TEN

'Billie, are you awake yet? Come on, love, chop, chop.'

Hearing the sound of her mother's voice, Billie put her head back under the covers. Awake? That was a joke, seeing as she hadn't slept a wink all night. Today was the day of her father's funeral and Billie had never dreaded anything so much. How she was going to get through the day she really didn't know. She didn't feel strong enough to deal with anything and the thought of her dad being inside a wooden box was making her hyperventilate. Hearing her mother's feet marching up the stairs, Billie quickly jumped out of bed.

Michelle stood at the door with her hand on her hip. 'Oh, you are up. I came up to wake you, I thought you were still asleep.'

'I don't feel well, Mum. I don't think I can go, I'm not strong enough to face it. I didn't sleep again last night and my breathing feels funny.'

Michelle studied Billie and noticed how much weight she'd lost. She'd always been slim but now she looked like a borderline anorexic.

'He was your dad, Billie. You have to go. Get dressed and I'll make you some breakfast. You only feel ill because you haven't been eating and sleeping properly. You'll be OK after we've got today out of the way. You'll feel much better then.'

Billie watched her mother walk out the room. She was just so uncaring. The way she'd felt this past week, she knew that things would never be better again. Her dad was gone for good and Billie couldn't believe that she was never going to see him, hear his voice, or feel his muscular arms around her ever again. She felt like she was having a really bad nightmare and any minute now she would wake up. If only she could pinch herself and suddenly realise it was all just a bad dream.

Billie got showered. Choosing a knee-length black dress, opaque tights, black shoes and a short black jacket, she forced herself to get ready. She finished the outfit off with a pair of black sunglasses, so her tears could flow freely without anybody noticing. She needed to be able to indulge her grief in private. Taking a deep breath she walked down the stairs. Her legs felt like jelly, but she had to try and be brave, be strong, that's what her dad would have wanted. Sitting down at the kitchen table she tried to eat some toast but struggled to swallow it. It tasted like cardboard and seemed to stick in her throat.

Michelle poured herself a large glass of wine and went to get changed. She decided on a black Armani trouser suit, high-heeled Jimmy Choo shoes, a black wide brimmed hat, and a pair of tinted D & G sunglasses. Standing in front of the full-length mirror, she felt good. This pleased her. A new chapter in her life was about to begin and her confidence was the key to it.

Friends and family started arriving at the house around midday. The funeral itself was being held at half past two at Corbetts Tey Cemetery in Upminster. The local florist's must have had a field day with the amount of flowers that had been placed on the front lawn and drive.

Billie had chosen and bought her own flowers. She'd spent the rest of her Christmas money on a massive 'DADDY' arrangement. She'd pleaded with her mum to accompany her to the florist, but Chelle had refused.

'Your father never liked flowers. Waste of fucking money, Bill. Don't bother with 'em. As soon as your father gets slung in the ground, the bastard things get chucked away.'

Distraught, Billie had cried for hours. Tiff 's parents had eventually taken her to choose her display:

'To my wonderful Daddy.
Without you my life is so empty.
I pray that one day we will meet again
Love Always
From your Little Princess xxxxx'

Billie had found writing the card extremely difficult, but had tearfully forced herself to do it.

Noticing her nan sitting alone on a chair, Billie sat next to her and tried to console her. Pearl looked dreadfully ill and for the first time ever, Billie actually felt something for her. Davey Mullins sat down next to them and put his arm round Billie's shoulders. 'You all right, girl?'

'Not really, Dave, but I'm going to try and be strong for my dad's sake. Do you know where my mum is? I can't find her.'

'I think she's upstairs, with her mates.'

Billie heard the noisy laughter before she reached the top of the stairs. Opening the bedroom door, one look at her mother told her all she needed to know.

'How much you had to drink, Mum? Couldn't you have stayed sober today of all days? What are people going to think, when they see you in that state?'

Michelle glared at her daughter. 'Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? Don't try and put me down in front of all my friends. I tell you something, Bill, you don't know the half of it. You just think your father was Mr Fucking Wonderful, well I'm telling you now he wasn't. You ain't got a clue what that bastard has put me through.'

Billie looked at her mother with pure hatred. 'Well, he was Mr Wonderful to me, Mum. How dare you slag him off on the day he's due to be buried! Have you got no respect whatsoever?'

Chelle jumped off the bed, grabbed Billie by the shoulders and shook her violently. 'Let me tell you something, Bill. When your dad smashed his car to pieces, he was out of his head on drink and drugs. Oh, and by the way, you've also got a half-brother or -sister in the making. He was shagging his slut of a secretary and he's got her up the duff. Don't fucking talk down to me, Billie Jo, I've just about had a gutful of it.'

Hazel grabbed Chelle by the arm. 'Leave it now, Chelle, you've said enough. He was her dad, bless her. Don't take his wrongdoings out on her, it's not fair, mate.'

Billie let out a sob, put her hands over her ears and ran from the room. She couldn't take any more; surely her mum must be lying. Her dad didn't take drugs and there couldn't be a baby on the way. Her dad wouldn't have kept that secret from her. He would have told her, wouldn't he?

Chelle got into the first funeral car with Hazel, Suzie, Julie and Lisa. She'd flatly refused to travel with Terry's family, she couldn't stand the sight of them. Noticing Billie standing on the drive, Chelle shouted out to her, 'Come on, Bill, get in here with us.'

Billie looked at her mother with daggers. 'I'm not going anywhere with you, Mum. I'm getting in the other car with Nanny. I'd rather sit with her than you.'

Chelle wanted to jump out of the car, grab her daughter by the arm and drag her in, but decided against making a scene. Too many eyes were watching. Inside she was seething. It was her that had been lied to, cheated on and humiliated beyond belief. Billie had needed to know the truth. Chelle knew that she'd been a bit brutal, but she was glad she'd told her. She was sick of Billie constantly putting Terry on a pedestal. Well, no more. The kid had it in writing, see what she made of 'Daddy of the Year' now then.

Jade opened the back window of the Land Rover and gulped in the cool fresh air that greeted her. How she was going to pass herself once they finally reached the cemetery, only God knew. She could hardly walk into the service, could she now?

She'd had no intentions of going to the funeral. The situation was far too awkward. Davey Mullins had been in touch informing her that Chelle knew everything and was on the warpath. A brief discussion followed, with Dave and her both deciding that paying her last respects was totally out of the question.

'It ain't worth the agg, Jade. Terry knew how much you loved him. His main concern would be for you and the baby now and he certainly wouldn't want you to walk into a hornet's nest.'

Agreeing with his point of view, Jade informed her parents of her decision. Unfortunately for her, her parents had other ideas.

'You have to go to the funeral. Terry's the father of the child you're carrying. How can you not say your goodbyes to him?'

Stuck for an answer and unable to tell her parents the truth, Jade had burst into tears.

Mary had held her daughter in her arms and comforted her the best she could.

'Now, now, Jade. You must be strong, lovey. I know this is an awful situation, but you must pay your last respects. You won't be alone. Me and Daddy will be there to support you.'

Unable to argue, Jade had no other option than to agree. Hence the situation she now found herself in.

Pulling into the cemetery, Jade urged her parents to park as near to the gates as possible.

'Now, why don't you let me and Daddy come with you?' her mother insisted, unlocking her seat belt.

'No, Mum. Please don't follow me. I've told you why. Just leave it at that, will you?'

Ignoring her mother's hurt expression, Jade put on her black hat, secured her sunglasses and headed towards the chapel. She held her head low and prayed that she wouldn't be recognised.

As soon as she was far enough away, she ducked out of sight of her parents' car and sidled around the side of the building. The toilets were her only get-out clause, and on entering she was relieved to find that they were empty. Dashing into a cubicle, she locked it, put the seat down, fell onto it and cried.

The journey to the cemetery seemed never-ending to Billie. She couldn't believe that her dad was inside the coffin. She almost expected him to pop his head out at any moment and say, 'All right, Princess?' Travelling with the Keane clan made the journey seem longer as well. Her nan was inconsolable, Aunt Bridie didn't stop praying, her Uncle John was knocking back Tennent's Extra, and as for her dad's other brother, Michael, he was just a complete not right and spent the whole journey talking to himself.

Pulling up at the cemetery, Billie was relieved to see Tiffany and her parents. Tiff 's parents, Karen and Tim, were lovely people and had been so kind to her since her father's death. She'd been staying with them on and off and without them she didn't know how she would have managed. They hadn't really known her dad that well but had promised to attend the funeral as support for her more than anything else.

The chapel was full to the brim. Terry had been a very popular guy and everyone that knew him wanted to pay their last respects. The ones that couldn't fit in stood outside to mourn.

Benny Bones, Davey Mullins and Terry's brothers carried the coffin. Pearl had insisted that Michael and John be involved; Terry was their brother after all.

The service itself was extremely moving. Davey Mullins got up and gave a speech, making everybody laugh by talking about some of the scrapes he and Terry had gotten into. Father Peter gave a wonderful sermon and told the congregation what an amazing man Terry had been. When he read the poem that Billie had written about her father, there was hardly a dry eye in the church. The service ended with Terry's favourite song, the Johnny Cash classic, 'Ring of Fire'.

Chelle sat through the service with gritted teeth. She was surreptitiously knocking back the small bottle of whisky that she'd tucked away in her handbag. She would have loved to stand up when Father Peter was rambling on about what a kind, wonderful father and husband Terry had been. She'd have liked to have told the mourners what a no-good, drug-taking, womanising bastard he really was, but Hazel had stopped her. Chelle had laughed as the music started to play. 'I fell into a burning ring of fire' tickled Chelle's warped sense of humour. 'Shame the cunt wasn't cremated,' she said to Hazel. Nudging her, Hazel had shot her a look, urging her to behave herself. In all truthfulness she hadn't really listened to much of the actual service. She'd been too busy scanning the crowds in the church, to see if she could spot the no-good slut of a secretary. Luckily for Jade, she couldn't see hide nor hair of her. She was glad she'd listened to Hazel. Putting on a front was the only way and Bette Davis couldn't have acted any better than she had today.

Father Peter smiled as he led the congregation outside for the actual burial. He was enjoying himself immensely today. He loved a packed church and a big funeral, the busier the better. Father Peter had a secret obsession with death. In his eyes, a good send-off was better than an orgasm. Who needed sex when death was on the menu? He was positive that the deceased would shortly be moving on to a much better life than this one. Oh, yes, death made him a very happy man indeed. In fact, he was quite looking forward to his own passing over.

Billie stood sobbing at the opposite side of the grave to her mother. She was being comforted by Tiff and her mum, Karen. Chelle's face was like thunder. Billie should be standing next to her, for Christ's sake. What must all the girls from the gym think with her daughter cuddling up to some complete bloody stranger?

'Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.' Father Peter was in his element.

Glancing over to her right, Chelle noticed a lone figure, partially hidden behind a tree. Immediately realising it was Jade, she failed to contain herself. 'Oi, you fucking slag,' she screamed.

Father Peter looked up in horror. This wasn't part of the plan. Hazel tried to grab her friend but Chelle was having none of it. 'Let me go, Hazel. I mean it, if it was your Stan, you'd do the same thing.'

Billie ran round to her mother's side of the grave, pushing the crowd away in the process. Grabbing Chelle by the shoulders, she pleaded with her. 'Mum, please don't do this, not today. I loved my dad. How dare you ruin this day for him?'

Chelle had her Rottweiler expression on now, like a dog that's had its bone taken away. 'Leave it, Bill. This has fuck all to do with you.'

'Mum, you're drunk. Please don't make a show of us. We're at a place of worship.'

Chelle pushed her daughter out of the way, but as she did, she lost her balance. Catching one of her Jimmy Choo's in the mud, she tried in vain to steady herself.

Father Peter didn't know what to do. If a crisis happens, just carry on, that is what his superiors had always told him. 'In the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost.'

At that precise moment with her arms flailing wildly, Chelle fell backwards into the grave and landed on top of her dead husband's coffin.

'Oh bejesus, my poor boy,' Pearl screamed.

'Oh, for fuck's sake.' Davey Mullins was furious. He couldn't believe it. As if it weren't bad enough that she'd shown Terry up many times while he was alive, Michelle now had the audacity to do it while he was lying six feet under. Well that was it now, she wouldn't get any more help off him. He'd help Billie. He'd help Jade if she needed it, but Chelle could go to hell as far as he was concerned.

Billie stood frozen to the spot while she watched the two men trying to push her mother's fat arse out of the grave. One was pulling her arms and one was standing on top of her dad's coffin, trying to push her from behind. Tiffany cuddled Billie. Sensing the girl's obvious distress, Tiff 's parents put an arm either side of her and led her away from the embarrassing scene.

'Come on, Billie.' Tim's voice was soft. 'Let's get you home, darling. You can come and stay with us tonight.' Billie felt like a robot as she impassively followed her friend's parents into the car park.

Jade bolted back to the car as fast as her legs would take her.

'Drive,' she screamed. 'Quick, just fucking drive, will you?'

Shocked at their daughter's mental state and language, her parents drove off in complete and utter silence.

After a ten-minute struggle, Chelle was finally pushed out of the hole and landed on even ground. Her Armani suit was covered in mud, she'd lost a shoe and looked like shit.

Father Peter tried to smooth over the situation. Wrapping up the service, he turned to the congregation. 'Now I'd like you all to know, Michelle will get over this. Time is a great healer. I've seen this many times where couples can't bear to be parted. Michelle loved her husband, Terry, very much and that's why she feels so strongly about joining him.'

Hazel tried to brush the mud off Chelle's suit. 'Come on, Chelle, let's go home to mine. The girls will come with us, we'll have a drink back there. Let's not bother with the wake, eh?'

Davey Mullins had hired out one side of a pub with an adjoining hall. It was a little boozer he and Terry had drunk in on occasions in Hornchurch. They knew Dickie the governor quite well and Dave had chosen it knowing that Dickie would do Terry proud.

Chelle looked all around the graveyard and knew in her heart that Jade was long gone. She'd fucking have her for this. It was her fault she'd fallen in the grave, and if that weren't bad enough, she'd lost one of her favourite shoes in the process.

Hazel looped arms with her friend. 'Come on, let's make a move. We'll have a bit of karaoke when we get in, if you like.'

Chelle felt like shit, but still managed to crack a smile. 'Back to yours sounds good, Hazel. Fuck the wake and fuck Terry. Let's go and party. I wish I could find my shoe, though.'

Hazel kept schtum. She'd noticed Chelle's shoe by the side of the coffin, but knew if she told her, Michelle would demand to climb back in and retrieve it. 'Don't worry, you're loaded now. Go and buy another pair tomorrow.'

With one shoe on and one shoe off, Chelle hobbled out of the cemetery. Cheryl, a pal of Chelle's who did a step class with her, was waiting in her people-carrier. Suddenly seeing the funny side of events, Chelle went into hysterical laughter. All the other girls soon joined in. Pulling out of the cemetery gates, Chelle unscrewed the whisky bottle and took a gulp. Leaving a drop in there, she put the top back on and threw it over the wall.

'Goodbye, Terry. Have a drink on me, you no-good fucking arsehole.'