJ mainly. Designer clothes, toys, treats, days out. Jimmy the Fish was only giving me a hundred pounds a week, Jade. I'm not used to scrimping and saving.'

Jade was annoyed at her young friend's stupidity. 'Bloody hell, Billie. You can't spend money like water, you must try and be more responsible with it.'

Billie said nothing. She had lent Danny five grand and she felt a fool telling Jade how silly she'd been.

Guessing that Billie had enough on her plate without her having a go at her, Jade searched for ideas. 'I know what you can do, Bill. Why don't you go down the council or the Citizens Advice and tell them about your situation? Go while you've still got your black eye and tell them what Danny has done to you. Then they'll have to sort you out with a place. As for the baby, just refuse to let Danny see him. Make him get a court order, then you can tell the judge that he's violent. You said Jamie was there at the party. Ask him to be a witness for you.'

Billie listened intently. 'Oh Jade, I feel better now I've spoken to you. I'll ring Jamie straight away and I'll get down the council first thing tomorrow. I'm not even sure where the office is, but I'll ring directory enquiries for the address.'

'Good girl. I know you've made some mistakes, Billie, but you're a tough cookie and a fantastic little mum. I know for a fact that your dad would be very proud of you.'

Billie felt a jolt of sadness wash over her at the mention of her beloved father. 'Do you think so, Jade? He wouldn't be proud of my choice of men, that's for sure.'

'Maybe not, Bill, but you were very young when you met Danny, and very vulnerable.'

'Yes, I suppose I was,' Billie said, regretfully.

'Look, Bill, I've got to go now. I'll ring you tomorrow.'

'Bye, Jade, and thanks for being there for me.'

Billie rang Jamie immediately to ask him if he'd fix some bolts on the doors for her.

'Of course I will. As soon as I get home from work tomorrow, I'll go and get you some. I'll be round about half seven.'

'That's brilliant,' Billie said, thanking him. 'I'll do you a bit of dinner if you like, that's if you haven't already made other plans?'

'No, I've got no plans. Dinner sounds great. What you cooking? You ain't gonna poison me, are you?'

Billie laughed. 'I don't know what I'm cooking yet, you cheeky sod.'

Billie put the phone down, feeling a lot better. Scooping DJ into her arms, she switched the light off with her elbow and headed upstairs for what she hoped would be a peaceful night's sleep.

The trip to the council the following day did not go well and Billie found the woman she spoke to anything but helpful.

'You'd be better off going to the police and getting an injunction out against your boyfriend. There's not much we can do,' said Mrs Patel.

Billie tried three times to explain her situation but Mrs Patel's English wasn't all that good and finally losing her rag, Billie demanded to see her superior. Mrs King was more understanding, but also blunt about her options.

'The only place we would be able to offer you is a hostel. This area has such a long waiting list for two-bedroom properties. All you can do is take the place in the hostel and then wait your turn for permanent accommodation to be offered to you.'

Billie felt like bursting into tears. 'How long would I have to stay in the hostel before I was offered a place?'

'It could be six months, it could be a year. It's anyone's guess really.'

Taking the forms that were offered to her, Billie thanked the woman for her time and decided to head home and fill them in indoors rather than do them there and then. DJ was grizzling and Billie thought he might have the start of a cold. She also wanted Jade's advice before she signed her life away. Putting her unusually miserable son down for an afternoon nap, Billie set about preparing dinner for herself and Jamie.

She'd decided to do spaghetti bolognese. She could cook but she was no Jamie Oliver and was frightened to try anything too intricate in case she ballsed it up. Billie fried the mince and onion, and then added a couple of jars of ready-made sauce to it. She'd bought fresh pasta and garlic bread, which she'd warm up once Jamie had finished the locks.

By the time Billie got showered and sorted the baby out, it was gone six o'clock. Pouring herself a drink, she rang Jade and told her how unhelpful the council had been.

'There's no way they're putting you in one of them hostels, Billie, over my dead body. They're full of junkies, asylum-seekers and Christ knows what else. You're not going there.'

'What will I do then?' Billie said, relieved that she now had Jade back in her life to give her advice and help her. She'd missed her so much in the time that they'd had no contact and knew that no one and nothing would ever come between them again.

'Look, Billie, I know you want out of where you are, but don't jump out of the frying pan and into the fire. No one's told you you've got to get out just yet, so bide your time. I'll tell you what we'll do, I've still got a couple of days' holiday due to me. Let me have a word with them in work tomorrow and all being well, I'll get down to you in the next couple of weeks and help you find somewhere. I'll come up the council with you and give them a piece of my mind and if we still don't get any joy, we'll find you somewhere private. You're a single mother, housing benefit will pay your rent for you. Don't spend any more of your money. You may need to use it as a deposit.'

'I'm going to have to spend some just to live, Jade.'

'Just be sensible, Billie. You can't be buying designer baby clothes with it.'

Hearing the doorbell ring, Billie peeked through the curtain to see who it was, as it was a bit early for Jamie. 'Oh it's all right, Jade, it's Jamie. His car's outside. I'll ring you tomorrow.'

'OK, Bill. Have a nice time with your boyfriend tonight and don't do anything I wouldn't do.'

Billie felt herself redden. 'Oh, stop it, Jade. We're just friends. Anyway he's got a girlfriend.'

'I can feel romance in the air,' Jade replied, teasingly.

'See ya later.' Billie cut her off and ran to answer the door.

'I got away from work early,' Jamie said, handing her a bottle. Billie chatted away happily as he fiddled with the lock on the front door. 'Right, that's that one done.' Jamie picked up the little toolbox he'd brought with him. 'I'll do the back door now.'

Billie smiled gratefully. 'OK, and I'll put the dinner on.'

Her bolognese. was a big success.

'That was lovely, Bill. Christ, I feel bloated now.' Jamie pushed his empty plate away from him, sat back and stretched.

Billie noticed DJ's eyes shutting as he sat on the floor watching his cartoons. He'd had his little dish of spaghetti bolognese. a couple of hours earlier. Billie didn't like him eating just before he went to bed in case it lay on his chest. 'I'm gonna put the baby to bed, Jamie. I'll be back in five minutes. You haven't got to rush off, have you?'

'No, not at all, babe. You hire my services, you get me for the evening. While you're putting the bruiser to bed, I'll wash up for you.'

'Oh leave that, I'll do it.' Billie smiled to herself as she tucked DJ into bed. Jamie was so lovely and helpful. Danny had never lifted a finger indoors; in fact, she couldn't even remember him ever washing a cup. Kissing her son goodnight, Billie galloped downstairs.

'Shall we have another glass of wine, Jamie?'

'You can, Bill. I'd better not, I've got to drive home.'

'Oh, go on, have a drink with me. You can get a cab home, or why don't you stay here in the spare room?'

Jamie held out his glass for a refill. 'What if Danny comes home?'

Billie giggled. 'Well, he won't get in, will he? The bolts are on the door.'

Jamie burst out laughing. 'I'll stay in your spare room then, girl. I'm not at work tomorrow, so I can afford to have a good drink. Is this the last bottle or have you got some more?'

'It's the last one,' Billie replied, pleased that he had asked. She had wanted to send him round the offie earlier, but hadn't wanted to make herself sound like her mother.

Jamie stood up. 'I'll shoot round the off-licence and get us another bottle, then I'll leave me car round the corner somewhere. I won't leave it outside, in case old Danny Boy comes sniffing around.'

The two of them sat up until the early hours, chatting nineteen to the dozen. Billie felt she could really open up to Jamie. She told him all about her childhood, how she'd never got on with her mum, her dad's death and her relationship with Jade. Finally, with the vino loosening her tongue, she told him about what Danny had done to her, how he'd violently raped and abused her.

'If I get hold of him, I'll fucking kill him.' Jamie held her tight as she sobbed on his shoulder. Billie had a good cry and immediately felt better. She also felt a bit silly. Wiping her eyes, she started to laugh half-heartedly.

'God, what must you think of me? I've invited you round for dinner and then blubbered all over you.'

'Don't be silly, I'm your mate. I'll always be here for you, Billie.'

Billie noted the honesty in his eyes and believed him. She'd known for a while that what she felt for Jamie was more than just friendship. Maybe she was in love with him. Many a night she'd lain in bed thinking about him. She had pictured his happy face, crooked smile, wicked sense of humour and most of all his kindness. He was wonderful with DJ and her son had bonded with him in a way he never had with his real father. Turning to face him, she felt it was time to stop beating around the bush, and let him know how she really felt. Unable to find the appropriate words for her feelings she leant towards him, shut her eyes and tried to passionately kiss him. To her horror, Jamie didn't respond, but pulled away from her.

'Look, Billie. I really like you, but let's not complicate things. You're under a lot of stress at the moment. I'm seeing Lucy and, well, I think we should stay friends for now.'

Billie was horrified by her actions and felt stupid that he'd rejected her. She'd obviously read the signals wrong. 'I'm so sorry, Jamie. I don't know what came over me, I think I should stop drinking and go to bed now.'

Jamie took her hands in his. 'Look, don't rush off to bed. It's just that I think the world of you, Billie, and I don't want to spoil things. It's not that I don't like you. When you first got with Danny, I was so jealous, as I wanted you for myself, but so much has happened since then.'

Billie could feel tears starting to form in her eyes. She was determined not to mug herself off any more than she already had and was frantically trying to stop herself crying. 'Look, I need to go to bed, Jamie. I'm a bit drunk and I just don't feel too well. Maybe it's best if you go home too. You can call a cab if you want.'

'Oh, Bill, don't be like this.'

Billie didn't want to be horrible to him, but felt she had to get rid of him so she could sob her heart out in peace. 'I'll talk to you tomorrow, Jamie,' she said, handing him his toolbox. After she had shut the front door, Billie slid the bolt across and sat down on the floor, hugging her knees tightly to her chest. The floodgates opened immediately and she sobbed for what seemed like hours.

Jamie sat in his car and laid his head on the steering wheel.

'Fuck,' he said out loud as he started the engine. All those months he'd liked Billie and gone to bed thinking about her and now that he'd got on with his life and accepted that all they were ever going to be were just friends, she'd come on to him and fucked his head up. He'd ring her tomorrow and sort things out with her, talk to her when they were both sober.

Driving home at thirty miles an hour to avoid getting a tug, Jamie parked his car up, got out and kicked the front tyre with frustration. Once indoors, he went to the fridge and took out a can of lager. Taking his phone out of his pocket he rang Billie's mobile. There was no answer so he rang Lucy, but she didn't answer either.

Jamie was at a loss as to how to deal with what had happened earlier. Many a time, even when Danny was inside, he'd wanted nothing more than to take Billie in his arms, tell her how he really felt about her and beg her to spend the rest of her life with him. Now he'd had the bloody chance, he had completely blown it. He wasn't exactly shy with women, more respectful than anything. He'd been so used to being second best when he'd been knocking about with Danny, rejection was his biggest fear. Truth be known, that was his problem tonight. Knowing Billie was sort of on the rebound, he'd been a bottle job, frightened that she might have a change of heart a couple of weeks down the line, and where would that have left him? Broken-hearted, and miserable.

'Fuck women, I'm gonna turn gay,' he said quietly to himself. Nodding off drunkenly on the sofa, his last thought was of his old grandfather's words:

'Never worry and stress yourself out, son. Life's a funny old game and what will be will be.'